Page 64 of The Beekeeper's Cottage
‘It’s so lovely to see you, Grace,’ said Maria, still holding her hand, Grace realised. She clasped the other one, holding her at arm’s length and looking her up and down. ‘And you’re everything I hoped you would be.’
Grace blushed at her frank assessment, but strangely, coming from Maria, it felt like an entirely normal thing to say.
‘You’re just like Amos,’ she replied. ‘I don’t know a thing about you, but I can see why you’re such good friends.’
‘Then you approve,’ said Maria. ‘That makes me very happy.’ She looked at her watch. ‘Now, have you eaten? I’ve a fresh batch of scones straight out of the oven, so have one of those at least, even if you can’t face anything else.’
Maria led her from the lounge through an archway into a dining room, and on into the kitchen which ran along the back of the house. Two things struck Grace straight away: the first was the sudden light in this room, and the second was the smell. There was a glorious scent of baking, but also something much earthier, greener and, looking up, Grace realised that the ceiling was hung with bunches of herbs strung from a line across the room. A sewing machine stood on the kitchen table along with heaps of colourful cotton fabric.
‘Have a seat,’ said Maria, ‘if you can find a space, and then I want to know everything about you.’
And so, surprisingly, although she had only just met Maria, over the most delicious cheese and chive scone and a pot of strong tea, Grace did tell her. Except that she didn’t tell her about the Grace of old, she told her about the person she had become since she had met Amos.
22
Somehow the afternoon slipped into the evening without either of them really noticing. More tea had been drunk, both the house and garden explored, and Maria had told Grace all about herself and the small business she ran from the cottage growing and selling herbs and making fragrant pillows and other herbal remedies. In fact, the two women seemed to have so much in common that Grace couldn’t help but wonder aloud why Amos hadn’t fallen for Maria’s considerable charms. It was the first time the young woman’s face fell during the whole time Grace had been there.
‘He hasn’t told you what happened, has he?’ she asked.
Grace shook her head. ‘No, he left before I had the chance to talk to him about it. But I know it must have been serious.’
‘I thought as much, because if he had told you, you would understand why he and I could never be a possibility.’ Her face brightened a little. ‘Of course there’s a huge age gap and we’d have to fancy one another as well, which we don’t. But even if we did it would never work, we’re too much of a reminder for each other. Amos and I are the best of friends, and I am glad to have him in my life, but that’s as far as it goes. But you, you’re a different matter… You’re just as special as Amos if I’m not much mistaken and I’d hate to see you slip through each other’s fingers.’
Grace blushed slightly at the compliment and chose her words carefully. ‘Was the thing that happened something… bad? I feel awful even asking. I mean, here I am, miles from home, waiting for a man who in all honesty I barely know, and yet Iamhere… I’m not entirely sure why, and yet I can’t believe that anything will change how I feel about Amos.’
Maria considered her question for a few moments, her lips pressed together. ‘That’s not a question I can answer, I’m afraid. The judgement you make must be yours and yours alone.’
‘Yes, I can understand that,’ replied Grace sombrely. ‘And I appreciate your honesty.’ She smiled, trying to lighten the mood once more. ‘I just wish he’d hurry up and get here, that’s if he’s coming at all. I’m beginning to feel a little like a lovesick teenager.’
Maria nodded in acknowledgement of how Grace was feeling. ‘He’ll get here, I’m sure of it, but you might have noticed that time doesn’t seem to hold the same constraints over Amos that it does over most people. The spare bed is made up anyway though – you will stay, won’t you?’
‘Oh…’ Grace stared at her. ‘I hadn’t even thought about what might happen if Amos doesn’t arrive today. I don’t have anything with me… no nightclothes, clean underwear, not even a toothbrush.’ She pulled a face. ‘I’m afraid I was in a bit of a rush to get going when I left home. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.’
Maria grinned. ‘Then it’s a good job I have some spares. Don’t worry, as long as you don’t need anything fancy, you’ll be fine. Now what say we open a bottle of wine and get some food on the go? The garden is just bursting with delicious stuff to eat at the moment and I rather like the idea of picking our own dinner.’
Grace followed her out into the garden, grateful to her for keeping the mood light. It was bad enough waiting for Amos without dwelling on the reason why he left in the first place. Together they gathered some lettuce leaves, fat juicy tomatoes, a pepper, some green beans and handfuls of fresh basil, the smell clinging to Grace’s fingers. She inhaled deeply, feeling the peace that pervaded the place. She tried to draw it down deep, as if she could store it up for the future.
Scarcely a half hour later they were back outside, eating a simple salad dressed in homemade pesto. With another scone to mop up the juice, it was one of the tastiest meals Grace could remember eating. Or perhaps it was the company. Maria seemed to instinctively know how Grace was feeling and, as she poured another glass of wine, she sat back and squinted into the evening sun.
‘Change is never easy, is it?’ she said.
Grace twiddled the stem of her glass. ‘No,’ she replied. ‘And there seems to have been rather a lot of it lately. But I think that’s one thing that Amos has taught me – that I shouldn’t be so concerned with the destination that I forget to enjoy the journey. I’ve been trying to remember that, but it’s not always easy.’
Maria smiled. ‘That’s just the sort of thing he would say, but you’re right, we all have an intrinsic need to be settled, don’t we? Even when the change happens for a good reason, we strive to get to the point where things stand still again. Yet even though it’s the passage between the two points that gives us problems, it’s where our greatest learning comes from, and also the greatest reward.’
‘It’s a lesson I think I’m finally beginning to learn,’ said Grace, somewhat ruefully. ‘Although I fear it’s come a little too late. I’ve been so fixated with keeping my house that I haven’t seen the possibilities that lie outside of it. And, worse, I think it might be one of the reasons why Amos left.’
‘How so?’
‘Because he’s such a free spirit, and I was convinced that I couldn’t exist without my house around me, its comfort, its security, but also all the things that I thought were me. I’d wrapped it so tight around myself like a cocoon, no one else could get in. Amos could never stand to be so constrained and, unwittingly, I think I gave him the message that if he didn’t live by my rules there was no room for him in my life.’ She stared out across the garden, the last rays of the golden light sinking below the horizon. ‘He’s not coming, is he?’
Maria leaned forward to take her hand. ‘Don’t give up hope, Grace. You’re not the only one who’s beginning to realise a few things. Amos has been on a journey of his own these last few years, one he’s trodden unwaveringly, but I’ve a feeling he’s coming to the end of it. That’s a scary feeling for anyone, as well you know, but he’ll get there – he already knows who it is that’s changed his course…’ She gave Grace a very direct look. ‘But he has to forgive himself first before he can even think about taking a step in a different direction, and that might take some time.’
‘Forgiveness,’ said Grace quietly. ‘Perhaps the most powerful quality we humans can bestow – to be able to offer forgiveness, either to another or to ourselves. I’m not sure I’ve ever been that good at it, but I recognise the sacrifice involved, to lower all defences and put aside our prejudices and sometimes expected behaviour too, so that we act out of the simple and honest truth of what is right. It can take extraordinary courage to do that.’
Lost in her own thoughts, it took Grace a moment to realise that Maria hadn’t replied. When she looked across at her, she was horrified to see her eyes had filled with tears.
‘Oh my goodness… Maria, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ But to her even greater surprise, the young woman got to her feet and threw her arms around Grace, hugging her tight. When she finally drew away, her eyes were shiny bright but her face was lit by something that came from very deep within.
