Page 113 of Drop the Gloves
“What—?”
“It was so close to my eye, they wanted to get a plastic surgeon, so they took me to the hospital.”Riley cracked his neck, and his eyes fluttered shut in relief.When he opened them and saw Evan hadn’t moved a muscle, he rolled his eyes and turned away.“You think this is bad, you should see the other guy.Heard he got his ass whooped.You got that water?”
Evan jerked back to life, water sloshing over the side as he rushed forward with the glass.Riley ignored him as he pulled a white paper bag out of his pocket and started rummaging around to get the right bottle of meds.He popped a few in his mouth and mumbled, “Thanks” around the pills.He swallowed and then cast Evan a sidelong glance.“What’re you doing here?”
He reeled as if he’d been slapped.“I wanted to check on you,” he said, defensive.Like he couldn’t believe Riley didn’t believe him.“I couldn’t sleep?—“
“You were sleeping when I found you,” Riley said.He crossed his arms over his chest.“Try again.”
Evan gulped.He’d wanted his chance to talk, right?
“Because I miss you, and I was worried, and I needed to see that you were okay,” he blurted out in a rush, the words tripping over themselves to get out.“Because the coaches’ standards for you being okay and my standards are clearly not the same.”
“You know,” Riley said, drawing out the words so they hit Evan one at a time, “I wasn’t too happy to have to leave a game and go to the fucking hospital, but I’m not mad at the guy who did it.Like, yeah, control your fucking stick, but whatever, it was an accident.”He ended on a very pointed note, just in case Evan hadn’t put the pieces together.
He had.Many times over since Riley had been taken off the ice.
“I don’t give a fuck about my shoulder.”Then he winced and backtracked.“Okay, I obviously care about my shoulder, but I’m not upset.I get it.I can’t hold on to that stuff if I plan on playing long term.There’s no room for that kind of shit.It was my first injury scare, and it left more of an impression that it should’ve.I was hurt, and I didn’t want to acknowledge it wasn’t because you weretryingto hurt me.I could’ve just as easily tripped over my own feet and gotten hurt.It was just convenient that it was you with your reputation.I’m sorry.”
Riley closed his eyes and let out a couple of breaths through his nose before he opened them again.“It’s fine.I...understand.It’s hard to separate intention from the results.I’m…sorry I didn’t let you apologize earlier.”He licked his lips.“Can we be done with last season?”
“Yes,” Evan said, not giving Riley a chance to change his mind.He offered his hand.“Fresh start.”
“Fresh start...”Riley looked at Evan’s hand but didn’t move to take it.“For...everything?”
No!he wanted to say, to scream, but maybe it was for the best.Get rid of the baggage and start over.He took Riley’s hand but didn’t shake.“Fresh hockey start?”
Riley’s eyes bored into his.He looked so tired and fragile.“What else is there?”
In for a penny...
“Riley.”He pulled his hand away.“I don’t give a shit about you hitting me.I don’t care about hockey right now.I’m here because I care aboutyou.You think I’d be in anyone else’s room right now if they’d been hurt?I’d be asleep in my bed, knowing I’d find out the damage tomorrow with everyone else.If you want to start over, fine.We’ll start over.But don’t think that means I can forget how much I’ve missed you.”
All he’d said was that he’d missed Riley, a sentiment he’d shared in his note and that he felt was written in every look he sent Riley’s way, but the confession felt like a bomb had detonated between them.
And Riley, always with something to say, was quiet as he opened up a drawer in his nightstand.Evan watched with faint concern that the pain medication was making him loopy as Riley found his wallet and dug around for a small, crumpled piece of paper.He handed it to Evan.
“Open it,” he said, so Evan did.He carefully unfolded the tiny, rumpled thing and was surprised to see his own handwriting staring back at him.
E.A.
P.S.I miss you.
“I thought...”Evan coughed to clear his throat.“I thought you tore it up.”
“I did,” Riley said.“But I read it first.”He took the paper from Evan and put it back in his wallet.“I watched the game highlights on the news while they patched me up.About the only thing they had on TV.You got a mean right hook.”
“I had a good teacher.”Evan swallowed.“What are the chances of us...I don’t know.Trying again?”
“Trying what again?”
“Riley...”
“Evan.I’m fucking exhausted.They numbed my face, and I still felt every fucking time they pulled that needle through my skin.I thought things were one way between us, and I was wrong.I’m too tired right now to pretend I know what you’re saying.I already assumed things for you before.I can’t do that again.So please say what you fucking mean so I can’t misinterpret it in the morning and get hurt in a month when it turns out I was wrong.”
“I—“ Evan hesitated.Not because he doubted his feelings or Riley’s or anything aboutthem.It was a lot to put out on the table all at once.“I didn’t know I was gay until that first time in the gym with you, and I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since.”
Riley’s eyebrows shot up, though it seemed to hurt him, and he flinched.“You didn’t know you were gay until you were...twenty-two?”
