Page 101 of The Wicked Lies of Habren Faire
Neirin takes my other hand. “You can do that here.”
“No,” I say quietly. “I can’t. And you can’t, either. I want to know what the world has to offer.Myworld. I’ll come back. And if you stilllike the woman I am at thirty-two just as much as the girl I was at sixteen, you can have me. Forever.”
I can’t read the emotions that flash over his face, but I’m sure it’s the most Neirin has ever felt in a single moment in his entire life. My sister, though, she’s easy to understand. There’s sorrow in her softening eyes, an awareness that it will be years before we lie in bed together again, before she brushes my hair as I tell her stories.
But resolve sits in her tight lips. She knows I will come back when I’m ready, and this time she will be waiting here, in Gwlad Y Tylwyth Teg. Waiting for me.
“You’re going to leave now, aren’t you?” she says.
I nod.
Ceridwen takes a shaky breath. “Where will you go first?”
“You already know,” I tell her, and the small smile on her face tells me she does.
We leave the throne room together, our great-aunt rushing down from the dais to follow. Emrys yells after Delyth, but she doesn’t seem to hear him.
31
hiraeth
(NO DIRECT TRANSLATION: HOMESICKNESS, NOSTALGIA, YEARNING. A LONGING FOR A WALES THAT NEVER WAS AND NEVER CAN BE.)
We land at the edge of the forest, staring down at Llanadwen. Ceridwen, Delyth, Neirin and I linger at the tree line. Below us, the town begins to stir. Chimneys billow their first smoke of a cold winter morning. Curtains twitch, and boots are tugged on by front doors. Children walk in pairs to school.
“Is this it?” Neirin asks.
I nod and wait for the barb to sting.
“It’s lovely,” he says instead.
It is. Birds gather in the trees to chatter, while the women do the same on the street. The scent of baking bread reaches us. Rain sits heavy in the air. There’s the big house on the horizon, looking down like the eyes of God, and the pit is waiting in the valley to eat us whole.
“The laundry is still out,” Delyth says in wonder.
I look to her and Ceridwen. “Will you come with me?”
Ceridwen shakes her head. She’s as certain of her path as I am—mine just has more bends to it—but Delyth takes a tentative step forward into the world she was born to. Her shoulders sag with a forgotten weight, but her eyes shine.
Neirin turns me to him before I can follow her. There’s desperation in his face that shouldn’t be there, brought about by me. How odd.
“You’ll come back, won’t you?” he asks.
“I will.”
“How can I trust you?”
“I promise,” I say.
Neirin tucks my hair behind my rounded ear. “That means nothing from any human, and even less from you, Habren Faire.”
He knows me well. I wouldn’t blame him if he walked away now, but I think it would kill me, so I give him the one piece of honesty I’ve held tight in my chest. I pull him close and rise onto my toes. In his ear, I whisper a name. My name. I pull back and his lips formSabrina.No sound comes out, but even that’s enough to send strokes up my spine.
“You have it now. I’m trusting you to use it well.”
Neirin says nothing, only folds both his hands over mine and draws them to his lips. He presses a kiss to my fingers, holding my gaze as long as we can both bear.
Just over the boundary between worlds, Delyth chokes on a deeply held breath.
