Page 31 of Blue Hawaiian
His resolve weakened even further. It didn’t help that her low-cut tank top revealed a tantalizing hint of her cleavage. Or that he couldn’t stop picturing her naked, in his shower. He’d wanted to strip down, kiss every inch of her delectable body, and take her up against the tiled wall.
Enough. You’re acting like a sex-starved teenager.
“You don’t have to apologize,” he said.
“Sure, I do. I shouldn’t have snapped at you when we were at the beach. But it still hurts, you know?” She uncapped one of the juice bottles and took a swig. “I realize it was partly my fault you cut me off after Big Bear. You were totally blindsided when I told you I loved you.”
He recalled the gut-wrenching dread he’d felt during their last morning together, when she confessed her feelings. It was then he realized what a mistake he’d made, assuming she could keep things casual after sleeping with him for two weeks.
“I should have seen it coming,” he said. “But I didn’t, and I handled it badly. I’m sorry.”
Her voice hardened. “I know I came on too strong. But you dismissed everything we shared with that last text. Do you remember what it said?” She blinked back tears.
He’d never forgotten.It’s over. You need to move on.His callous words had done exactly what he hoped. She hadn’t texted him again. At the time, he knew he was acting like a selfish jerk. If nothing else, he should have called her to talk things over one last time.
A family of picnickers passed them, laden with two coolers and a couple of folding chairs. Jess waited until they left before she spoke up again. “You have no idea how much you hurt me. I was devastated.”
“I’m sorry. I was chickenshit, and I hated myself for it. But you telling me you loved me? That you’d wait for me to come back from Spain? I couldn’t deal with that kind of pressure. Even though we had a great time together, there was no way I could handle a relationship. Not with you or anyone else.”
She nodded, letting him talk.
“Getting away from California—from the whole family—was the break I needed. After I visited a bunch of vineyards in Spain, I spent a week in the mountains and cleared my head. That’s when I realized how badly I’d fucked up. I should have told you how much those two weeks meant to me.”
She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “You should have. Then I wouldn’t have felt like another one of your disposable women.”
The pain sliced into him, sharp as a knife. She’d spent five years feeling that way. Because of him. “I wanted to tell you once I got home.”
“Then why didn’t you?” Her grip tightened on her juice bottle. “You never reached out. And it wasn’t hard to find me. I was at UC Irvine for four years.”
If they were going to rehash the past, he needed to be completely honest. “I thought about visiting you. But I knew if I went to see you, I’d fall back into temptation. You didn’t need that.”
He’d never admitted it. Not to anyone. Instead, he’d acted like their fling hadn’t affected him, like she’d been another of his conquests. But, in truth, those two weeks had been the best part of his summer. He spent hours during his hikes in the Pyrenees thinking of her and remembering the passion they’d shared.
Jess’s eyes widened. “You…still wanted me?”
“I did. But you were away at college, meeting new people. And I couldn’t give you what you wanted. I wasn’t ready to commit to anyone. I figured if I cut you off, you’d be able to move on.”
She stared at him, as though taking it in. “That helps a little. But moving on took me a long time. I’d been in love with you since I was twelve. And even if Ihadgotten over you, I still deserved an apology.”
“I’m really sorry,” he said. “Not just for what I did, but for assuming I knew what was best for you. I don’t blame you for hating me.”
She wiped her eyes again. “The thing is—I don’t want to hate you. Not anymore.” She let out her breath. “I’d like to be friends. But…I just don’t know if I can trust you. Not entirely.”
I wish you would.
But he understood her reluctance. For now, he was grateful she’d let him back into her life.
* * *
After lunch,they hiked along the short, paved trail toward the lower falls. Compared to the waterfalls they’d seen on the drive, this one was on the small side—a five-foot torrent cascading into a swimming hole, amid dense tropical foliage. Still, the water looked cool and inviting. And it was blissfully free of other tourists.
“I can’t believe we’re the only ones here,” Jess said. “Want to take a swim break?”
“Just to warn you—the water might be colder than you’re expecting.”
For that, he got a snort of derision. “When did you turn into such a wuss?”
She peeled off her tank top and shorts, revealing the sexy red bikini he’d ogled at the beach. Only two tiny pieces of fabric covered her luscious curves. This was more temptation than any man should have to withstand.
