Page 105 of Tough Guy
“Yeah, I noticed that.”
Ilya blew out more smoke and said, “This game can be really fucking terrible.”
Ryan shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded. “I know.”
A moment of silence passed, and then Ryan couldn’t help but ask, “Why areyouhere anyway? Did you know Harvey?”
“No. Not really. But...his death. Suicide. It matters to me.”
“Oh.” Right. Ilya’s mother. The whole reason he had started a charity with Shane Hollander.
“We don’t talk about it enough in this sport. Depression. Addiction. Mental health.” Ilya glanced at him. “Youknow about it.”
Ilya had never had a problem with being direct. “Yeah. I know about it.”
“How are you doing?”
“Some days are better than others. But I see a therapist. It’s, like, on Skype, but it still works. And I take meds. I should probably talk about it more, but...”
“You are a private person. I understand that.”
He had to smile. “Do you?”
There was a funny little twist to Ilya’s lips. “We all have secrets.”
Ryan nodded. Of course Ilya had secrets. He wondered if Ilya was possibly as lonely as he was.
“Do you like playing hockey?” Ilya asked suddenly.
Ryan almost answered “Of course” without thinking, but he stopped himself and instead considered Ilya’s question.
“No. I don’t think I have for a long time.”
“It doesn’t make you happy?”
The last thing hockey did was make Ryan happy. “I think it makes me miserable, to be honest.”
“That’s a problem,” Ilya said.
“I know.”
Ilya finished his cigarette. “Wyatt Hayes is a good guy.”
“He is. I miss him.”
“He said you help out at a place with kids? Play hockey with them?”
“Oh.” Ryan looked at the ground, embarrassed that Wyatt had been talking about him to Ilya Rozanov. “Yeah. When I can. Which isn’t often.”
“You like it?”
“I do. I like kids.”
Ilya nodded. “What are you doing this summer?”
Ryan was having a hard time keeping up with Ilya. “I don’t know. Might go back home to Nova Scotia. Why?”
Ilya fished his phone out of his pocket and handed it to him. “Give me your number. We are organizing these camps for our charity. Me and Shane. Hollander, I mean.” He looked oddly embarrassed for a moment. “They are hockey camps for kids. They will be in Ottawa and Montreal this summer. We could use help.”
