Page 86 of Savage Blooms
Maybe that’s why he never left.
“Hey,” Adam said, jostling his shoulder against Finley’s. “Are you with me? You seem miles away.”
“I’m with you,” Finley mumbled, picking up a stone and hurling it with all his might into the water. It broke the surface with a satisfying splash, shattering the pristine scene. Finley wanted to throw more rocks. He wanted to tear up the grass and knock the supports out of the bridge and fill the brook with debris, just to feel something. To spite Eileen’s dead father, perhaps, or to spite Eileen herself.
Or perhaps Finley was just hard-wired for destruction, doomed to ruin everything he touched.
“I’m sorry for losing my temper,” he said. “It was stupid of me. Eileen just gets under my skin sometimes.”
“What did she say to you?”
“She was saying I ought to leave her. That I don’t belong here.”
“That doesn’t sound very nice,” Adam ventured in that broad Midwestern accent. Finley hadn’t grown up around many foreigners, and his childhood impression of Americans had been shaped primarily by television. He sometimes saw Adam as a cowboy, roughshod and brazen, riding into Craigmar on his horse to kick up dirt and cause a ruckus. It was easy now to imagine Adam as some small-town sheriff, playing peacemaker in a shining star badge and leather chaps.
“Well, she didn’t exactly say that,” Finley admitted. “But I know what she meant.”
“You two go at it like that often?”
“Sometimes.”
Adam nodded sagely, pursing his lips.
“The way I see it, you might try to be kinder to each other. You’re all the other has, all the way out here.”
“That’s exactly the problem,” Finley said, pushing off the bridge to make his way back to the house alone. He didn’t appreciate Adam’s unsolicited advice, or the talent Adam had for rummaging around in his brain.
“Come on,” Adam said, “don’t run off. I’ve got something to say to you.”
“Then you ought to say it,” Finley said, rounding onAdam fast, like a warning. Adam didn’t look the least bit frightened. Instead, he clapped Finley on the shoulder.
“I wanted to thank you,” Adam said. “I know Nicola and I crash-landed in your life, but you’ve been very good to us, better than we deserve. You’ve kept Nicola grounded the whole time. You’ve done the same for me too. You’re a good person, Finley.”
Finley doubted Adam was trying to make him want to throw up from guilt, but that was exactly the effect his words had. Sickly shame settled deep into his stomach, roiling and churning. He shrugged off Adam’s shoulder.
“Listen, Adam, I do like you. Probably more than I ought. So that’s why I’m going to tell you plainly that I’m not.”
“Not what?”
“A good person.”
Finley expected his response to shut the whole conversation down. He expected Adam to turn away and leave him to his own thoughts. But then, Adam did something entirely baffling, which Finley was coming to learn was incredibly characteristic.
He smiled. Not one of Eileen’s taunting smirks, but a real smile, all teeth and goodwill.
“Well, I’ve always been a poor judge of character when it comes to my friends.”
Friends.Finley considered Adam an acquaintance, perhaps a very intimate acquaintance, but he hadn’t allowed himself to place Adam in the friend category in his brain. Sure, they took their meals together and talkedtogether while walking the grounds and yes, sometimes even had almost-threesomes together, but he refused to let himself think of Adam as a real friend. That seemed dangerous, especially considering the very active role Finley had played in sealing his fate.
But then again, Adam was right. He really was alone out here, except for Eileen and Nicola. He had been alone out here his entire life.
It might be nice to get on better terms with Adam. It might be nice to have another man he could talk to, about some things at least.
Finley sniffed and stuck out his hand. Adam shook it, and then pulled Finley into a one-armed embrace, probably the one he used to greet his other friends back home. Finley’s hand drifted up in shock to press between Adam’s shoulder blades, seeking closeness despite his mental refusal to accept what was happening.
Then, just as quickly as it had begun, the hug was over.
Finley was left reeling by the unexpected display of affection. Heat crawled up the back of his neck.
