Page 2 of Dearly Unbeloved
“That is something we’re going to be looking at over the next couple of months. Though I must admit, I’m surprised you’re interested.” She doesn’t sound put off by the idea, at least.
“I hoped my work over the past year would show how dedicated I am.” I hug the papers to my chest. “I really love working here.”
“Oh, Rose. No one would doubt your dedication. You put in more hours than anyone else, even when you don’t need to. But there’s more to being in a supervisory position than the work side of things.”
I try not to show how confused I am, but my eyebrows pull together of their own accord. “Like what?”
Lisa’s lips twitch, and I get the feeling she’s trying not to laugh. She leans forward with a reassuring smile. “We’re a close-knit team here. As far as research labs go, we’re pretty small and, although we pride ourselves on our work, it’s also important to us to have a comfortable and friendly culture. Most labs I’ve worked at over the years have been brutal, just work, work, work. It’s soul crushing.”
“Right. I’ve never felt uncomfortable here.” A new worry hits me at full force. “Oh no. AmImaking people uncomfortable?”
“No, not at all,” Lisa replies quickly. Thank god. “But you’re not immersed in the team. I don’t think anyone here knows anything about you beyond your name and how hard you work.”
“And that’s a problem?” I’m here to work. Why does anyone need to know anything beyond how good I am at my job?
“It’s not a problem, per se. But it is important for the team to feel like they know their supervisors. Although you know nothing is mandatory, we do look for supervisors to come to our team lunches and drinks, and when we do family days. You’re so focused when you’re working, and you eat lunch alone, so no one ever gets the chance to get to know you,” Lisa explains, and, while she’s not wrong, I hadn’t realized I was supposed to be socializing here.
“I thought it was more important to stay focused and get my work done,” I reply slowly.
“Of course we want everyone to get their work done, but there is a social aspect to the job, too, especially in a supervisor position. You’ve been here for over a year, and I know the team is curious about who you are outside of work. We like celebrating together—big life events, like Angie getting engaged last year. Things like that, you know?”
Any hope of getting this promotion fades as her words sink in. I’m a hard worker, I’m good at doing what I’m told and going above and beyond in a work capacity. But I’m not good with people, and it’s not like I’ve got anything like Angie’s engagement to share anyway.
My older siblings got all the social skills in our family; there were none left by the time I came along. My brother, Xander, is the picture of charisma, a miniature version of our dad—but less of a dick. My sister, Jazz, is an extrovertto the extreme. She thrives on being around people and can strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. And then there’s me.
I tried to mimic other people in school, watching them form friendships and connections, and I did a good job of faking it, but it’s never come naturally to me. And the older I get, the more exhausting I find it.
Could I pretend long enough to get promoted? Maybe. What comes after, though? I don’t want to come to work every day and tire myself out by putting on a mask. But if that’s what it takes, maybe I’ll have to.
“The social side of things has never been my strong suit,” I admit, and Lisa nods, seemingly unsurprised.
“I understand. And it can be hard to push yourself out of your comfort zone with things like that, but it would be nice to get to know you, Rose.”
“Right. That’s definitely something I can work on.”
I wish I was doing something wrong professionally. Not working fast enough? Work faster. Not doing enough? Show up earlier. Not doing things perfectly? Do better. Fixing a glaring personality issue that I’ve had since birth is significantly trickier. But I’m not a quitter. And I don’t actually have to change anything; I just have to lie my ass off.
I paste a forced smile on my face, and while Lisa doesn’t look particularly optimistic, she looks somewhat reassured.
“Perfect. Well, I look forward to getting to know you better. We’re doing drinks after work on Friday if you’d be interested?”
Shit. “Oh, um, I’m actually going to Vegas this weekend,so I’m taking leave on Friday,” I say, cursing Jazz for booking a girls’ weekend, and for forcing me to come.
“That sounds fun. You’ll need to tell us all about it when you get back!” Lisa replies, leading me toward the door.Why does that sound like a threat?“Maybe next—are those the answers to this morning’sMonika and Cleo In the Morningquiz?”
I still as I realize I’m accidentally holding the papers answer-side out. So much for professional. But Lisa looks more excited than disappointed. “They are,” I confirm. Sierra is obsessed with the morning show and listens to it every day while she’s getting ready for work, but I don’t pay much attention, so I’m screwed if Lisa asks me about it. “But they’re not mine.” Lisa’s face falls. Fuck. Why couldn’t I just pretend?
I mentally kick myself, and that’s the only thing to blame for what slips out of my mouth next: “They’re my fiancée’s. She loves Monika and Cleo.”
Lisa stops in her tracks, her face lighting up. “You’re engaged? Oh, congratulations, Rose! We had no idea.” Well, they wouldn’t, considering it’s a boldfaced lie. This isnotthe kind of pretending I had in mind. Shit.
“Sorry,” I offer with a feigned guilty look. “We’ve been keeping it quiet. Our families are both big wedding families, but we want something small. An elopement.”Why the fuck did I say that?
Lisa’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, is that why you’re going to Vegas this weekend?” I don’t know what in the world possesses me to nod, but I feel my head rising and falling before I can stop it. “That’s soexciting!”
Lisa leans against the doorframe and, like it or not, I’m in the lie now. “So, tell me all about her. What’s her name?”
“Sierra,” I answer before I can bite the word back. “Her name is Sierra Hayashi, and she’s… amazing.”
