Page 93 of The Ordeals
‘I know.I knowI’m fucking magnificent. And I’mfuriousthat you waited for me,’ I say and surge forward, pushing him into the portal. Too late, he realises what I’m doing, trying to twist, to grip my arm and pull me ahead of him.
His eyes widen in horror, his mouth forming my name as he falls through the portal and it seals up behind him. I huff a breath, placing my hands on my knees and feel the edges of myself fraying, the power inside me growing dim. I’ve used so much, so quickly, and I have no idea of the depths of it, how to wield it, how to rebuild this magic, and now I’m left here, alone in the brume. And the fucking portal is gone.
I choke out a laugh, squinting up at the slice of sky where it glimmered, only seconds ago. ‘So it really is just one of us through each portal.’ I run a hand down my face and straighten up. It’s done. The weight on my heart, already dragged down and down by the death of Dolly, would have been too heavy to carry the death of another person I love within it.
Scanning the arena of fire and ice and shadow beneath me, I scramble back down the podium and pick my way through the wreckage of the Ordeal. There are no portals left. No glinting magic renting the sky, no doorways left to step through.
But …
What if I made one? Hess made these. He’s an alchemist, just like I am. It may be impossible, but I’ve done the impossible. My heart is still beating, I’m still standing. And there’s a gargoyle a few feet away, watching me.
‘How do I create a portal?’ I ask it, raising my charred, bloody hands. ‘How?’
It regards me coolly, scraping one of those clawed paws against the top of a podium. A swirl of ice and frost batters my left side and I stagger, pushing it back with my hands, willing it into something else, something warmer until it dissipates. ‘How?’ I cry.
‘Picture the other side, alchemist,’ the gargoyle replies.
The other side …
I draw in a breath, eyeing the shadows stalking through the ruins towards me, the vines already clustering, ready to strike. As flame erupts at the base of the podium where the gargoyle squats, I throw out my hands. But instead of imagining it as fire, I picture Killmarth. I focus on the people I want to return to, the life I’ve carved for myself. I throw everything into it, the roar of life and death—
And I cut.
I cut a path made of flame, altering it, transforming it into a waythrough. Alchemy. The transmutation of one thing to another thing. Am I not the very essence of that? Can I not forge my own path? My own choices?
I focus all my will, my intent, myneedto be a scholar. To find my purpose, to hone this magic inside me. To be more than a shadow. To be more than a creature of misery and longing. To be the personI chooseto be. I allow the flow of power, of magic, of whatever is left to flow into it. I cut down, like I’m slicing the very air, ripping a hole and creating a walkway into the ether. I picture Killmarth. I picture them, their faces. I picture Alden, the man I love. I allow him to anchor me, to guide me. And then I step through it, leaving the arena, the final Ordeal, leaving all of it behind.
I step out, into nothing, imagining a bridge that will take me from here, to there and fall onto the cold, hard ground.
‘Twenty-one … well I’ll be,’ a voice says in wonder as a hand grabs my shoulder.
I try to shrug off that hand, try to find Alden, the man I walked to, who gave me the strength to push through. I see the towers of Killmarth, the walls, a sea of faces, then I see brown eyes.
His eyes.
‘You’re alive. Gods, you’re alive,’ he says, cradling my face in awe.
I take a jagged breath, moving my own hands to his face, running my fingertips gently over his skin. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t stand the thought of you weakening yourself for me. I couldn’t risk you failing. I need you alive. I need … you. I love you. I love you too much.’
A breath shudders out of him, like he’s been holding it for a lifetime, and he brushes a kiss to my temple, silencing my tumble of words. ‘And I love you. I love every piece of you. I will always wait for you. Even if all other hope is gone … I will love you.’ I choke out a sob at his words, pressing my forehead to his. He chuckleshuskily, his fingers reaching up, tangling with my hair. ‘I’m sorry too, Sophia. But I wouldn’t change a moment of us. Not one single moment. You truly are magnificent.’
His lips meet mine and I close my eyes. For that perfect space of a handful of heartbeats, there’s just the two of us. Just his warmth, his scent, the feel of his mouth against mine. He pulls back, eyes pinned to mine, the dark oak of them molten, alive and tender. ‘I haven’t kissed you, or held you nearly enough.’
Another sob tears from my chest, and I try to reach for him again. But darkness edges in, blotting him out, blotting the world out, and I’m falling. Further and further, tumbling into a dark, yawning abyss. I hear him calling my name, but I can’t get there. I can’t get back to him. The magic, the raw, flowing power in my veins sputters out. Leaving me in nothing.
Chapter 34
I Choose You
When I stir, I’m under starched white sheets. It’s cold, so much colder than the warm pool I was in. The endless pool of darkness, the one that swallowed me whole. I blink, a distant buzzing whirring like a siren. Then I focus, finding rows of beds, like the one I’m in. And beside me, face turned towards me, eyes closed in sleep, is Alden. I watch him for a moment, that peaceful face, seeming so much younger in repose, with all the worries of life shifted from him. His arm is bandaged, lying on top of the covers, and I wince as I remember the charred flesh. That burn, one of magic, and I know he’s lucky to still have his arm at all.
‘She’s awake. Sophia, thank goodness.’ Tessa is suddenly crouched beside me, blocking out Alden, throwing her arms around me, shaking with sobs. ‘I thought when I couldn’t find you in the courtyard …’
‘It’s all right,’ I say, throat full of blades and I swallow quickly. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Better than fine, I should say,’ Knox says, swinging into view with a wink. ‘Fellow alchemist. Nice one, DeWinter.’
Tessa hunkers down lower, so it’s only the two of us for a moment. ‘For what you did, thank you. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here. And to think, my grandmother promised we’d all be rivals. She couldn’t have been more wrong. I’mso gladshe was wrong.’
