Page 47 of Spellbound & Speechless
I slide a shot glass across the bar and slam back the other one. “Right. I don’t even know where I’m going. Like, I want to get back into it, but how?”
He smiles a rare smile, a small one, mostly in his eyes. The second shot goes untouched. “I wish I could help you, but I don’t know anything about it.”
“It would be easier to find another job with a designer.” My shoulders slump. “But I don’t want to be controlled again. My last job was stifling.”
“I can only imagine.” He squints at my closed notebook. “You seem like the creative type. You should do your own thing.”
“Maybe…” It’s a daunting thought. “Ihavebeen thinking about making my own designs—opening aboutique or selling them online—but I don’t know where to start. Like, that would be a completely different path.”
Considering how my last job ended, I’ll never get another gig in the fashion industry. I’m not sure how to feel about that. It’s not as if I want to leave town again—not yet. Maybe never. I’m falling in love with Starbrook and connecting with my sisters for the first time in years.
I may be lost, but in many ways, I’m happier than I was. I can only admit it in the confines of my little mind.
“I think the sketch is a good place to start.” He picks up the shot glass between two fingers and drinks. “It’s bigger than anything I’m doing for my art.”
“Your time will come.” I smile. “Iwouldlike to see your work sometime, now that you’ve been sneaking glances at mine.”
“I haven’t been sneaking?—”
“You have.”
“All right. Let’s make a deal.” He leans in like we have a secret. “If you finish that sketch and show it to me, I’ll show you some of my old work.”
“Deal.”
Gods. He’s being so nice to me now. Maybe it’s from seeing me at my lowest, but that only makes me feel more pathetic.
I turn away and dry off a glass. “I’m sorry about last night,” I say, just loud enough for him to hear. “For almost… you know.”
Almost kissing him. It has to be near the top of the list of the most embarrassing things I’ve done. I look up at the ceiling.
“Don’t apologize.” He clears his throat. “You were looking for comfort. That’s all. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to help.”
Help. That’s all the night before was to him, and it’s all he’ll let it be. Something behind his firm look says that, and I don’t dare disagree, even if it was more for me. Under the twinkling of the stars and the quiet of the night, I was attracted to him—I still am.
“I’m not sure why I went toyoufor comfort in the first place.” I offer a teasing smile, hoping to lighten the mood.
He rolls his eyes. “I have no fucking clue, honestly.”
“I won’t make that mistake again.” Even though we’re laughing, a raincloud hovers over my head.
There’s a reason I wanted Mac to comfort me, and it’s more than him being the only one around. My heart is searching for him. It won’t stop, no matter how many times he pushes me away.
Juniper stands behind the bar,hard at work even though we should all be going home. The last time I saw her working this hard was back in high school. She was always the overachiever, in ways no one but Rowan could replicate.
“It’s nice to see you doing something you’re passionate about.” I smile slyly. “It almost makes me jealous.”
She shoots me a flat look. “There’s nothing to be jealous of. You don’t know how much I was suffering before.”
Of course, I don’t. There were hints in the group chat that could have told me what she was going through. Back then, I couldn’t see how much my perfect older sister was struggling.
“Tell me about it.” I sit at the bar. “I want to understand.”
There’s nothing I can do to fix the past, but I can make up for it now, I hope. Juniper seems open to forgiving me.
“Well… I lost my job. You know that.”
I nod.
