Page 101 of Sonnets and Serpents
If Silas had never kissed her, never made her question everything, then she could have been more devoted. Maybe Henry had noticed how she couldn’t keep Silas from her mind no matter how she tried. Maybe he hated her for it.
Whims.
She clenched her teeth, straining against a Cast that held her in place. It was like trying to tear a stone foundation from the ground with her bare hands. She slipped in the dirt.
“Breathe,” said Silas with his infuriating steadiness.
“Choke,” she snarled back.
But she dragged in a long, slow breath, abandoning her struggle against the magic. She remained kneeling on the path.
“It always takes time for me to find the calm again,” he said. “To transform back. It’s always a struggle.”
Slowly, Eliza’s anger deflated, leaving behind an awful emptiness. Her feet prickled beneath her, then went numb. She didn’t move. She floated among wreckage, just jagged pieces of wood she’d been flailing to hold together, trying to pretend they were a ship.
“Are you all right?” Silas finally asked, his voice gentle.
Like he hadn’t witnessed her attacking the boy she claimed to love. He should have been asking what was wrong with her.
Even as she had the thought, his voice echoed from memory.You candosomething wrong, but there can’tbesomething wrong with you.
“I hurt him on purpose,” she whispered. “Why? Why can’t I just ...”
“Control it?” he supplied.
She turned, meeting his unwavering gaze.
“Sometimes, in a rage transformation,” he said, “we bite friends.”
She didn’t deserve the empathy, but it wrapped her anyway, removing the weight from her shoulders like someone taking a burden. Eliza looked away, squeezing her eyes shut against tears.
All she wanted was to beherself. The girl she’d been for seventeen years. The curse had taken that from her, like a piratestealing her from home and dragging her out to the ocean. She could sail or drown, but she couldn’t undo what had happened, not with any amount of wishing.
“How did you adapt?” she asked Silas, voice trembling. “How did you accept being someone new?”
“I’m still me.” He smirked. “Just with fangs.”
She rolled her eyes, denying the little smile that almost broke through. She couldn’t smile after hurting Henry. Not when he was struggling with the same thing she was—something that had altered his life.
One more chance, she prayed silently.Please.
When Henry returned, she leapt to her feet, stumbling as the blood needled back into them. “Henry, I’m so sorry—”
But he interrupted with a strained smile. “We need to find Ceyda, right?”
She didn’t want to force her feelings on him again, even to explain herself, so she swallowed hard, and she managed a nod.
Feeling any better?” Henry asked, clearly anxious to be on their way. He stood with tense shoulders and a clenched jaw while Eliza hung back, her eyes on the ground.
As a fellow Affiliate, Silas’s sympathy should have rested with Henry, but he was too caught up in the echo of Eliza’s breaking voice.
I said I love you! Did you even hear?
The most foolish part of himself wished he knew a Pravish sonnet, wished he could offer something to lift her eyes and restore her smile.
But she didn’t want to hear such things from him anyway.
Gripping the bench, he pushed himself up. His stiff leg ached, but that wasn’t going to fix itself in a day. So he nodded his readiness, and even though Henry offered assistance, he walked on his own.
