Page 120 of Common Goal

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Eric lowered his head. “I was twenty-four when I married Holly. And sixteen years later we realized we weren’t right for each other.”

“So what? So you shouldn’t try in case one day you change your mind? You think falling in love isn’t worth the risk?”

Eric’s eyes went wide, and a tear spilled out, trailing down his cheek into his beard. “I know you think—”

“Iknow. I don’tthink. I know how I feel about you. I want to be with you Eric. I—”

“You said it would be casual,” Eric said, a tremor of anger in his voice. “You said sex didn’t have to be a big deal. No strings attached, right?”

Kyle sniffed and looked away. “Right. Guess I fucked up.” He put his hand on the door handle. “Again.”

“Kyle...”

“Nope. I get it. This isn’t what you signed up for. I’m just a kid with a weakness for men who only see me as a fun time.” He opened the door, then turned back and said, bitterly, “You graduated, by the way. Top marks. Thank you for attending Kyle’s gay sex school.”

“Kyle—”

But Kyle was already out of the car, and slamming the door behind him.

Tears streamed down his face as he walked quickly to the elevator. Why did he keep doing this? Why couldn’t he fall for a man who actually wanted to be with him? The worst part was that he wasn’t sure Eric didn’t want to be with him. If Kyle were a few years older, they’d probably be celebrating their monthiversary for real now. Or maybe Eric had never even considered lowering himself to being in a relationship with a twenty-five-year-old homewrecker.

He finally made it to his apartment, which was mercifully empty, and locked the door firmly behind him. He slumped to the floor, his back to the door, and buried his face in his hands, miserable and frustrated.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The thing about the playoffs was that Eric was never sure when his last game would actually be. It was even harder to know when his lasthomegame would be.

The last game ended up being an away game in Washington at the end of the first round of the playoffs. The score wasn’t even close, so Eric stood alone with his goal posts—his constant companions—and quietly counted down the last ten seconds.

When it was over, he gave the crossbar behind him a pat. “Thanks for everything, fellas. Treat the next generation well, okay?”

It was devastating to not even make it out of the first round, but Eric was touched by the D.C. crowd’s standing ovation for him after the game. The arena had put his picture on the big screens as the announcer reminded the crowd that this was Eric’s final game. There had been plenty of Admirals fans in the building, but all of the Washington fans were applauding too. Between the crushing blow of elimination and that touching display of affection from the fans, Eric was a blubbering mess when he finally made it to the locker room.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Scott, whose eyes were as red and wet as Eric’s. “I wanted to take us further.”

“We lost together,” Scott said firmly, even through his tears. “I’m just sorry your last game wasn’t at home.”

He hugged him, and then Carter piled on, and soon the entire team was hugging each other with Eric in the very center. He loved these guys so much.

The room was somber for a while, but it wasn’t long before Carter had picked the mood back up. “My last game,” he said, “is going to be legendary. I’m going to score five goals, and the last one is going to bust a hole right through Dallas Kent.”

Everyone laughed and cheered. Eric was grateful for Carter. He didn’t think he’d be able to stand it if his last time sharing a locker room with these guys was quiet and miserable.

Eric had had a quiet celebration of his own during their last regular season home game. His family—parents, siblings, nieces and nephews—had all come down from Hamilton to watch the game, and they’d gone out afterward and had spent the next day together. It had been nice, but Eric hadn’t been in a celebratory mood for a long time. Not since Kyle had slammed that car door in his face.

It had been two months since that day they’d gone hiking. Two months since he’d seen Kyle, or spoken to him. He’d thought about texting. He’d thought about just showing up at the Kingfisher. He thought about Kyle every single day. But Eric had had the playoffs to focus on, and he still believed that he’d done Kyle a favor by separating himself from him. Being away from him hurt like he’d broken every bone in his body, but it was for the best. Just like a broken bone, this would heal in time.

But god, if only he could have introduced Kyle to his family. He knew it would be a shock whenever he told his family that he was attracted to men. It would be a bigger shock if he introduced Kyle as his boyfriend, but he was starting to not care about shocking people. The truth was that he couldn’t stop thinking about Kyle’s fierce declaration:You’re perfect for me.

And despite Eric’s hopelessly practical brain telling him otherwise, Eric knew it was true. Hisheartknew it was true.

Kyle had been the brightest thing in Eric’s life, and Eric was having a hard time finding joy in anything since he’d lost him. His spare time had mostly been filled with having his living room redecorated to best complement his new painting. Now he spent his nights staring at that painting, alone, and wishing he hadn’t gone through so much trouble to accommodate something so bleak. Wondering if he should have instead made room in his life for something warmer.

Eric’s thoughts were consumed by Kyle during the team’s short flight home that night. Maybe it was the emotional roller coaster of the playoffs, or maybe it was the cliff dive of officially ending his hockey career, but Eric found himself wondering if it wasn’t too late to try again with him. Kyle could be with someone else now. He could have forgotten all about Eric. And wasn’t that what Eric wanted?

No. God. Even thinking about the possibility of that was agony. Eric didn’t want Kyle to be with anyone else. And Eric didn’t want to be with anyone but Kyle.

He stared out the window, watching the lights of New York City twinkle up through the darkness. Hockey was over. That chapter of his life was officially done. When he walked off this plane, he would be saying goodbye to his teammates, to his career. And when he thought about the rest of his life, all he knew was that he wanted Kyle in it.