Page 14 of Dante
You came to me in the beginning. You came to check on me, and I said some hateful and disgusting things to youand I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve my anger. I was hurt and took everything out on you because you had been there too.
I recognized you in that jungle. Despite everything we were being forced to do, I knew you were my mate. And that you couldn’t do anything to stop what was happening. But there was some small selfish part of me that wanted you to swoop in and rescue me. I’ve talked to Dr. Braun, and others that were there rescuing us. There was nothing you could have done. I know that now, and I am so very sorry I ever said those things to you.
I cannot take them back. They are out there and will forever be between us. Those hateful, hurtful words will always have been said, and there is nothing I wouldn’t give to have never voiced them. They were unfair to you. They were coming from a place of pain and darkness, and that wasn’t your fault.
I was so grateful to be out of that jungle but then came the nightmares. Every noise at night, when I was trying to sleep, was them coming for me again. And that’s when I saw you. That’s when I attacked you. Why? Because I was in a cage and you weren’t.
I didn’t know about the perimeter fence. I didn’t know you had no magical powers, not then or that you ever would, but I wanted my mate to rescue me. I didn’t knowyou had been seriously wounded saving others when the rescue was happening until weeks later. Not that any of that excuses what I said to you. There is none.
I had to stop and take several deep breaths. This poor, sweet omega. He was so amazingly wonderful and deserved so much more than what I could offer. I understood nightmares. I could relate to having them because I still had them.
All the times I had to watch others being abused, I relived in my nightmares. Not being able to find my way back out of that compound, I relived in my nightmares. Having to hear the screams and cries from others as they were assaulted, as they were tortured, and then as those noises died down as the life ran out of them. It was there in my memories, in my dreams when I tried to sleep at night. That was why I knew that Banner deserved so much better than me. I shook my head and went back to the letter.
I’ve done the time. I’ve been in therapy since I could leave the medical wing. I’ve seen Dr. King for checkups and Dr. Braun I don’t know how many times. Physically I’m completely healed and fine. Mentally? I do still have trouble with trying to not relive those nights in that jungle when I’m home alone. I’m better every day.
I have an appointment with Dr. Braun on Friday. I’m going to discuss options for moving. I know I’ll need support of some form and I’m curious about if there are other psychologists that can help elsewhere. I’m a nobodywhen it comes to the council. I work in the bakery, and they don’t really need me. Lewis and Beau do all of the work with magic. I’m just there to take orders.
But you, you’re different.
I growled again and crumpled the papers in my hand as I made a fist. How dare he think he was a nobody. He was amazing, and even I knew that. That was why he deserved so much better than me. I sat there fuming for a moment before I laid the papers on my thigh and smoothed them out.
You’re amazing. You are doing wonderful things. You help others. You have an actual pack and a purpose with the council. My best friend is now mated. He’s going to have a baby even. He’s busy with his own life, and I don’t blame him.
That’s why I’m going to move away. I am the one that isn’t important here. But you are. I understand that me trying to talk to you isn’t what you want, and I’ll stop. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.
I know you’re on assignment, and I hope you’re safe and you do all of the good things that you are destined for. If I’m still here when you return, I promise I won’t seek you out. This is probably so much better anyway. I’dprobably forget all that I wanted to say to you if I was trying to do this in person. Or I’d be too embarrassed.
Anyway, know that I wish you nothing but happiness. I hope you can find it because you deserve to have it. Maybe if we are apart, my need to see you, to be near you will get weaker over time and eventually I won’t think about you.
I know I’m just kidding myself in thinking that I’ll somehow forget you. I won’t. Even when the fates decide that they made a mistake when they paired us together and you are matched with someone who you can accept. Someone who isn’t damaged like I am.
Look, I get it. I understand. Not everyone can accept a mate that has been through what I have. My only hope is that someday, you and I both can find what we need in life. That we’ll be given the chance to move beyond my past. Our shared past.
I truly do wish you nothing but the best. I was going to search for you to apologize, but you were on assignment and your packmate said he’d give you a letter for me. I know it’s not as impactful as saying the words in person, but I got the message. You don’t want to see me, and I am going to make sure you don’t have to anymore.
Good luck, Dante. You and all of the enforcers are doing something I couldn’t. I’m not nearly strong enough to do what you do, and I don’t mean physically, but that as well. I hope you are gifted what you deserve, because you deserve so much more.
Banner
I stared at the crumpled pages with a myriad of emotions going through me. Did he truly think so little of himself that I didn’t want him? I thought about that for a moment. Of course he did. What else would he think? I barely talked to him, and I left on assignments without a word to him.
I thought back to what Augustus said. If I didn’t want Banner, he would gladly take him. Did that mean my packmate was moving in on my mate? Fuck that. He couldn’t have him. I was suddenly very pissed and stood to go rip Augustus’s head off.
“Stop right there.”
I froze and turned slowly. “How did you know I was here?”
“We know where others are all the time.” The tall, dark-haired fate shrugged. “That and we asked the goddess.”
I nodded slowly. “Did you need something?”
“Not exactly.” Thomas looked at his fingernails, then refocused on me. “You have been thinking that Banner would be better off without you, so I’m here to grant that wish. He will be gifted another mate. One that will appreciate him for how wonderful he is.”
I glared at Thomas. “Now, wait a minute.”
“Excuse you?”
I narrowed my eyes. “You can’t just take my mate away.”
