Page 66 of The Beekeeper's Cottage
‘I don’t know what to say first,’ admitted Grace. ‘Except that I am very grateful to you for telling me. That can’t have been easy.’
‘It’s a whole lot easier telling someone who I know will understand.’
Maria’s eyes were clear and bright as she held Grace’s look and, impulsively, Grace got to her feet, her eyes filling with tears as she hugged Maria to her. The two women stood like that for quite some time until, beginning to laugh, Grace wiped under her eyes and gently pulled away.
‘I’m not sure who that hug was for, me or you,’ she said.
‘For us both. Thank you, Grace. It’s been a while since anyone hugged me.’
And suddenly Grace realised that the last person who had hugged her had been Amos, right out of the blue, and she had felt just the same way. It had felt so good to be held. A wave of longing swept over her; she was aching to see him, talk to him, touch him, but more than anything to let him know how special a person he was. She gave a sudden shiver.
Noticing, Maria took her hand. ‘Come on, let’s go back inside. It’s too cool out here now and getting late.’ Her smile turned into one of sympathy. ‘And perhaps you might like to have a bath or something? A little time to yourself.’
Grace returned her smile gratefully. It was as if Maria had read her mind. Gathering up the glasses and plates, they went back inside, Maria switching on lamps as they went. Moments later they were standing in the spare bedroom.
‘This is Amos’s room, of course,’ said Maria. ‘Although I guess you’ve probably worked that out.’ She stroked a hand across the homely patchwork throw on the bed. ‘I don’t know why I always keep it made up really, I mean he usually sleeps in the garden.’
Grace’s hand went to her heart, warmed by their shared knowledge. It felt absolutely right that she should be here, in this room, and the thought was like the softest of blankets settling around her.
‘Help yourself to whatever you need,’ added Maria. ‘I know that Amos won’t mind in the slightest, and if you need anything else, just say. I’m going downstairs for a bit so take your time.’
She stood by the doorway for a second on her way out before turning back to Grace. ‘Sweet dreams,’ she said.
The warm water of the bath felt like silk against Grace’s skin and she lay, letting her tears fall peacefully without even attempting to wipe them away. Maria’s story had left its mark and, as Grace relaxed, she let go of her emotions too. Shortly after, feeling cleansed and calm, she wrapped one of the huge towels around her and padded back into the bedroom. The curtains were still open and the moonlight shone onto the lane below. She wondered what it would feel like to see Amos walking towards her.
Crossing to the wardrobe, she took out one of Amos’s shirts, soft white cotton that felt delicious against her skin as she pulled it over her head. His presence was palpable in the room as she climbed into bed and, minutes later, she was fast asleep.
23
Grace left after breakfast the next morning.
She’d known as soon as she woke that Amos wasn’t coming back. She had slept well until about four in the morning when she came to with a start and, without even thinking, crossed straight to the window to look down into the lane beyond. As soon as she saw the empty road she understood the turmoil that must be filling Amos’s head. He couldn’t come home, not just yet anyway. He had left the farm because he was terrified that his secret was about to be revealed but, from what Maria had said, Amos was also realising that he couldn’t outrun his past forever, and that maybe the time was right to finally face and lay down his guilt. That being the case, would his home really be the place to do that? Maria was here, someone he trusted and cared about, but so were all the memories and emotions that he had run from in the first place. They would crowd his head, giving him very little space to think things through rationally.
Grace had tried to put herself in his shoes, to understand how he must be feeling, but all she could think was that he would need to be in a place where he could reflect and put things into perspective. But where? And then it had come to her. Amos had spent years travelling from place to place, criss-crossing his path back and forth, but if you were going to finish a journey, to bring it full circle, what better place than where it all began? Particularly if there was someone else from whom you sought forgiveness…
As soon as she’d put her idea to Maria, she could see her eyes light up in agreement, and she dashed off to find a map.
‘It’s near here,’ she’d said, pointing at a collection of lanes on the map that made up the nearest town. ‘Go straight through, past the market square and just after, turn right towards Marcle. The village isn’t huge, so you’ll find it easily enough, just stay on the same road and you’ll drive right by.’ She folded up the map and gave it to Grace. ‘Take it,’ she said. ‘I’ll make us some breakfast.’
It had been all Grace could do to sit still and eat it. Every part of her was itching to get on the road, and the delay felt excruciating. The more she’d thought about it, the more she was certain that the village was where Amos had gone and she was desperate to race after him, but she couldn’t refuse Maria’s kindness. She ate as fast as she could without seeming rude, until, in the end, Maria just laughed, whisked Grace’s plate out from under her and cried, ‘Go, go!’
They hugged fiercely and Grace knew without a doubt that she would see Maria again, very soon.
‘I’ll ring you,’ she said. ‘As soon as I know anything.’ And with that she was gone, navigating her way carefully down the narrow lane away from where Amos had made his home. It took several minutes before Grace’s heart stopped its ferocious pounding and she was able to relax and settle into the journey without crunching the unfamiliar gears. She had a feeling she was going to remember every mile of it.
Even with stopping briefly in the small town, it took Grace just twenty minutes to get there; she hadn’t driven fast, crawling along to see if she could catch sight of Amos along the way. Her stomach was tying itself in knots. She was so close to her destination but, despite her earlier desire to race ahead, now she just wanted to slow everything down.
At the moment she still had hope. There was still the possibility that everything would turn out all right. But what if Amos wasn’t there? Or what if he was there but didn’t want to talk to her? A sob caught in her throat. She thought of the time they had shared together since he arrived at Hope Corner; his kindnesses, his quirky sense of humour, his wisdom and the ability he had to make Grace feel so alive. She couldn’t bear the thought that all that could be over, that she might never get to share those things with him again. How misguided she had been over the past few years, and now, just when she had realised how to set herself free, she stood to lose everything.
Heart pounding as she drove, her eyes scoured the countryside for any sign of him, but the road ahead stayed empty and, as she pulled into a small layby, there were neither people nor cars in sight.
The sun was warm on her arms as she pushed open the lych-gate and walked inside, following the path that led off to the left, just as Maria had described. She was vaguely aware of birds singing, of flowers along the path, but she scarcely registered them, intent on her search. Her feet carried her forward, not caring where she was walking until suddenly she stopped, one hand moving to rest against her heart.
She looked down at the flowers in her other hand, and with tears welling in her eyes she took the final few steps of her journey until she was kneeling beside Amos.
Gently she laid the roses she’d been carrying beside the young woman’s grave. ‘Hello, Beth,’ she whispered, ‘I’ve heard so much about you.’
She thought at first that Amos hadn’t heard her. His head remained bent, his hands loosely clasped in his lap. But then he looked up, turning slightly, and his eyes went straight to hers, widening and then shining in delight with a warmth that wrapped itself around her as a slow smile lit up his face.
