Page 90 of Blue Hawaiian
What did you say to the man you’d loved since you were twelve, who’d broken your heart not once, but twice?
“You look serious,” he said. “What’s on your mind?”
She twisted the stem of the margarita glass. If she let him go without speaking her mind, she’d regret the chance she didn’t take. “So…there’s something I need to say.”
“Go on.” He gave her his full attention, which only heightened her anxiety.
“I wish we didn’t have to end things. I know I asked for a fling and nothing else. And then I lied to you and didn’t trust you, but…” She trailed off and gave a shaky laugh. “I’m really selling myself, aren’t I?”
He took her hand. “We’re good. I’m not mad anymore.”
That was a start. But she needed to keep going. “Can I ask you something?” When he nodded, she continued. “If you’d known I was moving back to Riverside, would you have gotten involved with me?”
“Honestly? I don’t know.” His pensive expression gave her pause, until it melted into a sly smile. “Then again, you were awfully hard to resist when you came into my hotel room wearing nothing but a bathrobe.”
“That was kind of sneaky, I admit.”
“Like I said at the bakery, I had a great time with you. But I think we made a mistake when we assumed we could end it after five days without anyone getting hurt.”
In theory, her no-strings plan had seemed like the perfect way to shield her heart. But despite the rules she’d insisted on, she’d fallen back in love with him. As the tears built up inside her, she blinked a few times and wiped the corners of her eyes. She didn’t want Connor to feel guilty. Right from the start, she’d told him she didn’t want any regrets.
He squeezed her hand, as if to bring her back to him. “But Jess? If my life wasn’t so overwhelming…”
“What?” Her voice came out in a breathless rush.
“Then I might want more. But right now, it’s hard for me to imagine getting in deep with anyone.”
“Because of Natasha?” She hated that someone had hurt him enough to shatter his heart.
“Mainly because I need to focus all my attention on the winery. Especially since I’m not sure where we’re going to find the funding. That’s why I’m flying back a day early. Tomorrow afternoon, I’m meeting with one of Victoria’s friends, who might be interested in investing. And I need to tidy up my condo, because a Realtor’s coming over on Monday morning to assess it.”
“You’re selling your condo?”
“I’d rather not. But if I can’t find more investors, I’d be willing to settle for a cheap rental and invest the money in the winery. I’m going all in.”
She felt a swell of pride for him. He’d changed so much in the past five years. Instead of bemoaning his job at Blackwood Cellars, he was attempting to reboot his life. “I hope it works out.”
“Thanks.” He gave her a smile so genuine, so filled with affection, she almost believed she could reel him back in.
But she shouldn’t be trying to reel him back in. At this point in their lives, neither of them had the time nor the energy to commit to a serious relationship. That didn’t mean she had to give up. Instead, she needed to start thinking like Gabi. Planning ahead instead of making easy, impulsive choices.
“I know what you mean about needing to focus,” she said. “Next month, I have to pack up my life in Chicago, move back home, and find a job. It’ll probably be a good three months before I get my shit together. What about you?”
“In three months? With any luck, I’ll be co-owner of a winery. And I’ll have survived the sheer insanity of bringing in the harvest in August and September. But by October I should have a little breathing room. Why?” His mouth quirked up in a smile. “What’s going on in that devious mind of yours?”
“What if we pressed pause?” She’d never approached a relationship with caution, but she found the concept strangely appealing. “What if we arranged to meet up, three months from now? Just to see where we’re at.”
She watched his reaction, her stomach churning. The waiting was agony, especially since he hadn’t cracked a smile.
His brow furrowed. “Are we talking about another fling? Or something more?”
Admitting she wanted more had gotten her into trouble the first time. But she needed to be honest. “Something more. I know we have it in us. But we’d both have to want it.”
To her surprise, he bestowed her with a slow, easy grin. “I like it. That actually sounds responsible.”
“Imagine that. Us—responsible.”
She held her breath as she waited for his decision. When he pulled out his phone, the tension played havoc with her heart. But he was still smiling. “Let’s set a date. How about the second Saturday in October?”
