Page 84 of Under the Mistletoe
“Let’s sit.” Hannah removed her coat, hung it by the door, and pointed to the couch.
“I’m fine.” Devin wiped the tears before dropping into one corner of the couch, propping her knee up between them.
“You look it.” Hannah took the other end of the couch and mirrored her position. “First, Logan didn’t leave because of you.”
“He did. He walked in and saw Greyson hugging me. It wasn’t anything romantic. Everyone had just left, then my boss fired me. Let’s just say it wasn’t my best moment.”
“I don’t care if you were kissing Greyson?—”
“I wasn’t!” Devin held up her hand as she blinked rapidly. “It wasn’t—isn’t like that at all.”
“I believe you. My point is you can’t blame yourself. Logan left because Logan runs. I love that boy like he was my own little brother, but he’s not perfect.” Hannah stared out the window a moment, then looked back at Devin. “Did you know Luke grew up in foster care?”
“Logan told me a little bit.”
“He actually grew up here in Heritage, right next to me in the house we live in now.”
“You were high school sweethearts?”
Hannah released a deep laugh. “No. Our romance saga was not that. I’ll tell you about it sometime, but let’s just say that when we did eventually start dating, we too had a fight. A big one, and I was in the wrong. Even though my actions led to good things, I can see I didn’t go about it the right way. After we fought, Luke took off.” Hannah rolled her eyes. “The brothers are very similar in spite of the fact they weren’t raised in the same house.”
Devin pulled both her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “What did you do?”
“After crying my eyes out? I realized that even though I had made a mistake, Luke’s leaving was on him. He could have chosen to stay and fight, to talk it through. But he hadn’t. Luke’s and my relationship was only a part of him leaving. He was wrestling with God over things that I couldn’t fix—that I wasn’t supposed to fix.”
“So did you just wait him out?”
“I turned to God. Because even though those we love fail us, God is always dependable. God will always show up. It may not look like what we think it will, but we are told in Deuteronomy that ‘The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.’ Then it goes on to tell us that we don’t need to be afraid or discouraged. Because God is there. In the midst of our pain. In the midst of our mess-ups. He is the One who will never let you down.”
“I messed up with the Barlows. I was so busy having events that I kept putting off my meeting with them, and now they backed out on the adoption?—”
“Whoa. Hold on. The Barlows’ backing out is not on you. Maybe you could have helped them handle it better, but they would have come to the same conclusion either way. Speaking from someone who has adopted three kids and fostered but didn’t adopt a few other kids, a lot goes into that decision. But nothing in it had to do with whether someone pushed off a meeting.”
“I just feel so bad for the Wallis kids.”
“We all do. But would you want them to be with people who didn’t really want them? And I have to trust that God is still not done with them. Ann said they were settling in and all smiles today at breakfast.”
“You saw them? But Heather said they’d been moved.”
“To Luke’s parents. They recently got approved for emergency placement, and the caseworker thought this might be the least disruptive until they found someone interested in adoption.”
Logan’s face came to mind, but she pushed it away. “I wish I could have?—”
“Just like you aren’t responsible for Logan’s decision, you aren’t responsible for the Barlows.” Hannah reached out and took her hand. “And you are not responsible for your parents’ bad decisions.”
The words pierced her. “My parents are complicated.”
“No, your parents are selfish.” Hannah gave her hand a little squeeze before dropping it. “Family shows up for each other. It’s not complicated at all. You can love them and still recognize they are unhealthy and selfish.”
“What good will that do?”
“When you recognize that they are unhealthy, you can set boundaries.”
“They’re all I have. I can’t cut them off.”
“Setting boundaries and cutting them off are two very different things. Over in my house, there are four children. One I carried in my body, and three I did not. But all four of them have my heart. Wholly, fully. My point is, we are sometimes family because of blood. And we are sometimes family because we choose it.”
“I know, it’s just?—”
