Page 88 of Cruel Possession
“She lives in Vermont.” I break apart one of the arancini balls, making sure to get a bite with some of the gooey cheese and the crispy rice.
Zoe points her fork at me as she sits down. “Which is exactly my point. You don’t have a life of your own because it’s so wrapped up in your siblings.”
“Don’t see how that’s a bad thing.”
“It’s not, but they’re getting tired of having you watch over them, and I can see it in your eyes that you’re getting tired too.”
“I’m fine.”
Zoe arches an eyebrow as she chews a piece of lasagna. “I don’t know who you’re trying to convince, but if it’s me, you’re not doing so good at it.”
I snort and stuff another forkful of food into my mouth, chewing and turning over what she’s saying. As I swallow, I shrug. “Look, I know my family is all adults. I know that they have lives of their own, but we’re close, and I’m not going to do anything to turn them away.”
“I don’t think they’re going to turn away from you, but I think they need to be at their own homes a little more.” She pulls the crust off her garlic bread and uses it to sop up some of the sauce. “I love that you have a family who cares about you, but you’re wearing yourself down by trying to be there for everyone all the time.”
“I don’t think I am.”
“I can see it.” Zoe leans back in her chair and crosses one leg over the other. “Why do you think you looked forward to our time together so much even though you knew it was going to upset your family?”
I focus on my food, not sure what to say to her.
She’s right. I know she is, and there’s no point sitting here and arguing with her about it.
I put too much of my life into my family, and if I want to be my own person—if I want to have a life of my own—then I’m going to have to start letting go. I’m going to have to back off from them and focus on what I want.
And it scares me.
Knowing everything that’s out there and everything that could happen to them, I don’t want to push them away.
Zoe offers me a small smile. “I’m not saying to turn your back on your family. I’m just saying that you should all give each other time to breathe.”
“Maybe.”
She laughs and keeps picking at her food. “There comes a point when every parent has to give their child room to grow. I think you’ve reached that point.”
“I think you’re after something else here.” I gesture at her with my fork, trying to change the subject. “I think what you really want is to be bent over the kitchen counter, and that’s hard to do with people always around.”
Zoe raises her hands, palms out. “You caught me. I really just want to have a hard stone counter digging into my hips.”
I glance over my shoulder at her counters before looking back at her. “That could be arranged.”
“Not after eating pasta and a literal ball of cheese and rice it can’t.” She leans back in her seat and undoes the top button of her jeans. “I knew I should’ve worn the eating pants.”
“You’re going to have to show me these eating pants sometime.”
“You couldn’t handle the eating pants.” She gives me a smug little smirk as we finish our food.
As soon as I’ve finished washing the dishes after dinner, I join her on the massive couch, sprawling out on the soft cushions beside her and putting my head in her lap.
Zoe puts a movie on before her fingers sink into my hair. She plays with the strands, fingers combing and the food coma starting to take over.
“Do you ever think about what happens if we don’t die young?” Her voice is soft, her hand stilling.
“Statistically speaking, I’m going to die young. Living fast and all that. So no, never really gave much thought to what happens like forty years from now.”
“If you were to sit here and think about it, what would you want?”
I sit up, turning to face her a little. “You.”
