Page 104 of Drop the Gloves
It might not be much better than texting into the void, but Evan was tired of doing nothing.This was better than a text message, anyway.More personal.
Evan went through his run, his skin buzzing in anticipation.How long until he could expect Riley to read it?Would he message Evan?His imagination went wild, and he was in a good mood as he finished up his workout and showered.When he went back to the locker room to grab his stuff, he noticed Riley’s stall was empty.Evan’s heart thudded double time.Riley had his note!Any moment now, he might hear from Riley and?—
He stopped on his walk out to his car.He felt something in his pocket next to his wallet, and when he pulled it out, his heart just about died in his chest.
In his pocket were the torn-up pieces of his letter.
Riley
Riley was determinedto move on from Evan Abernathy.
Clearly he’d felt more for Evan than Evan had felt for him.Riley thought there’d been something more than sex and goals building between them, but finding out Evan hadn’t much liked him when he joined the teamandthat he’d never been with another man, Riley felt used.Not that Riley wouldn’t have been up for helping a friend experiment, but he’d like to haveknownif that’s all it was.
And what was this shoulder thing?It pissed Riley off.It was about respect, and it seemed like it’d been lacking.
So he was going to keep his head down, ignore Evan, and get over this ill-fated crush.
It was really easy to stick to that plan when he wasn’t near Evan.Or thinking about Evan.So, basically, never.
“I should move on,” Riley grumbled.“But I don’t know if I want to.I dunno what to do, Sophia.”
He was on his bed, listening to a podcast about...robots?(fuck, he hadn’t been paying attention for a while now and had no clue what they were talking about—wasn’t this a podcast about movies?) and petting Sophia.She blinked at him impassively, which he took as a command for more pets and an invitation to keep talking.
“We had a real good thing, I thought,” he said and scratched under her chin.She looked like a damn queen receiving her due worship from the peasants.“I liked him a lot.”
She opened ocean-blue eyes and stared at him.Liked?she seemed to ask.
“Fine,” he grumbled.“Ilikehim a lot.But he doesn’t talk to me.He didn’t tell me he’d never been with men before.He didn’t tell me he’d previously hated my guts.What the fuck kind of relationship is that?”
No response from Sophia, except to close her eyes once more.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said.“You’ll get your pets.”
The Evan Question had been nagging at him since he’d confronted Evan.Riley couldn’t regret anything he’d said, wouldn’t take any of it back, but he felt trapped.He wanted to be with Evan again so badly, but it was obvious they saw each other differently.It felt like Evan didn’t respect him as a partner, and it seemed like Riley had over-valued where their relationship was going.
Ugh.That last part was on Riley.He should’ve brought up that, hey, he kinda had feelings for Evan, and did Evan feel the same way?But he hadn’t, because he’d been scared of it being one-sided.Not that Evan would be a dick about it.He might’ve misjudged some things about Evan, but the guy was polite to a fault.
Sometimes, that softened his resolve to take a step back.Riley could picture it so easily: Evan, still anxious about the hit last season, seeing Riley join the team.His hurt and frustration that it’d never registered to Riley.He could see it in the way he’d been almost cold to Riley at the start of the season; it wasn’t just that Evan didn’t want to play a physical game, he thought Riley was heartless for not remembering.
…was he?
No.Riley played a rough game, sure, but he’d never tried to hurt anyone.He’d busted some noses and bruised some egos, but he’d never sent a guy on Injury Reserve.Never broken anything or anyone beyond repair, nothing a few days rest wouldn’t heal.Evan included.
And Evan had warmed up to him.However he’d built Riley up in his head, Riley had gotten him to see through all that and give him a chance.
So did he owe Evan a second chance in return?
Yes was his gut answer, but his pride was too wounded to deal with that right now.Evan had hit on Riley’s insecurities enough that Riley knew he needed space to lick his wounds and recover, or else they’d be as much of a mess as before.He hadn’t been sure Evan had wanted to reconnect, except for that stupid letter...
Riley had almost gone to Evan right then and there and said it was fine, they could start over.As much as he wanted Evan back in his arms, it wasn’t smart to jump back into bed so soon.He’d already let himself get caught up in his attraction and desire.Next time—if there was going to be a next time—needed to be done right.Part of doing that right was waiting to make sure Evan wouldn’t change his mind and thinking through how much of himself Riley was willing to put out there.Because right now, he could survive losing Evan Abernathy; if they started where they’d left off, in another month he didn’t think that’d be true anymore.
So he’d torn up the note to avoid temptation and stuffed it in Evan’s jacket pocket, mostly so Evan wouldn’t be waiting for a call that wasn’t coming.But he wasn’t strong enough to get rid of it completely...he’d torn off the part where Evan had put his initials and saidI miss you.He’d rolled that up and slipped it into his wallet.Just a little sliver to remind him Evan cared, if only a little.
* * *
As captain and responsible adult with a wife and kids and house (yikes, that was alotof responsibilities; Riley could barely handle himself and a cat), Lawson was in charge of throwing team parties.Their schedule hadn’t allowed for any so far this season, but their current homestand in Pittsburgh was long enough and close enough to Christmas that they were having a holiday party on the only Friday night they didn’t have a game.
They also only had an optional skate the next afternoon, meaning they’d all be able to sleep off their booze and not look like ass on the ice.
