Page 89 of Sonnets and Serpents
Henry laughed. A harsh, cracked sound, devoid of any actual humor. “I’m ashapeshifter. I can’t— Even without the banishment, I can’t ever go home. My brothers, my parents ... they’d ...”
Eliza’s heart twisted at the raw pain in his voice, and she reached for his hand, but he flinched at her touch. Slowly, she withdrew, resting her hands in her lap.
She glanced at Silas and caught him touching the scar on his neck before he lowered his hand in the same way.
Silas’s father had tried to kill him. Would Henry’s father do the same if he knew the truth?
She couldn’t imagine that. Lord Wycliff was part of her father’s Upper Court, and she often saw him at the castle. He dressed brightly and laughed easily. Aria said he had a level head when offering suggestions in the king’s council. When Henry had won the tournament all those weeks ago, Lord Wycliff had come right out of his seat cheering his second-youngest son.
Would all of that vanish just because of magic?
Had it vanished for Silas?
Eliza swallowed. The tiny dorm felt smaller than ever, her legs cramped, the dresser pressing from behind.
Silas’s voice broke the silence. “My first transformation happened at Fairfax.”
Henry lifted his head, blinking.
“That’s where you went to school, too, isn’t it? If you’re eighteen, you and I would have overlapped a year. I was arguing with Professor Harrison—you remember him?”
The smallest twitch moved Henry’s lips. “Impossible to please.”
Silas scoffed. “Stone-headed is a better term, and wrong about most of what he teaches. So you can see why we were arguing.”
Eliza couldn’t help teasing, “Are you sure you don’t think that about all your professors?”
“Hush,” said Silas. The gloom in the dorm lifted a little. “Professor Harrison was trying to claim that Loegria’s biggest export was precious metals, even though Patriamere has twice as many mines as we do. It’s actually wool, just so you know—Loegria is full of sheep. Take all the meaning from that you’d like.”
Eliza reached up to jab him in the arm, and he cracked a smile.
“Anyway, it got heated,” he said, “because he was wrong and wouldn’t rescind, and I was right and wouldn’t let the falsehood stand. My anger rose, and my skin started itching. I ignored it; I was too focused on the argument.”
Henry stared in horror. “You transformed in front of Professor Harrison?”
“I didn’t, actually.” Silas’s voice quieted, and he drew in a breath like he was gathering details of a memory he didn’t often revisit. “You only ever saw me at the Reeves estate. I practically lived there during the summers, because Gill was my best friend. We met at Fairfax, months before this event.Henoticed what was happening to me. He knew the signs. So he strong-armed me out of the room just in time, shoved me into a closet, and then locked himself in with a hissing viper.”
When Eliza had first suspected her sister was in love, she’d known it had to be someone special. Even more so when she found out he was a Caster. But apparently Guillaume Reeves—orBaron, as Aria said was his preferred nickname—was even more impressive than Eliza had imagined.
“I’m not surprised,” Henry said softly. “I mean, I am, but ... if anyone could be fearless around shapeshifters, it’s Baron.”
Silas shook his head. “No. He’s more afraid than most, because he knows several Affiliates, and he knows what happens if they get revealed. He wasn’t afraidofme; he was afraidforme. And I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t even hear what he wassaying. Maybe he could have calmed me down if I’d listened. Instead ...” He looked away. “I bit him.”
Eliza flinched, remembering the sharp prick of Silas’s fangs in her own arm.
But she also remembered being a snake. Remembered how the world had doubled in size around her, trying to swallow her, how her body no longer felt like her own and everything seemed wrong and she was trapped in a nightmare. At least she’d had a warning. At least she’d known what was happening. Even so, she’d stillalmost bitten Silas.
She could only imagine how much Silas would have blamed himself after biting his friend, but she would have done the same. Even without being an Affiliate, she knew how it felt to lash out and then regret it. She knew what it was like to be overwhelmed with emotions, trying to sail in a storm.
Silas had sat with her through moments like that. Without judgment. Comforting.
Now he was sitting with Henry in the same way.
You don’t care about suffering!She’d shouted that accusation at him once. Her cheeks heated now to think of it.
“I gave him a scar,” Silas said quietly. “I thought he’d hate me for being an Affiliate—Affiliate, by the way, not shapeshifter; better start adjusting—and if he miraculously didn’t, then he’d hate me for hurting him when he was trying to help. But he never did. He insisted we were still friends. He said there was nothing wrong with me. During our next school break, he introduced me to the other Affiliates in his life.”
Silas nudged his good leg against Henry’s, pausing until Henry looked up to meet his gaze. “I’m going to tell you something. You don’t have to believe it yet if you can’t, but I want you to remember it.”
