Page 20 of Sustaining
“It’s something you should have more confidence in knowing if you were prepared to run off with her.” The spasm of Rime’s jaw is the only indication that his cruel, evenly spoken words are hurting him.
“I wouldn’t have left you.” I slide right off of Sinister’s lap, feeling the need for independence as I gaze into the palest, frost-kissed eyes I’ve ever seen.
The look in his gaze is questioning, searching. It’s a confusing look. And then I remember how often Rime’s been left alone in his life. Somewhere out there in the world is probably a mother who left him. A father. A family who didn’t want him. People who were supposed to love him and set him aside far too easily.
Pain strikes right through me. My emotions are on overload tonight, and they appear to not have any intention of stopping. I wish he’d let me love him. Maybe I can’t say it to him since he doesn’t want to hear it, but I do. I fucking love him whether he wants me to or not. There are some things, some very few things in this infuriatingly demanding man’s life that are out of his control. And this is one of them. “You’re stuck with this babbling mage, Rime.”
His lips barely tilt at the corner before he looks out at the darkness, avoiding the seriousness of my words. But I won’t let him.
“I’m yours whether you accept that or not.”
Out of the corner of his eyes, he peers at me. “You’re definitely mine, Tamer.” From the small amount of distance that he keeps between us, he rakes that beautiful gaze across my body. “I hate that I can’t protect you from all the things you leap recklessly into.”
“You think Ellise is one of those things?”
“I fucking know she is.”
A beat passes as I try to think through the attachment I have to the Solstice Queen. A small part of her appeal was a bit of awe at meeting a sort of fairy tale legend in my mind. She was the one whosaved Minden. That’s what I’ve been told about the beautiful ‘belated’ Queen all my life.
But a bigger part of me was drawn to her simply because I’ve rarely met anyone who gets it. I’ve been an outcast my entire life. People can say they understand what it feels like, but they will never understand if they don’t have a glimpse into that solitude of empty loneliness I hide so well. It’s a hole so deep that there really is a pointlessness to it all. I didn’t wallow in self-pity, but it literally didn’t matter if I got out of that little bed in my shack most days. And Ellise was the same. She was a drifter, just like me.
Most importantly, she was a mage. She’s experienced hate for something entirely outside of her control. We’re too alike. We’re a dwindling race of people. The number of mages I’ve met in my life is three. Three people, one of which is my own mother, are the only people on the planet who relate to me on that level.
So yeah, I was intrigued by the Solstice Queen.
Rime’s right though; I leapt too fast. It was stupid to feel connected to her, and it was foolish to be so excited about the life she described in Attika. I know it was naïve but I also know I’ll always wonder if she was right about the Northern Kingdom.
She was mysterious, and I know there’s more she hasn’t told me. And I will find out.
“I won’t run off, Rime.” The tension in his broad shoulders eases the moment I assure him. “I just need more answers.”
The four of us study one another as an understanding passes between us.
“We all do,” Sinister whispers.
Eight
Sex and Flowers
Dawn beamsthrough the pale lavender curtains in my room, I stare blankly at nothing as I settle in for a few hours of sleep. Three men sleep downstairs on a pallet, and with how little sleep we’re going to be getting, I’m sure we’ll just keep the sleeping arrangement for today at least. We shouldn’t have stayed up so late. Rime was right, I should have used my magic on the staining and gotten more sleep.
Too bad I’m too addicted to being with them. I want to know all the little things that hurt them and heal them. I want to know everything. Not that I can get all those details in a single night.
Once again, I’m reminded of all the things I don’t know about them as well as the mysterious mage taunting my thoughts.
Before my eyes close, I do something that’s been mostly useless for the past five years; I try to peer into my sight. Before I’d met Kreedence, my sight was a strength for me. It was an asset that helped me daily to avoid incidents with my peers here in this small village. After I’d met Kreedence, I could barely see glimpses and shadows. And now, even after I laid that damn demon to rest, my sight is still blotted by dark magic.
Maybe he damaged it for good.
The asshole. It’d be very like him to damage me for all of eternity.
My gaze closes, and the salty smell of the sea that clings to my hair, to my clothes, to every inch of this room, grounds my magic. I use the natural energy of it to build up the power within me, trying with everything I have to see something, anything that could link Ellise to my ex. Anything at all that might help me understand.
Empty darkness cuts slices of light and humming words into my mind, but it’s muffled. It’s diluted with something shrouding over my sight. A puff of annoyance slips over my lips.
Rime’s so damn certain I’m not a damaged mage.
If only he knew.
