Page 92 of Blue Hawaiian
She shrugged, hoping Gabi would move on. “Nothing to tell. Sorry.”
For the past three months, she’d gotten used to reining in her feelings. No more tearful phone calls where she subjected Gabi to her inner turmoil. No more late-night wine-and-chocolate binges where she agonized over failed relationships. If Maui had taught her anything, it was that she needed to grow up and tackle her own problems instead of constantly crying out for help.
Rather than wallowing in regret for the mistakes she’d made, she channeled her energy into other pursuits. Building an adult relationship with her mother. Looking for work. Taking a night class in accounting. And writing her novel.
In all, her life was fairly balanced. Except when it came to Connor. The time apart hadn’t diminished her love for him. If anything, her feelings had grown stronger. At night, when she was alone in bed, her thoughts drifted to him often, as she remembered the passion they shared in Maui. She still loved him as much as she had when she was eighteen. Maybe more because she was old enough to know what she really wanted.
Gabi narrowed her eyes. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean? I’m trying to act responsibly. I don’t have to jump in bed with every guy I date.”
“Jess?” Gabi’s voice took on the nagging, “big sister” tone she hated. “Remember what we promised each other after my wedding? No more secrets.”
Jess took another sip of wine to fortify herself. Ever since Maui, she’d tried to be honest with Gabi. But the one thing she hadn’t divulged was her arrangement with Connor. She was afraid her sister would criticize her inability to move on.
“Don’t judge me, but I’m still in love with Connor.”
Gabi stared at her, clearly taken aback. When no advice or lecture was forthcoming, Jess forced herself to keep going.
“So…Connor and I made a deal before we left Maui. We agreed to a three-month break, where we’d try to get our lives in order. If we still wanted to be together after that, we’d meet up at Big Bear and attempt an actual relationship. Since we’d be living in the same state and all.” Jess tensed up as she waited for her sister to tell her how delusional she was.
A noisy group passed by their table, laughing raucously over a shared joke. Once they’d moved on, Gabi spoke up. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
“I thought you might be upset. I know you don’t like Connor. And I didn’t want you to worry about me or tell me I was making a huge mistake.” Jess looked down, ashamed to meet Gabi’s eyes. “Sorry. I should have told you. It’s just, when I think about it, the idea seems ridiculous. Who puts their life on hold for a guy who might not be ready to commit?”
“Someone who’s still in love,” Gabi said, her voice dreamy.
“You don’t think I’m being an idiot?”
Gabi dipped her flatbread in the garlic hummus. “I think you’re being responsible. I know what it’s like to wait for ‘the one.’ When I was at UCLA and Marc was at Davis, we dated other people, but I never got over him. Not completely. Then, when we met up at Stanford, I fell in love with him all over again.”
“I remember. You were so excited.” Her sister had been thrilled to learn Marc was still single. And that he’d never stopped thinking about her. If they could find love a second time, maybe she had a chance with Connor.
“When’s the big reunion supposed to be?” Gabi asked.
Jess gnawed on her lip. “Today?”
“Today? It’s after five. Why aren’t you driving up to Big Bearright now?” Gabi signaled for the waiter. “Can we get the check, please?”
Jess placed her hand on Gabi’s arm. “We don’t have to leave for the airport yet. Your flight doesn’t take off until eight.”
“Then I’ll check in early and treat myself to a book. I don’t want you to miss out.” Gabi set her Prada bag on the table and brought out an American Express Platinum card. “I’ll pay. Marc got me a new card. Isn’t itshiny?”
Though Jess could have done without the bragging, she appreciated the offer. Her job with Zach’s office paid well, but most of her extra income went directly into her savings account.
Once they were back on the road, headed for the airport, Jess picked up their earlier conversation. “You don’t think meeting up with Connor is a terrible idea?”
Gabi let out a long sigh. “Do you honestly think you can trust him?”
“He’s changed a lot. At least, that’s what Brody told me. He said Connor’s been spending every waking hour at his winery. He’s working hard and being responsible.”
With every update, she grew prouder of Connor. Each time Brody passed along a tidbit of information, she wanted to send Connor a message to let him know how thrilled she was with his progress. But she followed the rules they’d set in Maui.
“Actually, Marc told me the other day he was impressed with Connor’s efforts,” Gabi said. “But that doesn’t mean the guy’s mature enough for an actual relationship.”
“I know.” Devotion to a business plan was a whole different animal than complete devotion to another person.
“If it doesn’t work out with Connor, you can call me and cry on my shoulder. But after that?” Gabi’s voice grew sharp. “You need to move on.”
