Page 9 of Every Christmas Eve
‘I might be putting words in your mouth, but I’m right behind you if you are, mate,’ he continues. ‘The last time with the English girl, Kelly, wasn’t acompletedisaster.’
‘Oh, itwasa complete disaster,’ I correct him. ‘Yes, it mayhave been a great date which led to another and another, but in case you’ve forgotten, Kelly overheard Ava asking if I’d found her a new mother. The poor woman ran for the hills, probably back to England if the truth be told.’
But Matt has an answer for everything, it seems. ‘Ava is older now,’ he reminds me. ‘She’d handle it much better these days. We always knew it would be hard, and that it’s entirely your business when you want to try again. And at the same time, if it never happens then that’s OK too, so—’
I put my hands up to stop Matt in his tracks. He claims to know me the best out of anyone, yet the dating scene couldn’t be further from my mind.
He’s on a roll though.
‘Hey, how about the cute teacher who keeps giving you the eye at parents’ night?’ he says, his eyes dancing with excitement. ‘Or – or the blonde lady, Ciara, who brings her pet poodle into our practice at every turnaround. Shesohas the hots for you, Ben. Most of the time that dog is absolutely fine!’
‘Matt!’
‘Or, you know Vic has a single friend, Jenny. We always joke she’d be a perfect match for you. A bit older than you, maybe, but she’s—’
‘Matt!’
‘Or how about – yes, remember the Christmas Eve girl you told me about one night when we were both hammered on Jack Daniel’s?’ he says, his eyes dancing with excitement now. ‘The one back home up north? What’s her name again? I know you said she lives in Chicago.’
Oh God.
‘She lives in New York, actually.’
‘New York, that’s the one,’ he repeats. Jeez, I shouldn’t have encouraged this conversation by correcting him. ‘She seemed to have got under your skin big time, back in the day. You could look her up out of curiosity just to …?’
‘OK, slow down, Matty boy. Slow way down, please,’ I say quickly as my heart burns in my chest. He didn’t even have to say Lou’s name to almost knock me over. The very idea of her is enough. ‘I’m not sure why you’re bringing that up again.’
‘Still a sensitive subject?’
‘No, not really, but I told you before how I never want to … anyhow, you’re barking up the wrong tree entirely,’ I tell him swiftly. ‘I didn’t say I’m ready to date again. I’ve tried it a few times already and the last one was a car crash.’
‘Whoops, that was my fault too,’ Matt remembers.
We both laugh as we recall my blind date from hell, orchestrated with great intentions by Matt and Vic, where the lady turned up drunk and spent the entire dinner on her phone, texting her ex.
‘Someday I will get back on that good old dating horse,’ I say with a slight shudder, ‘but for now there must be more life for me and Ava to live, that’s all. Much more than this.’
Matt has the grace to look embarrassed.
‘I’m so sorry I mentioned the girl from Christmas Eve,’ he says. ‘I shouldn’t have even hinted at your past relationship with the one who must not be mentioned.’
‘It wasn’t a relationship in that way.’ I close my eyes.
‘Your love story, then.’
‘It wasn’t a … oh, for God’s sake, Matt! Why did you bring this up?’
‘Too far, sorry,’ he says. ‘OK, that’s my cue to go. I’m going to mooch out past these wonderfully expensive decorations that you don’t even appreciate, through the hallway of the house you once loved and now hate and into my car, which I’ll drive in the direction of my own home, which you know you can call at any time, and I promise I’ll never bring up such a touchy subject again.’
‘Thank you.’
It’s too late though. She’s already stuck in my mind, and Matt has no idea how hard it is for me to shake her off when that happens, even after all these years.
When Matt leaves I flick through channels. I scroll on my phone. I do my best, but I can’t relax, nor can I switch off to concentrate on what’s on the telly.
Why did he have to bring up Lou Doherty of all people? I haven’t thought of her in so long. I’ve even managed to skip thinking of her for a few Christmas Eves as the years have ticked by. So, why is the very thought of her managing to distract me so much right now?
And when I accidentally fall asleep on the couch, I see her in my dreams, which I’m not sure if I love or hate any more.
