Page 26 of Highland Jewel
She took a deep breath before replying. “Expectations. I am what they expect.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that they see me in a way that suits them. To my family, I am a docile, mindless young woman who is meandering through life until the right man comes along and takes her off their hands.”
“I’m looking forward to meetingher.”
Niall realized that was the wrong thing to say as her hand fisted on the table.
“I was only joking.”
“I don’t find it amusing.”
“Then why allow it? Your family should know you better than anyone. Why should you pretend to be someone you’re not?”
Maisie paused a moment, and he could see it was difficult for her to talk about this.
“So that I don’t need to compete,” she said finally. “Along time ago, I grew tired of the constant comparisons. With my sister. And then with Morrigan. By allowing them to see me this way, I don’t have to live with the daily disappointment of knowing that whatever I do, it won’t be good enough. Important enough.”
Niall still didn’t understand. He grew up with only one older sister. There was no element of competition between them. What Maisie was describing was completely foreign to his existence. His confusion must have been obvious.
“My sister, Isabella, is fourteen years my senior. My mother was the second wife. By all accounts, she was a young, pretty woman from Wurzburg who had no family. I don’t know how they met, but she died in childbirth. A nurse was brought in and later, as I grew older, a governess. They raised me.”
“It’s obvious that they did a fine job with you.”
“Thank you. But whatever my accomplishments were in those years, they weren’t enough. My father’s attention was completely fixed on his older daughter, his favorite. With good reason, of course. Isabella is brilliant. They had a shared interest in medicine. She was on her way to becoming a pioneer in a profession where women aren’t allowed.” She picked up her teaspoon and stared at it. “Early on, I realized that no command of languages, no ability to recite a passage of prose or poetry, no proficiency in music or art, no clear expression of my own thoughts had a chance of impressing anyone in that household. So I stopped trying. I no longer attempted to share my accomplishments. I kept my opinions and interests to myself. And when we moved to Edinburgh, after my father’s death and my sister’s marriage, I continued on in the same way.”
Niall considered her words. Fiona had explained to him that Maisie lived a life that was fairly detachedfrom her sister’s husband and his daughter. But this existence that she described lacked affection.
“But your sister, Isabella,” he began. “After meeting her, I would have thought she cares for you, deeply.”
“She does care for me. She loves me. She always has. And I love her in return. But she was also a product of our father’s single-mindedness. Isabella’s life was arranged to study, to learn, to practice. She never had much of a childhood. By the time I was old enough to understand, I could see that she had no room in her life for any of the youthful fancies that other young women enjoyed.” She placed the spoon next to the plate and looked up. “She was twenty-eight years of age when she married Archibald. He was a widower, fifty-four years old. She did that in part for me, to secure some kind of future for me. I have no complaints whatsoever when it comes to my sister. I don’t blame her for anything. Her life has always been hectic. Her days have never been her own. I love her, and I know she loves me. So I try not to make her life more difficult. I don’t want her to worry.”
“Don’t you think what you’re doing now could add considerable worry to her life?”
“It would if she knew. That’s why she mustn’t know. But at the same time, I owe it to myself to live my life the way that best suits me. Perhaps it’s the rebel in me.” She placed her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her clasped hands. “Which brings me to this moment and to you, Lieutenant Campbell.”
He waited as Maisie studied his face in silence. He didn’t know if she was trying to brand his features into her memory, or if she was trying to decide whether she liked what she saw or not.
She reached across the table and took his hand, entwining her fingers with his. “I was directed by my brother-in-law not to see you again. Not to speak to you. Not toencourage any correspondence between us. What do you say to that?”
He brought her fingers to his lips. “I’d say, Maisie Murray, that I’m very much taken with the rebel in you.”
CHAPTER9
Duns Castle
The Borders, Scotland
February 1820
Caroline Amelia of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel, former Princess of Wales, now queen of Great Britain and Ireland, peered through the frost-encrusted window. Across a snow-covered garden, one of the towers was crumbling and falling in on itself. So much like her own life.
Twenty-five years ago, she’d known her marriage to the Prince of Wales would prove to be a mistake. She’d been right. Prinny’s animosity toward her knew no end. She’d been mistreated, lied about, and exiled. Most tragic of all, Caroline had never been allowed to stay in any one place long enough to reunite with her son.
News of Cinaed reached her, though. She knew when Anne Mackintosh died. She knew when he was sent to Nova Scotia by the clan chief for his own safety. She’d also received reports of her son’s accomplishments as he grew into manhood. The last she’d heard, he was now captain of his own ship, theHighland Crown,sailing between Halifax and Scotland, smuggling weapons to the Highlands, carrying displaced families and wantedrebels to safety, and generally making himself a thorn in the side of the occupying British military. He’d even stolen a revenue ship and run it up onto the Highland shoals. Her boy was making her proud.
Caroline guessed that her husband and his ministers knew about Cinaed, but Prinny had never dared to make the information public. The Prince Regent’s acknowledgment would have been enough to set Scotland’s revolutionary fires ablaze once again. The Highlanders were already calling Cinaed the “son of Scotland.”
