Page 35 of When I'm Gone
She leaned toward him, whispering, her voice clogged with tears. “I don’t believe that. She’s watching over us; I know she is.” His arm was warm where she pressed against him, her biceps softer than he’d expected. He opened his mouth to tell her belief doesn’t change fact, but the front door slammed, making May squeal and Luke jump.
“Pizza!” May yelled, and a flurry of activity broke out across the room around the table; markers, glitter, and stickers were tossed into boxes and dropped on the floor to be picked up later. Brian stomped into the kitchen and tossed the stack of pizza boxes on the table.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m starving,” Luke said, turning away from Annie to grab a spatula to serve the pizza. He could feel her watching him. He’d hurt her feelings; she wanted him to care that she might be leaving, might be breaking her promise to Natalie. He did care, but he couldn’t show it.
Instead, he busied himself by counting out seven paper plates from the dwindling stack on the counter and placing them on the table. Remnants of glitter were stuck to the wooden surface, and he didn’t bother to wipe them off. May would think they were festive.
As the room filled with the warm scent of garlic and melted cheese, each person settled into his or her own spot at the table. Annie was the last person to join them, dragging out the chair closest to Brian. Clayton climbed on her lap, reminding Luke of a needy little dog. Annie casually wrapped one of her arms around his midsection. Clayton put his head on her shoulder and gently patted Brian’s arm. Luke had to look away.
May smiled through the rest of the party, and Luke tried to find comfort in that. He’d told her she was allowed to be happy; he had to pretend to be happy too, but he was far from happy.
Part of the heaviness holding him down came from all the reminders of Natalie. Yet that ache wasn’t as profound as he’d feared it would be, almost as though he was adjusting to the pain, like when your eyes adapt in a darkened room. Underneath this understandable sadness was a simmering anger.
It had been five months—five. He was finally starting to get the hang of life, or at least parts of it, and Annie was a big reason behind the transition. Natalie knew Annie was integral to their survival. That’s why she’d acquired promises, sent Luke letters, made plans. How dare Brian go and mess that up? Luke was also mad at himself. Why did he tell her it was okay to go?
And then of course there was that last worry, the one he’d been telling himself was nothing, the one that had to do with the mark on Annie’s face that he couldn’t stop looking at. Was Annie’s reluctance connected with the reason for her injury?
Out of the corner of his eye, Luke watched Annie as she shoveled a giant bite of cake into Clay’s mouth, frosting smudging on his chin. She erased it with the quick swipe of a napkin. He chewed slowly, his cheeks puffed out like a squirrel gathering nuts. Once his face was clean, Annie gave him a little peck on the top of the head, and he snuggled on her shoulder, swallowing loudly. Brian’s arm draped around the back of Annie’s chair, absently stroking her arm as he read through his phone.
Annie caught his eye and gave him a morose smile, and Luke knew—she was going to leave. Even if he asked her to stay, it wouldn’t make a difference because no matter how much Annie loved Natalie and the kids, she’d never go against Brian. Never.
CHAPTER 13
Luke carefully slipped the pile of mail into his over-the-shoulder workbag, the Velcro scratching as he ripped the front flap open. On top of the pile of outgoing mail, he placed Natalie’s most recent letter. They’d become more sporadic, but he still pored over every one, searching for clues for his ongoing investigation into the Maranatha House, Andy Garner, and the elusive Dr. Neal.
The past two weeks had been strained between Luke and Annie. Annie kept a wall up whenever he brought Clayton over in the mornings, had turned down an invitation to join the Richardsons for dinner after May’s spring concert, and avoided coming inside when she dropped off Will after taking him on a shopping trip to the mall.
Luke knew what Annie wanted. She wanted Luke to tell her to stay. She wanted him to refuse to give the recommendation Brian had requested at May’s party. She wanted him to acknowledge the necessity of her presence in their lives. But how could he do those things? Brian was her husband, this was her life, and if she didn’t want to move, she’d have to stand up and say so. But she wouldn’t. So the stony silence continued.
When he dropped Clayton off at her house Monday morning, they ran through the same script they’d been stuck in since the party.
Annie opened the door. “Hi, Clayton!” She went automatically to her knees. Luke gently guided him across the threshold and tossed the heavy black duffel on the floor beside him. Clayton wrapped his arms around her neck as she picked him up.
“I missed you, Annie.” He’d dropped the “Miss” in front of her name months ago, and Luke decided not to care.
She pressed her nose against Clayton’s. “I missed you more,” she whispered and gave him an Eskimo kiss, pretending to drop him a few inches before setting him on the floor. When she looked up, Luke’s gaze flew to his shoes.
“Well, thanks.” He flipped his keys around on his pointer finger. “You two have a fun day.”
“We will,” she said in the same overly chipper voice as always, flicking the door closed with her fingertips. Luke stomped to the car, looking back to see if they were watching from the front window. It was empty, like it had been for the past two weeks. He shook his head once and headed down the tulip-lined brick path to his car.
So far no one had called him for a reference, and he couldn’t help but be relieved. He had all his selfish reasons to keep Annie here, but there were an increasing number of more pressing ones that he was having a hard time ignoring and they all had to do with Brian. How had he missed the warning signs for so long? Brian had always been controlling and condescending with Annie, but in the past few weeks Luke couldn’t help but notice a fading bruise on Annie’s hip when her shirt flipped up as she leaned over to get Clay’s shoes and another on her upper arm just a day ago when she wore short sleeves for the first time in a week. He’d been telling himself that they could be from a stray weight at the gym or a fall while running.
Had there been signs all this time and he’d never seen them? Did Natalie know? Probably not. Whenever they had a double date with the Gurrellas, Luke always knew the first words out of Natalie’s mouth at the end of the night: “Brian’s such an ass.” Luke agreed—Brian was an ass. But was he a physically abusive ass?
Luke flopped his head back against the headrest. Maybe he was being paranoid. Brian was their family friend and a police officer. If anyone should know better, it would be Brian.
But what if I’m wrong?How many people had been wrong about his father? How many could’ve done something sooner and saved his mom? Luke didn’t hesitate. He made a sharp U-turn at the next green light. Clayton couldn’t spend another moment in that house until he knew for certain.
Luke pulled into Annie’s driveway minutes later. Mid-May the grass was finally turning green, and Brian’s lawn was neat and orderly as always. A row of yellow and red tulips traced the curved brick path, glowing against the freshly turned black soil. It always amazed him how something that is broken on the inside can look so perfect on the outside. Nearly running now, Luke leaped up onto the front porch and pounded on the door with the side of his fist. Annie opened it, eyes wide, Clayton hiding behind her legs.
“Oh, Luke, it’s just you!” She tossed the dish towel she was holding over her right shoulder, hand covering her heart, giving him a clear look at the bruises on her upper arm. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”
“Hey, guys. Sorry to come back so soon. I ... uh ...” He should’ve thought this through a little more clearly before rushing back. What was he supposed to say now? “Can we talk for a second?”
Annie stepped back. “Come on in.”
“It’s okay; I don’t want to stay long. I realized Clayton has a doctor’s appointment today.” He leaned against the doorjamb, trying to act casually so he didn’t frighten her off like an injured animal. Annie’s nose wrinkled, folding several freckles in half.
