Page 59 of Dearly Unbeloved
“Okay, maybe not for Maggie, then. I don’t think she’d even let you put a collar on her,” she says to Cal, and he chuckles.
“I wouldn’t dare. Speaking of, I’m meeting her at Ethel’s for lunch. Want me to bring either of you anything back?”
“Can you get me a chocolate and banana milkshake, French toast sticks, a buffalo falafel sandwich with ranch, cinnamon chip pancakes, Cajun house fries, and whatever fruit plate they have today, please?” Jazz says, and we both stare at her until she shrugs. “I didn’t have time to eat breakfast.”
“On it. Can you text that to me?” Cal asks, and Jazz pulls out her phone. “Anything for you?”
“I’m good, thanks,” I answer, waving him off as he steps into the elevator.
Jazz and I settle into a silence, working through our lists until she drops her tablet on the coffee table and says her eyes need a break. I close my laptop and set it aside. I haven’t been nearly as productive as I’ve wanted to be today. The past week has fucked with my head, and I washoping the trip to the toy store on Saturday would get me and Rose back on steady ground, but seeing Hallie just unraveled her again.
I know it’s not really about Hallie—being faced with her lack of relationship with Maggie made her panic that one day she, Jazz, and Xan would end up the same. And I understand why she’d think that. I know she wants to be closer with them, and I know Jazz does, too, but if I push too much, they’ll retreat.
It scares the shit out of me. There’s only so long left of our arrangement, and as much as I’m trying not to think about the end date, I can’t help but wonder what happens to Rose when I’m not there.
She’s never lived alone, and I don’t like the idea of her being alone when she’s in a depressive episode. Especially considering I seem to be the only one who knows about said depression.
I can’t force her to get help, and I can’t do anything about our impending deadline, but I can change who knows about what she’s dealing with. Even if it does make me the world’s worst confidant.
“Hey, can I talk to you about something?”
Jazz looks warily at my collar. “Is it about your sex life with my sister?”
“It’s not. Though, for the record, it’s fun to see you deal with this after telling Liam more about his dad’s sex life than he ever needed to know.”
“Touché,” Jazz says, holding out her palms. “What’s up?”
I spin my ring around my finger. “It’s about Rose. Shewould be so pissed off if she knew I was talking to you about it, but god knows I’m used to her hating me?—”
“Weird thing to say about the woman you married,” Jazz points out, but I ignore her.
“Okay, here’s the thing. Rose is depressed. And I don’t mean recently. She’s been depressed since she was a teenager. She seems to manage it okay most of the time, but she’s not happy day to day, and she has really bad spells sometimes.”
Jazz’s face falls, panic filling her hazel eyes. “What? How is that… How could we not have noticed?”
I lean forward and put my hand over hers, squeezing. “It’s not you. She’s gotten really good at hiding it. We lived together for over a year before I noticed.”
“But since she was a teenager? Someone should’ve noticed.Ishould’ve noticed.”
“I didn’t tell you so you’d blame yourself, Jazz,” I tell her softly, though I know I’d feel the same if I found out Kyo had been depressed for a decade and I hadn’t noticed. “You were dealing with your own shit, too. This is on your parents. Hell, pretty much everything is on your parents.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Jazz says, and guilt spreads over me as I watch her wipe her eyes. Shit. This wasn’t what I was going for.
“Jazz, I’m sorry. I?—”
“No, no. I’m glad you told me. I’m just surprised.” She takes a deep breath, like she’s centering herself. “Okay. When you say depressed, is… is she hurting herself? Do you think she might?”
I shake my head before shefinishes talking. “No. I asked her, and she said no. And I believe her.” Mostly. Do I think there’s an element of Rose hurting herself in how hard she pushes herself at work? How she doesn’t let herself have anything fun? Absolutely, but I don’t think she’s in any immediate danger.
“I think we need to take it slow in getting her to open up,” I continue. “I’m trying to get her to go to the doctor to talk about medication and therapy, and I asked her to consider talking to you and Xan. Not even about this, just in general. I think it would be helpful for her—and the two of you—to process all the shit with your parents together. I know you have Maggie and Liam, and Xan has Kami, but Rose… She doesn’t have anyone other than me.”And she only has me for a little while longer,I think, trying to ignore how much the thought makes me want to shut down completely.
Jazz is never going to forgive me when she finds out we’re getting divorced. Especially not after this conversation.
“That all sounds like the best way to handle it,” Jazz agrees, sitting back against the couch, her brow pinched. “I won’t tell her you’ve told me, obviously, and I agree with taking it slow, but promise me you’ll tell me if it gets worse, Sierra.”
“I promise.”
And if she hates me forever for it… Well, I guess it won’t matter once we sign the papers.
