“Um.”
“Sorry. That was probably too much information.”
“No! No, it’s fine.” Scott’s cheeks were flaming. “That’s, uh, do you mean you don’t usually like sex?”
“I like it a lot, when I find someone I want to have sex with. It’s just not very often that I’m drawn to someone in that way. I know it’s weird.”
“It’s not weird,” Scott said quickly. “I went most of my life without sex, although that was more out of fear than a lack of, um, interest.” He laughed nervously. “Anyway. You like Kyle and you like having sex with him, right?”
“Yes.”
“And he presumably likes you and likes having sex with you.”
Eric bit his cheek to stop a smile as he thought of their last time together. Kyle had tied down Eric’s wrists and ankles, and had him spread eagle on the bed using some gear that Kyle had brought over. They’d sucked each other off at the same time, Kyle’s lean body stretched on top of Eric, until they both reached the edge. Then Kyle had turned and ridden Eric hard until they both came.
And after, Kyle had stayed the night. Eric had held him close while they’d slept, and in the morning they’d had sex again. That time there had been no cuffs or toys. Just toe-curling kisses and lots of smiles and laughter.
That might have been when Eric had realized he was damn close to being in love with Kyle.
“I’m in over my head here, I think,” Eric admitted.
Scott’s eyes were sympathetic, which only made Eric feel more pathetic. “As I’ve said, I’m probably not the best person to give advice on dating, but it sounds like you should probably talk to him.”
Eric considered Scott’s sensible suggestion, then shook his head. “I can’t. Even if he wants a relationship with me, it isn’t fair to him.”
Scott took a sip of water, then said, “You know, I thought the same thing about Kip once. At first because of the sneaking around, and then because of the attention I knew we’d get as a couple. But eventually I realized it wasn’t my decision to make. Kip deserved a say, and so does Kyle. He’s young, but he’s not a kid.”
“I know. I just—” Eric sighed. He knew everything Scott was saying made sense, but he still wasn’t convinced that asking Kyle for more than what they had now was fair. “I’ll figure it out. Let’s talk about hockey instead. Are the guys going to be shocked tonight, do you think?”
Scott chewed his mouthful of rice thoughtfully. After he swallowed, he said, “Maybe not shocked, but I think it will still hit them hard. We take you for granted, y’know?”
“Tommy’s ready for the job.”
Scott nodded. “I’m sure of it. He’ll be great.” He smiled sadly. “But he’s not you.”
“I’ll be staying in Manhattan. You’ll still see me. I’ve put way too much work into that house to leave it.”
“When I first moved to the city, I didn’t think I’d ever get used to it. But now I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
“Same. I think I’m here for life.” Even as he said it, the thought entered his brain that hecouldimagine leaving if he were in a real relationship with Kyle, and he wanted to leave New York. It was an absolutely ridiculous thought.
“Well then,” Scott said with a grin, “we can grow old together.”
“I’ve got a bit of a head start on you, Scotty.”
Scott laughed, but Eric hated that it was true. He hated that he was so much older than nearly all of his friends. So much older than the man he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about.
For the millionth time, Eric shut all of his thoughts and feelings about Kyle into a box and locked it. He needed to focus on the game that night against Toronto. Between the retirement announcement and the fact that his team really needed a win tonight, his love life should really be the least of his concerns.
The mood in the locker room was somber after the game. The Admirals had played hard, but they’d been unable to hold their lead until the end. Toronto had tied the game with just over a minute to go in the third, and then had scored again in overtime. Eric felt terrible about letting that one in.
And now he needed to announce to his teammates that he was retiring. Hell, maybe they’d be relieved after that performance.
“Hey,” Scott said loudly. He walked to the middle of the room, still dressed in gear from the waist down, and shirtless from the waist up. “That was a tough one. But we fought really fucking hard and we don’t have to hang our heads about that, all right?” He pointed at one of the rookies. “Woody, that play you made in the second period to get us our third goal? Fucking incredible. One of the best I’ve ever seen.”
There were murmurs of agreement around the room, and even a few claps.
“Benny, I know you’re beating yourself up about those last two goals, but forty-eight saves? And there were at least five that were basically impossible. You stood on your head for us tonight.”