Page 62 of The Midnight Bakery
‘I had a previous conviction for burglary so the judge came down hard. I was sentenced to and served nine years. I’ve been out just shy of one – eleven months and four days, to be precise.’ He ventured a smile, although there was nothing light-hearted about what he’d just said.
‘On days when I’m trying to be kind to myself, about my actions, and my understanding of them, I tell myself that it was grief which fuelled them. To an extent it was, but I think what I was actually driven by was a subconscious desire for my own self-destruction. I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I ought to have been upfront about this from the start.’
‘Should you?’ Frankie looked puzzled. ‘I was a virtual stranger then, I don’t think “ought” comes into it. Besides which, I like to form my own first impressions of people. I’d rather they didn’t tell me what to think straight away. That makes it more about how theywantto appear, rather than the actual truth of who they are.’
‘So, whatwouldyou have thought if Ihadtold you straight away? Before you knew me a little more…?’
Frankie thought for a moment. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said. ‘But, probably not good.’ She held his look, unflinchingly honest. ‘What I don’t understand is what any of this has to do with Stuart, with—’ She broke off, eyes widening. ‘Stuart’s yourson…?’
William shook his head sadly. ‘No, but Danny is…’ He let his words sit between them for a moment. ‘He doesn’t have a clue who I am. Doesn’t treat me any better than I deserve, and that’s okay, but what’s not okay is that I haven’t a clue what to do now. Stuart is clearly mixed up in some serious stuff, and I have no idea whether Danny is involved or not. If he is and I go to the police…well, you know what comes next. But if he isn’t, then he needs to know before hedoesbecome implicated. There’s also the small matter of my own criminal record. If I do the right thing then the chances are it won’t end well for me, but if I do nothing, then Danny’s future is on the line, not to mention the fact that Stuart will be free to carry on peddling his wares.’ He swallowed, feeling the familiar tightness in his throat. ‘See? I told you I was stupid. I should never have come backhere…Thing is, though, there’s quite a large part of me that’s very glad I did.’ He smiled, unsure of himself. Foolish really, that he could still harbour hope that she?—
‘William…’ A soft, slow smile curved the corners of Frankie’s mouth. ‘You asked me just now what I would have thought of you if I’d known all this from the start. And it wouldn’t have been good. But you didn’t ask me what I think now, now that Idoknow…Because now, I see someone like me. I may not have endured a life behind bars, but it was a prison just the same. So I see your guilt writ large across your face, just as I see mine when I look in a mirror. Although it’s not actual guilt, of course, but something you believe yourself to be guilty of, and that’s not the same thing. We don’t have responsibility for other people’s lives, William. Not our husbands or wives, our sisters or brothers, and not our children either. We think we do, because we love them and want to care for them, but we don’t. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. I spent years blaming myself for the way Robert behaved, and by the time I realised how wrong that was, it was almost too late. It isn’t your job to save your son, however much you want to. Just as it isn’t for you to decide how he lives his life in the first place – only he can do that. So there’s nothing to feel guilty about, William. And just in case you’re still not sure, you gave up your freedom for him. You may not have been able to look after him when he was a child but the sacrifices you’ve made for him show me exactly the kind of man you are. The past is the past. It’s what you do about the present which counts.’
He nodded. Deep down, he knew that, yet somehow he’d never allowed himself to believe it.
‘Never doubt that you’ve been faithful to the promise you made, William.’ She leaned forward, holding his look with a warmth that made his heart leap about his chest. ‘So, if you ask me what do I seenow…? I see someone who’s had a life, who’sdone things they’re not proud of, who’s been stupid because that’s what we do when we’re young, but who has learned from their mistakes and is putting them right. I also see someone who, if I’d met them in a dark alley not long ago, I would have probably run in the other direction, but who I know now I’d runtowards. I seeyou, William. Iseeyou.’
31
Tam
Tam arrived at the bakery earlier than planned, but he’d found it hard to sleep, again. It had been good to talk last night about what had happened, but as soon as he was back in his car and left alone with his thoughts, the reality of his situation crowded in. He had no job, no home, and no money coming in now either, and yes, he might find another position but there was still the small matter of the last of his debts to finish paying off. Miss those and problems multiplied; he knew that from bitter experience. Even if he found something straight away, with all the checks that needed to be done it could be weeks, even a month or two before he’d be earning again. A lot could happen in that time. His only saving grace was that, with work on the farm and the odd bit of help in the bakery, he had the means to keep himself busy.
He was about to knock on the door when he paused, arrested by the scene through the window. William and Frankie were seated on opposite sides of the table, their bent heads almost touching, with Frankie’s slender hand lying over William’sconsiderably bigger one. The morning was still dark but the bright overhead lights in the bakery lit every line of their features, and Tam was moved by what he saw. They both looked unbelievably tired and he was reminded of how fragile Frankie’s situation was too, but there was something else written on their faces. Something warm and…solid, steadfast. And he smiled, pleased. Good for them.
He moved into the shadow of the doorway and coughed, scuffing his feet a little on the cobbles before sounding a cheerful rat-a-tat-tat. Obviously, he had seen nothing.
‘Reporting for duty, ma’am,’ he said as Frankie opened the door.
She grinned. ‘And just in time for breakfast, too.’ She pulled the door wider to invite him in. ‘I’m sorry, it looks as if a bomb has gone off in here. We were racing against time to get everything finished, and with me next to useless,’ – she lifted her sling to make the point – ‘there’s still quite a lot left to do.’
‘No problem,’ said Tam. ‘I am here to do your bidding.’
Frankie winced. ‘The washing-up? We’ve got an hour before the shop opens but we’ve still got the cinnamon swirls to ice and the sticky toffee blondies to cut up.’
‘Oh, is that what they’re called?’ William rolled his eyes. ‘I’ve just made twenty-four of the little darlings and had no idea what they were. It’s all a bit of a blur.’
‘Is that okay, Tam?’ added Frankie. ‘Sorry, it’s the worst job of them all.’
‘Just point me at the Marigolds,’ said Tam, holding up his hands and waggling his fingers.
‘Thankyou…I don’t know what I would have done without you two. The sooner I’m back in action, the better.’ She glanced at William, colouring slightly. ‘I’ve been working this poor man’s fingers to the bone. We were just having a little pause for breath.’
Tam gave a bright smile that he hoped would communicate that he hadn’t seen their pause for breath at all. ‘Excellent,’ he said. ‘To the pausing for breath thing, not the other, obviously…’ He cleared his throat. ‘Right, washing-up it is.’
The chatter fell silent for a while as everyone got on with their tasks, and twenty minutes later, the room looked much improved.
‘That’s so much better,’ said Frankie, coming out of the storeroom where she’d been one-handedly putting things away. ‘I can’t think straight when everything is in such a muddle. If we get the shelves set up ready in the shop, I think we’ve just got time for a cup of tea and a bite to eat. And, rather fortuitously, there are some millionaire’s tarts which fell apart when I took them out of the trays, all gooey with caramel.’ She grinned. ‘I’m so cack-handed at the moment, it’s terrible.’
Tam was about to reply when there was a tap at the window. It was Beth, her nose squished up against the glass, and mouth in a wide grin. She rubbed at the mark it left with her sleeve, mouthing an apology. She virtually bounced through the door as Frankie opened it.
‘Sorry,’ she said, beaming. ‘I wasn’t thinking.’
Frankie laughed. ‘I keep the inside clean, the outside…not so much. But someone looks happy…’
Beth’s response was to throw her arms around Frankie before pulling away and practically dancing on the spot. ‘I’ve just come from work,’ she said. ‘But I had to call in here first before going home.’ Her smile grew even wider. ‘I’ve kept my job!’ she exclaimed. ‘Oh God, I’m so happy.’
Tam stepped forward, opening his arms as Beth reached for a hug. ‘That’s bloody brilliant news,’ he said. ‘I’m so pleased for you. And Jack, too…’ He felt unaccountably emotional at her good fortune, suddenly realising how much he cared about them both. ‘This is it, Beth. It’s all going to happen now.’
