Page 61 of When I'm Gone
“Let me go, okay? I have no right to be upset. We’ve been on two and a half dates, held hands a few times, and had one semiawkward good-night hug. I’m about twenty thousand miles away from being your girlfriend. I have no right to judge you.” She adjusted the leather purse strap on her shoulder. She was using her best counselor voice. Her calm justifications made him feel worse.
“She really is just a friend, I promise.”
“Uh-huh.” She turned around and looked up at Luke, her green eyes flashing. “But when she called, you answered. I was worried about you, Luke. You didn’t respond to a single one of my texts last night or this morning. Did you eventhinkabout calling me?”
Luke opened his mouth but couldn’t put a sentence together that made sense. He had checked his phone and seen Felicity’s texts before he drove Annie home, but he hadn’t even picked his phone up since he walked in his own door. Felicity was right. Since Annie’s first desperate text, every thought in his brain was for her.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She lifted the thick trail of hair cascading down from her ponytail off her neck like she was searching for a breeze. She dropped it and readjusted her purse again. “I really don’t think you’re ready for something outside of Natalie’s shadow. For now, that’s Annie.”
“I do like you, Felicity. I admire how much you care about the kids you work with, and you make me laugh when we are together.” He blushed, feeling like the words were tripping out of his mouth into a mound of embarrassing mush.
“But ...,” she added before he had the chance to say the word himself, “you aren’t ready.”
As hard as it was to do, he shook his head. “No, I’m not.”
“Yeah, I know.” She reached out and gave his hand one quick squeeze. “Give me a call when you are; maybe we can try this again.”
“I will.” He squeezed back and let go. He watched her walk away without any urge to stop her.
Luke waited until Felicity drove away to return to the house. The sun warmed his shoulders through the robe, the thin shirt underneath clinging to his chest and torso. Annie’s matching shirt was two sizes smaller and still hung off her as if she was a little girl wearing her father’s clothes.
Annie. It was embarrassing how easily his thoughts turned to her. It was like his world was swirling around one spot lately, and he wasn’t sure if it was the gentle tug of gravity or the dangerous currents of a whirlpool. The only thing he was sure of was who was at the center of that spiral.
When he crossed the threshold of the front door, the coolness of the AC and lingering scent of bacon made him smile. His house felt like home with Annie inside it. He couldn’t decide if she was part of Natalie’s “shadow,” as Felicity suggested, or if he was feeling something new and real. Today wasn’t the right time to delve into those questions. Today it was time to help her start a life free from abuse, and he was relieved she finally was going to let him.
“You ready for breakfast?” Annie called from the kitchen. When he entered the kitchen, Annie approached him with two plates in her hands, both completely full of bacon, toast, and scrambled eggs. She placed them on the counter in front of the stools on the opposite side.
“I didn’t know I had bacon,” Luke said, slipping into one of the seats. Annie slid a full glass of orange juice in front of him. “Or juice. Did you go shopping?”
“Yeah, wearing this superstylish outfit.” She gestured to the baggy loungewear. “No. You had all this stuff in your fridge. All the dates check out. The juice is concentrate from the freezer. Remember, I cleaned out your fridge a few weeks ago; I know where stuff is.”
Luke stabbed a few egg chunks and shoveled them into his mouth. When he swallowed the first bite, his stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten for almost sixteen hours, and the taste of food woke up his taste buds and made him more hungry rather than less. By the time Annie climbed on the stool beside him, Luke’s plate was half-empty.
“So, you clear things up with Ms. Mason?”
“I think Felicity believed me when I told her you and I aren’t having a torrid love affair.” Luke tried to make it a joke. “But we decided to take a break from the dating thing.”
Annie’s eyebrows shot up, the one with a scratch through it wrinkling unevenly. “What? Why?”
Luke put down his fork. “She thinks it’s too soon, that I’m not ready.” He stared at his plate full of food and remembered the last time Annie had been in his house for a midday breakfast was the day after Natalie’s funeral. “Maybe she’s right.”
“Hmm.” Annie’s mouth was full of toast, but it seemed like a convenient excuse to keep mum about what she was really thinking.
Luke took another bite of eggs, and a silence settled between them. They had so many things they needed to talk about, but he didn’t know how to start.
He wanted to ask, “What now?” Did they go over to Annie’s house and pack up all her belongings? Should he take her to a women’s shelter, or should she stay in a hotel or spend another night on his couch? How could he face Brian now, knowing ... everything?
Annie’s cell phone rang, cutting through the silence and through Luke’s thoughts. The vibrations were muffled by one of the couch cushions. Annie jumped off her stool, the fork clattering on the counter, spraying egg residue on the granite surface. Once her phone was in her hand, she stared at it.
“Is it him?”
She nodded. Of course it was Brian. Who else would make her turn white as the phone in her hand? Annie mashed the power button on the top of her phone, silencing it, and dropped it on the couch. She covered her face with shaking hands, her shoulders heaving up and down.
Luke shoved away from the counter. His bare feet were silent on the tile floor, and Annie jumped a little when he put his arm around her. At his touch she turned in to him, pressing her face against his shoulder and encircling his midsection with her arms. Working on their own volition, Luke’s arms enfolded her protectively, pulling her in tightly against him.
It was a strange feeling holding someone this close to him again. Physical closeness with anyone but Natalie had always made Luke uncomfortable, nervous, but with Annie in his arms, it felt right. Her tears gathered in the fabric of his shirt, soaking in like rain into spring soil. With a light touch he ran a hand over her back, wanting to comfort her, wishing he could take away her pain.
“I can answer next time.” He kissed the top of her head. “You never have to talk to him again.”
