Page 52 of Sinless Demons
I can’t breathe. I can’t catch my breath, and I can’t think about all the things that are a chaotic swirl within my mind. It’s too much. There’s too much to say that I haven’t said yet.
“Catherine’s gone,” I blurt. His dark lashes flutter, and his gaze softens as he watches me. “She’s quiet, and she’s emotionless, and I don’t know if I lost her, or if...” I choke on those words, but there’s so many more waiting to get out. “I don’t want to murder my father. I want to kill the cruel racist fucking king, but I want to save my father, who sent me away to protect me, and I can’t do both of those things when the two men are one and the same.” Zaviar’s hold on me loosens, but his warm hands never slip away from my arms. His fingers stroke back and forth as a shaking breath storms my lungs and even more words vomit from my mouth. “And I finally have four people who would protect me at all costs, who care about me more than anyone ever has, and I’m so fucking terrified I’ll do to them what I’ve done to my mother. What I’ve done to the Shadow Guard. What I’ve done to myself.” I close my eyes hard before the dampness there trails out.
Steady fingers push back my hair. My breathing stays reckless even as warm lips press at the corner of my lips. He kisses there before he leans in close, his breath skimming across my neck before he whispers in my ear.
“I—I hate when you call me Remorseless because ever since I left the gods, I regret so fuckin’ much, it makes me hate myself more and more each day.” His rumbling words are low and filled with...remorse. My wet lashes lift, and I lock eyes with deep dark blue ones. “Don’t be like me, Pretty Crow. Don’t regret the things you didn’t do. Don’t hide here and wait for shit to sort itself out. That’s not you.” His gaze slips to my parted lips for a second, filled with tension and heat.
And then he shoves off of me. He leaves me there on the floor as I stare up at the carved wooden beams of the ceiling above.
“Am I mistaken, or doesn’t someone have safe words that must be said to end the sparring?” Krave asks quietly as Zaviar shoves open the door.
The angel glares back at the incubus from over his big pink wings.
“Fucking Jizz Muffin,” Zaviar grumbles before the door shuts hard behind him.
The smiles aren’t there this time. Only silence follows.
A bitter twisting sensation fills my stomach, and it makes me physically sick to think about what he told me.
And I hate that he’s right.
17
The Advisors
Aries
The sun burns behind the sharp peaks of the castle rooftops. I feel small at the base of it all, staring up at the smooth brick and inhaling the morning air that’s tinged with red roses and bloody memories.
“We don’t have to go in, love,” Krave whispers at my side, his fingers lifted, but he never runs his distracting touch along my skin.
Zaviar clears his throat hard from behind me, but all four of the men just let me keep my quiet. For just a few seconds longer.
Just a little while.
“Your father’s looking for you,” a breathless voice calls as Nille runs through the rose garden, his little feet rushing despite how slow the goblin is actually moving. “Your mother said to keep your absence a secret, but your father hasn’t stopped screaming about it for days now.” His big head bobs as the height of the bushes nearly overtakes him.
“Thank you, Nille,” I call after him.
A calmer presence steps forward in a deep red gown that matches the feathers that span around her slender frame.
Nille scuttles to a stop on the dirty brick sidewalk and stares up at his Queen.
She seems so tall and powerful in comparison to the goblin. She hasn’t seemed that way in my eyes for years.
The three demons and the angel all shift closer to me. They linger on shifting feet as if my mother alone in her garden is a threat to me.
“I always told your father you were the good one,” she says on a whisper so quiet, it barely kisses the breeze. “I always reminded him that you were different. That you needed time to grow out of childish thoughts, and I always asked him to show our sweet girl kindness.” She doesn’t look at me as she says it all. “As you grew older, I saw your recklessness, and I thought it made you stronger, even if it was a dangerous trait.” Her eyes close hard, and when she opens them, she’s staring daggers into my soul. “I didn’t know it made you deadly. I didn’t know—” A gasping breath shoves from her lungs. Her emotions snap, and she’s composed so quickly, my trembling heart doesn’t know how to react to my mother, who’s always so calm, it’s hard to process all of this. “I love you, but do not harm him, Ari. Everything that’s ever been cast upon him, all magic good and bad, will be inherited by you. You don’t know what hell he has hanging over his head.” Her eyes hold mine, and I wish like fuck I could tell her that I do.
Idoknow what hell is hanging over his head, because that hell has made a home inside my head for the last three fucking years.
I nod to her slowly, and she simply walks away. I don’t know what I’m nodding about because I honestly can’t agree to what she just asked of me. I can’t say I won’t kill him.
I can only promise to keep her and this kingdom safe.
One way or another.
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