Page 43 of Sustaining
Her lips part to say something more, but it’s me who tears us away from her. My magic wraps around the dragon shifter and me, and without hesitation, I pull us away to safety.
For once, I’m the cautious one.
Sixteen
A Part of Pain
The next morningis chaotic at the dock. Sinister doesn’t pause for a single fucking second before throwing ship after ship into the sea with a flash of all his glorious demon magic. He waves with mock politeness here and there to the women who gape at him. Molly’s mouth hangs wide open, just waiting for the flies to land there while she glares at the demon who’s clearly exhausted of performing for all of them. He winks at her, and that small gesture alone causes her to run off in the direction of the village.
“A piece of someone you last harmed, a drop of someone you’ll always love, and a part of pain that you caused,” Chaos repeats what I just said, and Rime’s sea-blue eyes narrow in thought.
“A piece of the last person you harmed. That’s that mermaid Queen.” Rime’s gaze is fixed on the rushing waves in the distance.
The morning sunlight is a slash of pale yellow that hurts my eyes but doesn’t seem to bother the ice dragon at all.
For the first time since last night, the mage’s words make sense. I had thought it was all just confusing words meant to make me crazy. It took Rime less than a minute to dissect the first section.
“So she needs a piece of a dead mermaid. That’s kind of sick.” Chaos’ brows pull together, his attention drifting from the busy demon in front of him to the crowd of whispering villagers behind us.
“Not entirely. It’d be nothing to clip a lock of her hair.” Kain turns away from us as he speaks, keeping all of his brooding attention on the whispering men and women.
It isn’t lost on me that this is the second village that we’ve gained just a bit too much attention in. This time it’s Sinister’s fault. I can’t be blamed for the ruckus this morning. At least…not yet.
“Arlow. What are you doing?” The hissing question is one I’ve heard all my life. It wasn’t just the few bat incidents when I was older. It was when I was a little girl and I had no idea the stirring power within me was bad. I didn’t understand why it was so shameful and why it was so dire for me to hide that special part of me away. And so, my mother would ask me this same hissing question laced with fear and anger with every slip up I made.
Just like she’s asking right now while the demon in front of us doesn’t stop his quick work for even a second.
“Tell him to stop. Right now. He’s going to get you killed, Arlow.” My mother’s lips quiver, but she tightens her jaw to stop the weakness from showing. Her big blue eyes shift frantically over the crowd, and she pulls her thin shawl tighter around her small shoulders.
I wish I could tell her there’s nothing to worry about. It should be the easiest thing in the world to comfort someone you care about. And yet, I can’t tell her that. I can’t tell her a flat-out lie.
“It’s fine, Mom. We just have to finish up these ships for the Prince to collect this afternoon.” I pause, hating what I’m about to say to her. But I say it anyway. “I’ll be sure to be gone before Linden and his father arrive. I’ll be gone before the villagers have time to point their fingers at me, Mom.”
The thin line of her lips falls until she’s gazing at me with sadness cracking across her beautiful features. I feel that look deep inside my chest, splintering through with aching pain.
“Arlow, don’t,” she whispers. “You just got here. Don’t leave. Don’t—don’t leave me again, Arrie.” Her eyes clench closed, and when her lips tremble once again, she can’t seem to stop it.
A heavy wave of guilt spreads through my chest, wrapping tightly around my heart and my lungs until I can barely breathe while looking at her. One of the hardest things in life is to hurt your mother. And to do it time and time again, it doesn’t get easier. It isn’t any easier today than it’s been my entire life.
My hand lifts with hesitation, but it slides slowly into her small palm. The sound of uneven breaths and quiet sniffles filters between us, and as much as I just want to curl myself into her arms, I’m not a little girl any more. I’m an exhausted woman now. The years I spent doing as she told me, hiding myself away, it’s so fucking exhausting. And I’m tired of it. Physically tired.
I don’t know how she does it and doesn’t completely crumble from the amount of stress she must be carrying around on her shoulders. That’s how she’s always been, though: strong, resilient, unyielding.
And that’s how she is right now, even as quiet tears slide down her cheeks. It’s then that I know.
A part of pain that you caused.For my mother, I’ll always be just that: a part of pain.
My fingers lift, and I brush away her warm tears. With a discreet wave of my hand, I magically seal those teardrops away, saving them for a later time.
Her thin fingers tighten around mine like she can literally hold me here for the rest of our lives if she holds on tight enough. I let her hold me just like that with her tears streaming down her face faster and faster while a quiet, pressing sadness fills the space between two mages who hide more secrets than the world will ever know.
“Don’t get into trouble, Arrie.”
The gentleness of her voice hurts my heart even more. Her new acceptance of who I am now hurts me even more for some reason that I can’t explain.
“And come back to us. Visit. Stay for a while. Say you’ll come back.” Her voice trembles down to a shaking whisper, and dampness stings my eyes as I nod to her.
It’s a quiet moment shared between us.
