Page 42 of Spellbound & Speechless
“I see.”
I mayseewhat she means, but I can’t understand it. We grieve in different ways. My father passed when I was a child, and my earliest memories were of anger. I needed to know who took his life. That was how my mother grieved, too.
The witch sisters seem to grieve with avoidance. I’m not sure which is better.
“I’m sorry for waking you up,” she whispers weakly.
It’s still dark outside, and the moon is high in the sky, but I don’t care about her waking me up. I care about being here for her. Caring and comforting are not things I know how to do, but in the dim light of the moon, my inhibitions are gone.
I wrap my arms around her, half expecting her to pull away. Instead, she pushes closer. Her face burrows into my shirt. Her heart goes from racing to crawling.
She’s relaxing, or her body signals that it is, and it’s exactly what I want—what Ineed. For once, I’m doingsomething right. Something to help my mate. I can’t give her much else, but I can be a moment of peace for her. I can chase away the fucking demons.
“You’re all right,” I say. “You’re here now. Not there. You’re with me.”
I can’t tell if the sound she makes against my chest is a laugh or a sob.
Her shoulders shake, and, to my surprise, when she pulls away to look at me… she’s smiling. “I can’t believe you’re the one to soothe me on this terrible night.”
I manage a half smile. “Neither can I. I hope I’m doing an okay job.”
“You’re doing the best job.” Her eyes soften in a way I’ve never seen.
I let out a shuddering breath.
Her pulse picks up again. Each beat feels like it belongs to me. This time, I don’t think her heart is racing from fear. Aspen’s manicured nails scrape against my jawline, her lips parting as she leans in.
I know what I’m supposed to do—what she wants from me. This is my mate, soft and warm under my touch, and she wants me to kiss her… but I can’t. Not here, not now, not like this. It may be what she wants, but it isn’t what sheneeds. There must be another way to comfort her.
“Aspen. I’m sorry. We can’t.”
It only takes a few words to break her from the spell.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Her words don’t quite fit the perplexed look on her face.
She doesn’t know. There’s no way she feels our bond like I do—at least, that’s my hope. I can run away if I’m the only one who knows about it. How can I keep running if she wants me here? That bond, the thing that makes mewanther, is why I can’t give in. Not even on a night like this.
It’s not like she wants to kiss me. She wants comfort, and I can give her that, even if I can’t give what she’s asking for.
“Do you want me to hold you?” I peer into her eyes.
It’s not enough, and it’s not what she’s asking for, but it’s all I can give. Even doing this much is dangerous. I know being this close to her can turn my life around.
She swallows, and slowly, she nods. “Yes. Please.”
For one night, for her, I can hold my mate in my arms.
We settle into her perfumed bed. It smells exactly like her. Beautiful, enticing, drawing magic wraps around me. I wish things were different. Wish I were different.
I hold her from behind, and she’s all that exists. A soft, pink glow forms around us. I rest my hand over her waist, my fingers brushing against her smooth bedsheets. It feels like the safest way to hold her, but there’s nothing safe about it. My heart goes wild.
Aspen isn’t worried about us being safe, is she? It’s as if she wants to wind me up. She scoots until her ass presses against me, silk shorts against my sweatpants, and I breathe slowly. This is for her comfort, not my pleasure. It’s not even for her pleasure—no matter how much I would love for it to be.
There will always be a part of me that wants her dangling on the edge of pleasure, and to watch her there, squirming as she gazes into my eyes. Fuck. I can’t have it. I won’t.
“Let’s get some sleep,” I say, practically begging.
Her blonde hair tickles my nose, smelling of citrus and something warm, like honey, rich and sweet. My throat closes up.
