Page 119 of Common Goal
They ate in silence for a few minutes, Kyle devouring his pancakes with gusto, and Eric slowly savoring each maple-sweet, buttery mouthful.
“Thanks for suggesting this today,” Eric said when he had finished. “It was exactly what I needed.”
“Don’t thank me. I’m having a great day.”
“Well, I appreciate it, anyway. I know I’m not the most fun person on earth.”
“Oh my god. Can you please stop acting like you’re my old uncle Eric who I am forced to spend time with? You’re my friend, and I don’t mind looking at you, so this is all a win for me.”
Eric studied him for a minute. Kyle stared right back at him.
“Okay,” Eric said finally.
Kyle’s brain was a mess for the entire drive back to the city. He liked Eric so much. He wanted to tell him. He wanted to spend the rest of the day and night with him. He wanted to fall in love with him because he knew it wouldn’t take much. Just permission.
“Do you have to work tonight?” Eric asked.
“No, thank god. I’m way too tired for that.”
He glanced over and noticed that Eric’s jaw looked tense. “You’re not ready to face it, are you?” Kyle asked gently.
“Nope.”
When they reached Chelsea, Kyle said, “Why don’t you come up for a bit? We can avoid the real world a little longer.”
Eric seemed to consider the offer, and Kyle could sense the rejection coming.
“We both know what will happen if I go upstairs with you,” Eric said.
“Yeah. I thought—don’t youwantthat to happen?”
Eric’s knuckles were tight on the steering wheel, and his jaw was clenched as he stared straight ahead, avoiding Kyle’s gaze. “It doesn’t matter what I want. We can’t keep doing this.”
Kyle’s heart clenched. “Why?”
“Because I’m not the kind of person who can have sex with a friend and just be cool about it.” He dropped his hands into his lap and looked down at them. “I’m confusing what we’re doing with something...else. Something impossible.”
Kyle swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Impossible?”
Eric finally met his gaze, and Kyle could see tears in his eyes. “If things were different, Kyle—”
“No,” Kyle interrupted, fury welling inside him. “If you’re telling me that you have real feelings for me—that you wantmore—but you think the age difference is too much, then you can stop right now.”
“It’s true, though.”
“I’m not akid.”
“And I’m not right for you, Kyle.”
Kyle shook his head, tears burning his eyes. “Youare.” He may as well admit it. Nothing to lose now. “You’reperfectfor me. Haven’t you noticed how good we are together? It can’t just be me who feels it.”
Eric smiled sadly back at him. “It’s not just you.”
“Well then?” Kyle’s voice broke on the second word.
“I’ll never forgive myself if I let you waste your time on me. Youryouth.”
“Fuck my youth!” It tore out of Kyle, louder than he’d meant it to. “And fuck you for thinking I can’t make my own decisions.”
