Page 56 of Every Christmas Eve
My hands cup her face, my cold fingers warming against her skin with her mouth on mine like it has been so many times before. And like before, when we are together it feels like there’s no past or future, only now. Only us.
‘My God, I’ve missed you, Lou,’ I tell her, looking into her eyes as the snow falls down. ‘I’ve thought of kissing you again so many times, never knowing if it would happen.’
‘I’ve missed you too, Ben,’ she tells me, her eyes smiling. ‘Can we do it again?’
‘I was hoping you’d say that,’ I reply, before our lips meet again, more slowly this time, though as sensational as ever.
But there’s something I need to tell her. Something I hope she’ll understand. Something from the past that might hurt her enough for this kiss to be our first and last in so long.
‘Let’s go back to the cottage and get warmed up,’ she says to me, her enthusiastic smile making my insides swirl. ‘Now you’ve started that, you’ve left me wanting more and more.’
We walk towards a waiting taxi, hand in hand, and it’s like I’m walking on air.
I only hope she can forgive me for what I’m going to tell her next.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Lou
THEN
Christmas Eve, 21 Years Ago
Ben was home after all.
He hadn’t told me. He hadn’t told anyone, from what I could hear coming from the hallway.
I held my breath behind the huge ballroom door, praying I didn’t cough or sneeze or make any other sound to suggest I was within earshot. It’s not that I wanted to pry. I simply didn’t have anywhere else to go.
‘You had no need to cancel your plans in Germany, Ben,’ Tilda cried. ‘We have it all under control, don’t we, Jack?’
Uncle Eric was talking so fast I couldn’t make him out entirely, but when Jack Heaney shut him down it became loud and clear.
‘Eric, with all due respect there’s nothing you can do to help the situation. There’s more at play here than you know, so keep your opinions to yourself,’ said Jack. I’d never heardhim talk so much in all the years I’d known him. His voice was gruff but laced with emotion. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t for the faint-hearted.
‘I’m a Heaney too!’ said Uncle Eric, who was more than capable of holding his own, it seemed. ‘If you’ve made a balls-up on the stock market and our family home is at stake, I deserve to know the detail!’
‘For God’s sake, tell us the truth, Dad!’ Cordelia shouted over them all. ‘There’s no point beating around the bush when there’s over a hundred people due to come here in two hours. The musicians have just arrived outside, my waiting team from the catering college are on their way, and the charity is expecting this to be a big hit, so we’re not pulling the party no matter how bad it is. For crying out loud, just tell us.’
My hands are clammy and my breath quickens from my hiding place on the other side of the wall. Have they really forgotten I’m in here? Surely Cordelia can’t have when not so long ago I was spilling my heart out to her about how I’d met John.
Oh my God, John.
I closed my eyes, willing my mind to picture his face instead of only seeing Ben’s. John’s presence always calmed me down when I needed him the most. He made me laugh too, and I’d come to miss his sincerity and his one-liners since we’d said goodbye for Christmas. I’d no business being caught up in this family drama with the Heaneys. Ben Heaney was in my past; John Taylor and all our plans were my future.
So why, more than anything in the world, did I long to hold Ben closely and tell him that whatever was going on with his family, it was going to be all right?
‘There’s no way I can stand here and pretend this isn’t happening while the whole village takes over our home,’ bellowed Jack. ‘It’s a farce at this stage. The whole thing is a farce, keeping up the pretence that we’re some sort of heartbeat of the village when the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Never mind raising funds for charity, we can barely afford to keep the lights on!’
‘It’s hardly that bad, don’t exaggerate, Jack,’ said Tilda almost under her breath, but still loudly enough for me to hear. ‘You’re frightening the children.’
‘We’re not children, Mum,’ Ben chimed in. ‘I’m twenty-one years old. I deserve to know if my family’s finances are about to put us out on the street! This is our home, Dad. What are you saying? Are you really in so much trouble that we can’t afford to keep the house going?’
‘I said I can help!’ shouted Uncle Eric.
‘I don’t want your help!’ shouted Jack in return. ‘I will sort this mess out myself. I created it, so I will sort it!’
Jack’s mouth was tight and his face reddened like I’d never seen before.
