Page 177 of Desperate Pucker
Hot tears fall down my cheeks. The muscles in my neck and shoulders are tight with a lifetime of holding this all in.
“That’s why you gave me this job, wasn’t it? You felt like you owed it to me because you weren’t a good dad to me. So yeah, part of me feels like you would keep the man I love on your hockey team as an unspoken favor to me, the daughter you never really wanted.”
His gray-blue eyes go glassy with tears. His mouth wobbles before he lets out a heavy breath.
“Oh, Madeline.” His voice is shaky. He blinks quickly, like he’s trying to hold in his tears.
He closes his eyes for a long second. When he opens them and looks at me, his gaze is pained. “I need you to understand something. My biggest regret in life is what a terrible father I’ve been to you.”
I’m quiet as I take in the shock of his words. I never, ever thought he’d admit that.
“I’m not a good person, Madeline. I know I’m not. And I know you already know that. It’s clear from how I’ve treated you. And your mother.”
He swallows hard. “If I could go back and do everything over, I would. I know that doesn’t mean anything to you right now, but it’s the truth. I would have ended things with Preston and Claire’s mom before I went off and tried to pursue a relationship with another person. But I was a selfish and cowardly man for a long time. I only thought about myself and my feelings.” He goes quiet for a long moment. “I don’t say that to make an excuse or to make you feel sorry for me. I don’t deserve anyone’s sympathy, least of all yours. I say that because I want you to understand that none of this is your fault. All of it is mine. I’m the problem. I always have been.”
I’m silent as I take in his words.
“You’re right. I didn’t spend as much time with you as I should have. I didn’t treat you the same as Preston and Claire. And I deserve to suffer for the rest of my life for that. But you’rewrong about one thing, honey. I love you with all my heart. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I’ve loved you.”
My throat aches as another wave of emotion pummels me.
“I didn’t know how to have you in my life without hurting Preston and Claire. So I focused on them. And I’ll never forgive myself for that. Ever. Because it cost me my relationship with you. I’ll regret that forever.”
He swallows hard, wiping the tears on his face with the sleeve of his dress shirt.
“I believe you,” I say quietly.
His eyes widen. “You do?”
I nod. Even though I’m still hurt and angry at him, I can tell he’s not lying. This is the most emotion he’s ever shown me, and I can tell it’s honest. It’s real. It doesn’t make our strained relationship magically better, but at least I know that he loves me. At least I know that he’s sorry for what he did.
He steps forward and pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight. Slowly, I wrap my arms around him.
This is the longest we’ve ever hugged. It’s a little weird, but it also feels good. I can tell just how much he’s wanted to hold me like this. It’s obvious in the tightness of his embrace, how he doesn’t let me go.
When he finally does let go, he steps back and looks me in the eye. “I didn’t make that awful comment about Ryker and you. I swear I didn’t.”
I go quiet for a long moment.
“I believe you.”
His shoulders fall when he exhales, like he’s relieved. “I don’t even think that about Ryker. I like him a lot.”
“You do?”
He nods. “He’s an excellent hockey player. But most importantly, he seems like a stand-up guy. The way he stood up for you at Casino Night impressed me a lot.”
A warm feeling swoops through me thinking about that.
“Any man who would defend you like that has my respect.” He’s quiet for a long moment. “After Casino Night, I told Preston and Claire that they need to change how they treat you. No more snide comments. No more leaving you out of conversations and important events.”
“You did?”
“Yes. I should have drawn that line with them years ago. I’m ashamed that it took me this long to do it. But when Ryker told me off, it finally knocked some sense into me.”
He’s right. He should be ashamed. I wish he had done this years ago. But it gives me a small burst of hope that he’s trying to make things better now.
He clears his throat. “You’re in love with Ryker?”
