Page 9 of Quentin
“You’re not a horrible person, Quentin! Not for being mad because of what happened to her!”
“I am a horrible person, Lowey,” he said softly, “Because I’m madather. Because I think, all the fucking time, that we’d all be better off if she’d just died. Then there would have been an end to it. There’d have been a point we could have just moved on from. But we’re all still stuck in limbo right along with her.”
He’d never admitted that to anyone. Those words, those thoughts, had eaten away at him for years, and he was afraid to look over at her, afraid to see the way she’d look at him after.
When she finally spoke, her voice was soft, and for Lowey, it was impossibly tender. “That doesn’t make you horrible. The truth of the matter is, Quentin, what happened to your mother is worse than death. And what you’ve had to deal with—it’s worse than grieving for someone who died. Because the world lets you fall apart then. People stand back and let you just wail and scream and carry on. But for this, they tell you to be strong, to be there for your family, to pray because God never gives you more than you can handle. Well, Icall bullshit on that. What you’ve had, with Samuel and with your mama, that’s more than anybody should ever have to handle.”
Six
The drive into Lexington was quiet. After his earlier admission, he’d retreated into himself. Lowey understood that. She was still amazed that he’d opened up to her at all. Quentin didn’t ever talk aboutfeelings. Hell, he didn’t acknowledge having them. Just moods. And God above, he could be a moody bastard. But at least now she understood why. There was so much pain trapped inside him, a lot of guilt and misery he just didn’t know how to let go of even to save himself. And she was nobody’s savior. The last time she’d thought she could save a man he’d nearly killed her.
“Where are we headed exactly?” she asked as they approached New Circle Road.
“Downtown. I’m meeting someone at the Hyatt.”
She rolled her eyes. “Business or pleasure? Do I need to run you by an ATM first, so you’ll have cash to pay for whatever services are being rendered?”
“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not meeting a hooker!”
“Then stop being so damn vague. Not everything has to be a mystery, Quentin!”
He sighed and leaned his head back against the seat. “Fine. I’m meeting an old friend of mine who may be interested in investing in Fire Creek. Now that we have Samuel’s share of the company in our control, we’re looking to make some changes and trying to expand.”
“That was very informative,” she replied. “Thank you…you know, I have to ask, is it me that you keep things from specifically, or are you just this closed off with everyone?”
“I just told you something that I’ve never told anyone else in my life. And you are accompanying me to a meeting that could literally change the course of not just my family’s business but our entire town. What do you think?”
Lowey turned off New Circle onto Nicholasville Road and headed toward Main Street. When he put it in those terms, it felt big. Momentous even. And that made her equal parts uncomfortable and hopeful. In all, it was just an awkward as hell position to be in.
“I think I don’t know what prompted your sudden openness, and it terrifies me,” she admitted. “I can’t afford for you to suddenly be the man I need…because we both know it won’t last. You’ll go back to being a closed-mouthed, hard-hearted son of a bitch, and I’ll be stuck pining for you all over again.”
“Did you pine for me?”
Shit. She should never have said that. It was bad enough she’d done it. Admitting to it just added humiliation on top of it. Brushing it off as if it wasn’t important, she replied, “For an hour or two. Then I got over it.”
“I didn’t.” He said it softly, his voice pitched low. But in the quiet confines of the car, it still resounded like a shot. It was what she’d wanted him to say, what she’d wanted so desperately to hear. Trusting him wasn’t easy though. Trusting anyone wasn’t easy for her, and he’d already burned her once.
“Don’t do this, Quentin. Not now,” she implored. “Neither one of us is in a place for this.”
He continued, never taking his eyes off her and speaking so resolutely that it just cut straight through her. “It wasn’t just an hour or two. I have missed you every goddamn day. I regretted walking out that door the second it closed behind me.”
“Then you should have thought about that before you walked out!” she said, turning the car into one of the parking structures near the hotel. “I’ll wait for you here.”
He reached for the door handle but paused. “This is not over. You and me…we’re not over.”
“You’re starting to sound a hell of a lot like Joey Barnes,” she said. “You don’t get to decide for me!”
He looked back at her then, his gaze direct and challenging. “Then tell me that you don’t feel it…you tell me that, and I’ll walk away whether I want to or not.”
She couldn’t make herself utter the words even though she wanted to. The need to say them was so strong that they burned on her lips, but she couldn’t force them out. After a moment of torturous silence, he gave a slight nod that was packed full of “I told you so” and got out of the car.
“Asshole,” she muttered. Even then, her gaze was locked firmly on his perfectly sculpted ass as he walked away from her.
Quentin walked into the hotel and headed directly for the restaurant where Deacon Mallory was waiting for him. They’d gone to college together. Partied and drank together. Somehow, they’d mostly sobered up and got their shit together in tandem as well. Or as together as his could be, Quentin thought, since emotionally, he was about as fucked up as any one person could be.
As he approached the table, Deacon let out a low whistle. “I hope she was worth it,” he said with a grin.
They were friends, and Quentin could tell him that it wasn’t over a woman. But then he’d have to tell him that it was about family drama instead, and since he was there to get him to invest in thefamilybusiness, it seemed like a stupid move to him. So, he just smiled and kept his mouth shut as he eased into the chair. His ribs hurt. Everything hurt, but it wasn’t as bad as the day before. He felt like his lungs could actually expand.
