Page 48 of Tour Wars
“They weren’t that bad. Mostly, they just ignored me. Which kind of sucked since you know how much I love being the center of attention.”
Maybe he could joke about it now, but it must have been hard for him. Not just missing his dad but having to adapt to a completely different family dynamic.
“Half the time, I still don’t feel like I fit in,” TJ said. “My stepbrothers don’t understand why I spent six years in grad school studying archaeology instead of taking something practical like business or computer science. But growing up with them had one advantage. You know how I always brag about being hard-core?”
For that, she gave him an eye roll. “You might have mentioned it once or twice.”
“That’s because of my stepbrothers. Randy and Jake belonged to an extreme wilderness group. They used to do these five-day expeditions into the woods with minimal gear just so they could boast about it. Al suggested I go with them, which scared the hell out of me.”
“You? The guy who thrives on harsh conditions? You once bragged about battling scorpions in the desert heat.” At the time, they’d been going toe-to-toe over who’d dug in the most rugged conditions, with her pitting her experiences in the Yucatán jungle against his in the Jordanian desert.
“That’s me now. Not sixteen-year-old me. Before I went on the trip, I researched the shit out of it. No lie, I thought I was going to die out there, but when I was done, I was so proud of myself. Al was shocked as hell.”
“Is this how the hard-core version of TJ was born?”
“Something like that. For years, I’ve felt like I had a lot to prove. Not just intellectually, but in the field, too.” He traced his fingers along the edge of the piano bench. “But there are times when I’ve been a total asshole about it.”
Lots of archaeologists were like that, but his behavior seemed less obnoxious now that she’d learned the story behind it. “Maybe you go a little too hard sometimes, but…” She couldn’t believe she was saying this. “I’m the same way.”
“It’s just you and your dad, right?” TJ asked. “I remember you mentioning it at Troy.”
She nodded. “My mom died in a car accident when I was twelve. As you can imagine, it was pretty rough. Combine puberty with devastating grief, and you get one messed-up kid. I’m from a big Mexican American family, so I never felt alone or unloved, but it still sucked. The thing is—my dad’s always been really encouraging, and he totally supported my decision to go to grad school, but…”
TJ placed his hand over hers. “But you’re afraid to let him down?”
She looked away, too self-conscious to meet his eyes. “Exactly. He has such high hopes for me. My mom was a teacher, so he was thrilled when I told him I wanted to get my PhD and become a professor. No matter how many times I’ve explained that a teaching job isn’t a sure thing, he believes I can make it happen out of sheer will.”
“Do you want to be a professor?”
Did she? While she’d enjoyed being a TA in grad school, she hadn’t embraced it the way her friends Stuart and Olivia had. Her personality wasn’t anything like her mom’s, either. As a teacher, her mom had been sunny and outgoing—the kind who greeted her third-grade classroom with exuberance each morning. Even if this tour had forced Emilia to be more sociable, she still wasn’t much of a “people person.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Last year was brutal. Applying for all those jobs in academia, going through the interviews, and getting my hopes up, only to be told, ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ The worst part is having to start all over again in a couple of months.”
“You can do it. You’re one of the smartest, most competitive people I know.”
While she appreciated the compliment, the reality still sucked. “Thanks, but I get so tired of hustling. I’ve been busting my ass since high school. Sometimes I want a job where I could just wake up, go to work, and not worry about being the best in my field.”
“I get it. If I think too hard about it, I can’t sleep. Looking for jobs last winter was the worst.”
“Another thing?” She swallowed, suddenly worried she was saying too much. “I know this is going to sound weak, but…I don’t want to compete with you anymore.”
“No?” He tightened his grip on her hand.
“Not if we end up hating each other again.”
“It’s not weak. I feel the same way.”
She forced herself to meet his eyes. And then she was lost because the vulnerability she saw matched her own. She wanted to kiss him. Not an impetuous, drunken kiss like in Philly, but a totally sober, passionate kiss that showed him exactly how she felt.
Even if the tour only had three days left, she was done waiting. Taking a deep breath, she flashed him a sultry smile. “Want to come up to my room?”
CHAPTERTWENTY
TJ stared at Emilia, too stunned to move.
Had she just propositioned him? Or had he been transported into one of his Emilia-centric dreams?
Either way, he wasn’t going to waste this opportunity. After last night’s swim, he’d spent hours thinking about her. Today, while leading the group around the ancient site of Paestum, he’d completely lost his train of thought. Even at this afternoon’s cheese tasting, he’d barely been able to focus on the delicious samples of mozzarella.
