Page 134 of Game Changer
“This isn’t how relationships are supposed to work. This is how...affairswork. Dirty secrets. I’m not ashamed of you. At all. And I’m not ashamed ofme. I’ve never been ashamed of myself, and I’ve been out since I was eighteen.”
Scott bit his lip. “I’ve been honest with you this whole time. I wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into.”
“I did. I do. But I also know this isn’t how I want this relationship to be. I don’t want to be your secret. But... I’m worried, that if I push you—if I pressure you to come out and be honest about us, or at least aboutyou—that you’ll realize I’m not worth the hassle.”
Scott looked like Kip had gut-punched him. “God,” he said in a tiny voice. “No, Kip. No, I would never think that!”
“Being with you has been amazing, but it’s also...lonely. And...” Kip swallowed. He needed to get this next part out. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
Scott looked at him pleadingly. “I know I’m being selfish, asking you to keep this secret. I’m so sorry for that. But I’m also protecting you. I don’t think you realize how much your life would change if this got out.”
“My life hasalreadychanged. And not only in a good way, Scott. I feel like I’ve been shoved back into the closet. It’s not you being famous or whatever that’s making this hard for me. I’ve never been with someone who is ashamed of who they are.”
“I’m notashamed!” Scott argued.
Kip folded his arms and gave him a pointed look.
“I’m not!” Scott said. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. With being...gay. I definitely don’t think there’s anything wrong with being in love with you. But my life has very little to do with whatIthink. There’s a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. I represent something important to a lot of people.”
“And you can’t do that and also be gay?”
“Not according to most of them, no.”
“So show them that they’re wrong!” Kip said it way too loudly. His voice bounced off the walls of Scott’s condo.
He thought Scott would yell at him, but instead he seemed to deflate. “I just don’t... Our time together has mostly been away from all of that. It’s been...nice.”
“An escape, you mean?”
“No! I’ve already told you that’s not what—You’re apartof my life. Not a distraction from it. Never, Kip. I promise.”
“But I amseparatefrom the rest of your life,” Kip argued, “and worse than that, you’re hiding whoyouare.”
“I have to.”
“Do you?”Kip demanded. “Are yousure? What’s the worst that could happen?”
“I can’t! Not now. The playoffs...”
Kip took a breath. “I’m not asking you to do anything right now, but you need to start to think seriously about coming out. Or at least not hiding. You don’t have to make a grand statement.”
Scott’s posture stiffened. “Do you have any idea how huge the media circus would be if I came out? If people knew I was dating you?”
Kip shrugged. “So your plan is to keep this a secret forever?”
“No.”
“Or until you realize you’re way out of my league and move on?”
“Kip—”
“You just expect me to hide out in your apartment until you need me?”
“No!” Scott said. He was angry now. He stood up. “I can’t believe you’re even suggesting any of this! Have I treated you badly? Have I not shown you how much you mean to me?”
“I can’t meanthatmuch to you. You’re obviously embarrassed to be with me.”
Kip knew he shouldnothave said this the moment the words left his lips. But instead of backing down or apologizing, he glared at Scott and crossed his arms, waiting.
