Page 65 of Every Christmas Eve
‘You were a kind man, though,’ I remind him. ‘I learned a lot from hanging out with you when I was a wide-eyed student. Everyone told me you were a gentleman, which made me very proud.’
He pauses, frowns and tilts his head in thought.
‘Are you complimenting me, Ben?’ he asks. ‘Was that a compliment, because I think it may have been?’
‘Maybe it was,’ I confess. ‘Gosh, we’re all going soft around here. OK, back to default mode. Two divorces aren’t anything to brag about, are they?’
He guffaws at this so much that he puts his paintbrush on the tray to stop him dripping blue paint all over the place.
‘A broken heart leads to very bad judgement,’ he says, more wistfully now. ‘It’s like trying to drive a car with no oil or expecting a clock to chime when you haven’t taken the time to wind it up properly. The term “fools rush in” could have been my motto in my thirties, though I know now that I was running on empty and expecting to cross a finishing line that was so far out of reach.’
‘You’re right,’ I say, his words resonating with me so much that I don’t even have a proper comeback. ‘She is real, then? Your one true love who got away?’
He raises his eyebrows and lets out a deep sigh.
‘Oh, she’s real all right,’ he replies, staring at the wall. ‘I know where she is, but I don’t knowherany more. I’ve no doubt the tides of time have changed her like they do us all. However, I hold the version of her I do know very close to my heart.’
Then he smiles as if he’s remembered something new.
I can hear that Ava and Mum have come back from their self-titled ‘winter wildlife walk’ with Roly. Mum is still on a high about her new friend Alexander, and while she’d usually prefer to curl up with a book after lunch on a winter’s day like today, instead she put on some layers and invited Ava tojoin her on a walk round the estate, where she undoubtedly told Ava stories of every nook and cranny they came across.
‘Do you think Lou and I have changed too much to really know each other like we used to?’ I ask Uncle Eric.
It’s a pretty loaded question which he doesn’t rush to answer. Instead, he picks up his paintbrush again and dips it into the blue paint, scraping the excess against the tray with his shaking hand.
‘Not necessarily, Ben,’ he tells me. ‘But you’ll need patience. Enjoy getting to know each other again, learn from before but don’t take anything for granted. And make a goddam effort, Ben. Don’t leave anything to assumption. If you want her, tell her so.’
Ava bursts into the room with Roly still on the lead. My mother is following close behind.
‘We saw deer footprints in the mud, Dad, and some Whooper Swans,’ she tells us. ‘We even found a cool hut that looks like it’s been there for years and years.’
‘And Roly chased a rabbit down a hole so far we didn’t think he’d make it out again,’ chirps Mum. Her mood has lifted immensely over the past few days, especially since Cordelia arrived.
But my mind is going into overdrive as I think of how I’m going to make things better between Lou and me before Christmas Eve.
Should I say something with a gift? The best Ava could suggest was flowers … which has given me an idea.
I know exactly what I’ll do. In fact, I’ll go and sort it out right now.
Uncle Eric hands Ava his paintbrush. He looks tired, though he still has one more piece of advice for me before he hands over the reins to my daughter.
‘Take it from an old fool like me,’ he says. ‘Second chances with your one true love don’t come along very often. I only wish I’d had such an opportunity when I was your age. Don’t let her go again. Fight for her.’
He shuffles out of the room, leaving me deep in thought. So much so, it takes me a few seconds to realise that Ava’s little face has dropped.
‘Your one true love?’ she says, her eyes already overflowing with tears. ‘Is that Lou?’
‘Ava, wait,’ I say quickly, but it’s much too late.
‘I’m sick of this!’ she says. ‘I thought your one true love was Mummy.’
‘Let me explain, darling.’
She puts the paintbrush down and runs upstairs before I can say anything more.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Lou
