Page 22 of The House at Hope Corner
It would give Flora something to do as well.
Fraser was still sitting in the armchair. He’d been dozing when Flora last checked on him, but now he was looking much more alert, a little more like his usual self in fact. She saw Ned pause as he caught sight of him, obviously expecting to see him in a far worse state.
‘Hiya, Dad,’ he said cheerily. ‘Glad to see you taking it easy while I do all the work. I should have known you were just after a crafty kip.’
Hannah looked up sharply, but Fraser just smiled.
‘Cheeky bugger,’ he replied. ‘You’ll be wanting the chair next.’
‘That’s not such a bad idea. A slice of cake and a cup of tea wouldn’t go amiss either.’
Flora smiled. ‘Dream on,’ she said, catching Ned’s eye as he looked at her, an unspoken question in his eyes. She nodded.Yes, it’s time to tell him.
‘Hannah,’ she said, as brightly as she could. ‘Can I have a word for a minute? I just wanted to ask you something.’ From the corner of her eye she could see Ned kneel on the floor beside Fraser’s chair, and she moved forward to intercept Hannah, leading her away to the other side of the room to where a large chest of drawers stood. And then, standing so that their backs were to the chair, she swiftly and calmly explained the situation.
‘Oh, don’t be so ridiculous. Fraser’s a fit man. There’s not many who could work all day the way he does. And he eats like a horse, there’s nothing wrong with him.’
‘But there is, Hannah,’ she said gently. ‘And I’m not saying that this is whathashappened, all I’m saying is that it’s a possibility given the pain in his back and tummy together with his other symptoms. He hasn’t been well all day, in fact I don’t think Fraser’s felt right for a day or two, he just hasn’t let on to anyone. He’s short of breath too but he’s trying hard not to show it. And if that’s the case, it’s because he’s scared. So, if nothing else, let the paramedics come and put his mind at rest.’ Then you can all blame me, she thought, but didn’t say.
Hannah turned back to look at her husband. ‘He’s only sixty-four,’ she said.
‘Then he has age on his side,’ replied Flora. ‘Let’s just wait and see, shall we?’ She tried to smile, hating herself for resorting to platitudes, but that was what people did, didn’t they? When they didn’t know what to say.
A bark of laughter came from the other side of the room.
‘Well, honestly. That’s not going to help at all, Ned should—’
‘No, that’s a good thing,’ she interrupted before Hannah could intervene. ‘Fraser’s obviously feeling better, and that’s what we want. For him to be as relaxed as possible. Being stressed will do him no good at all.’
Hannah frowned, but even she could see the validity of Flora’s words.
‘So I thought we might pack a bag, just in case the paramedics want to admit him. Be prepared and all that.’ She gave an encouraging smile.
‘But you said yourself he’s obviously better, what point is there in being melodramatic?’
‘I said he’sfeelingbetter, Hannah. That’s not quite the same thing. It doesn’t get past the fact that he’s just had quite a nasty turn and should the paramedics think he needs to go to hospital, they won’t want to wait while you rush around.’ She eyed Hannah’s expression. There was only one thing for it. ‘And I thought putting a few things together for Fraser might make you feel a little better – if you’re organised, I mean.’
It did the trick. The threat that the paramedics might possibly think Hannah disorganised had her out of the room in a flash, returning a moment later with an ancient holdall which she laid on the bed. Flora used the opportunity to go and stand beside Ned.
‘How are you feeling, Fraser?’ she asked. Five simple words that hovered in the air between them for a moment. There was a knowing in these words, a myriad of silent questions and statements which sat between her words and which at this moment only Fraser would understand.Are you in pain? Are you scared? You don’t have to even tell me, I’ll know. Don’t worry about Hannah, or Ned, I’ll look after them.And of course the most important of all:Don’t worry, I’ll keep your thoughts safe, I’ll tell no one unless you want me to.
And his reply, ‘Aye, not so bad,’ as his look held hers, which told her all she needed to know.I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m terrified, I don’t want to admit this is even happening.
‘That’s good then,’ she replied, as brightly as she could. She rested her hand on Ned’s shoulder, gave it a quick squeeze and moved away. ‘I’ll just pop back downstairs for a minute.’
She didn’t want to admit what was happening either, because upstairs there were people who had far more reason to be anxious than she did, but she couldn’t ignore her thoughts, and she was thinking of herself when she shouldn’t be. She should be thinking about Ned and how he was feeling, thinking of Hannah and Fraser, offering support, yet the insistent whisper at the back of her mind was clamouring to be heard. Because whatever was happening to Fraser would affect them all, including her… It could change their lives forever.
She looked round the kitchen. How long would it be before the ambulance arrived? Maybe she could peel some potatoes for tea or make a start on the apple crumble, but almost as soon as the thought popped into her head she flung it away again. Ridiculous. The garden was now dark beyond the window and she slipped into the scullery and out the back door to await the flash of headlights across the yard. The wind whipped around the corner of the house, slicing into her, but she didn’t care. It was just punishment for her selfish thoughts.
* * *
It was the waiting that was the worst.
‘Can I get anyone a drink?’ offered Flora. ‘I noticed there’s a vending machine out in the foyer.’ They were standing in an awkward huddle around Fraser’s hospital bed.
Hannah seemed to look right past her, eyes focused on some distant object, but slowly she homed in on Flora and she shook her head. ‘No thank you.’ They were the first words she had spoken in quite some time. Up until then her gaze had remained glued to the monitor above Fraser’s head which beat out the rhythm of his life, as if by doing so she was ensuring it continued. ‘But perhaps Fraser might like some water?’
Fraser looked peculiarly affronted to find himself in hospital at all, particularly when, as he told anyone who would listen, he felt fine, and he turned to her now, tutting. ‘Never mind the water, you can get me a cup of tea, lass,’ he said. ‘I don’t know how much longer we’re expected to wait, but a man could die of thirst in here.’ He seemed completely oblivious to what he had just said, adding, ‘And a Mars bar or something, it’s nearly seven o’clock and I’m bloody starving.’ He looked at Hannah. ‘I don’t feel sick any more,’ he added.
