Page 10 of A Year at Appleyard Farm
‘I don’t know why I’m upset really.’
Amos looked up at her. ‘It’s human nature to mourn something when it’s gone.’
She ran a hand wearily through her hair. ‘It was stupid, arguing like that. I was tired, and he was drunk, it wasn’t the best time to have a discussion.’
‘No, perhaps it wasn’t. But given a better time, would the words have been any different?’
‘No,’ she said slowly. ‘I don’t think they would.’ She let out a long sigh. ‘I think I’ve probably been feeling that way for quite a while, I just didn’t realise it until I opened my mouth.’
‘How long had you been together?’
‘Nearly four years. Too long probably. I harboured dreams once that he would ask me to marry him, and we could run this place together, but he never did, and as time went on, it became obvious that he was never really interested. We don’t have all that much in common. I mean, he doesn’t even much like being outside. A long walk in the country is his idea of hell, but we’ve always got on quite well, and he was very good to me when Dad died.’ She looked down at her mug of chocolate, swilling it gently. ‘I wanted someone to share in what we had here, but that person was never going to be Gareth, I can see that now. I’ve let him down too. He thought I wanted the same things he did, but, in truth, I couldn’t live the kind of life he wanted either, a little piece of me would have died each day until we ended up hating each other.’
‘Then you’ve made the right decision. Our choices in life aren’t always easy, but if they come from the heart, they’re usually the right ones, I’ve found. Feeling sad for what has passed is normal, but it also frees you to face the future without the weight of hurt and disappointment. These things are often barriers to what lies beyond, and now, without them, you can be open to possibility once more.’
‘But what am I going to do, Amos? It’s nearly Christmas, and I’ve probably totally blown it with the Hendersons. I don’t want to bow down to Stephen, but I really could do with the money, especially after today.’ She took another sip of her chocolate, staring morosely into her mug.
‘But I didn’t think Gareth contributed financially from what you said. How will his leaving make things any worse for you?’
‘It won’t, but that’s not what I meant. I had a phone call from Merry today. She’s had an idea that might give me a way out of all this; without the cash, though, I might not be able to make it happen.’
‘That sounds like it could be good news?’
‘It is, yes. They’ve given me a repeat order for the hotel for the next four weeks, right up until Christmas. With that and what I make from the mistletoe sales, it will keep me going through to January, but I will need to find something then, which is where Merry’s idea comes in.’
Amos got up to throw another log on the fire. ‘Go on,’ he said, poking at the embers.
‘Well, it seems like they’ve decided that trying to run two businesses might not be so easy with a small child; at some point they’re going to sell the florist shop. They’ve got someone in there at the moment covering for Merry, but she wants to finish at the end of January anyway. To cut a long story short, Merry has offered it to me to run for a few months while she’s busy with the baby with a view to buying it if I find it suits me. Well, obviously, I can’t be in two places at once, so I really need to be out of here early in the New Year. Tom has offered me a room at their hotel until I can find somewhere to live.’
‘So it sounds as if you have a plan?’
‘I might have. But like I said I really need to get this place sold. It’s very good of Merry to offer the shop to me, but I can’t keep them hanging on, they need to make plans too. The extra orders are good news, but they’ll take up a lot of my time as well, and I don’t see how I can possibly get everything done.’ She rubbed her eyes, which still looked red from her crying.
‘Seems to me as if you have no option really. You’ll have to speak to the Hendersons and see what happens; just take one thing at a time. As it happens, I bumped into Sam this morning while I was out walking.’
Freya sat up a little straighter. ‘You bumped into him?’
‘Well, not exactly, he was out riding, but our paths crossed. We got talking, and I happened to mention the deal that Gareth is supposed to have done with his brother. Not surprisingly, given the early hour, he hadn’t yet spoken to Stephen and knew nothing about it, but I’d say he was pretty curious. Perhaps you ought to have a chat with him.’
Freya narrowed her eyes. ‘Just how exactly do you bump into someone on a horse, Amos? What are you up to?’
‘Not a thing,’ he replied blithely. ‘But it did occur to me that it wouldn’t hurt to keep a closer eye on them than usual, just to check that things go according to plan. As it happens, what with Stephen being such a monumental waste of space, Sam is feeling a little busy right now and since the young lad who’s been helping him out has come down with glandular fever, when I mentioned that I might have a few hours spare if he needed any help, he rather bit my hand off.’
‘Amos,’ said Freya in a warning tone. ‘That’s downright meddling.’
Amos said nothing, but stared into the fire, a small smile playing around his lips.
5
Freya really wasn’t looking forward to this meeting. It was the first time she and Sam had been alone together in the same room since…well, for a very long time, and in the few days since Gareth had gone she’d realised how much she missed having him around. She hadn’t thought they’d talked all that much, but even ‘Pass the butter please’ was better than no one to talk to at all.
Her dad had always told her how expressive her eyes were; big dark brown pools of her very soul, he teased her, whenever she had been trying to keep something from him. One look and anyone would guess what she was feeling, and now she was rather afraid that she was wearing an I’m-very-vulnerable, please-come-and-rescue-me air which was not the impression she wanted to give Sam at all. She was staring in the mirror again, despite having given herself a stern talking to. She had washed her hair, but that was all. Her face was resolutely devoid of make-up, and her curves were just…well, just plain curvy.
She had wondered if Sam would come on his own, or whether Stephen would muscle in, unable to bear anyone other than him getting the better of Freya Sherbourne. But as it happened when she opened the door, only Sam was standing there, looking very cold and, she was relieved to see, rather nervous.
She made them tea, not because she wanted any, but because it gave her something to do with her hands which suddenly didn’t know how to behave. She stumbled for a moment over asking Sam whether he took sugar. Giving it to him without would seem rather knowing and presumptuous, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to look him in the eye. Better to pretend he was a stranger and ask what he preferred, as long as he didn’t make some cute reference to it himself. Good grief, since when had making a cup of tea become so difficult? Fortunately, Sam was the model guest, and they managed to end up with a cup of tea each without incident.
His attempt at conversation, though, was rather less successful as he complimented her on the homely quality of her kitchen. Normally, a safe conversational bet designed to put the hostess at ease, but under the circumstances, probably the worst thing he could have said. Of course he then realised and didn’t know what to say. Freya flushed bright red and decided that a more forthright discussion was the only way forward.
