Page 62 of Beyond the Darkness
“Why didn’t you tell me before?”Hudson’s voice betrayed his doubt.
“Why should I?It’s not something I go around broadcasting.I spent years afterwards being consumed by guilt.By what ifs.It’s something private.Something hurtful.I would have told you when I was ready.And in the middle of an investigation into Julian’s murder, that time wasn’t now.”
At that moment, two women approached them.“Excuse me, Hudson,” the older woman said shyly.“Would you mind taking a selfie with my daughter?”
They regarded him with nervous but hopeful smiles.
“Sure,” he said, going through the motions of being a celebrity.He posed for a couple of photos, waited while they checked they were happy with them, wished them well.
“We’re coming to see the play in two weeks’ time,” the daughter said, grinning from ear to ear.“We can’t wait.”
They had provided a welcome distraction.
“You’re looking at me like you don’t believe a word I’ve just told you,” Luke said when they had left.
“I’m just… I don’t know.It’s floored me, that’s all.”
Luke reached for him.“Hudson, why should it change anything?For Christ’s sake, we’re grown men.There’s a lot of things in both of our pasts that we don’t know or talk about.”
There are no dead boyfriends in my history book.“Did you know Julian before he was killed?”
“What?Of course I did.I’ve told you before, I’ve seen him on stage and in loads of TV shows.”
“That’s not what I mean.”Something inside Hudson told him to stop, to keep what he was about to say buried deep, but the words came out regardless.“Did you know him personally?”
Luke took a step backwards, his mouth hung open, as though speechless, then he said, “No.Why are you asking?”
Hudson’s mouth seemed to take over from his brain.“The night I first met you, in The Blue Pearl, I was there with Julian.You didn’t know him?”
“What the hell are you suggesting here?”
He gasped and turned back to the river.“I don’t know.It’s just a feeling I can’t shake now.”
“You’re suggesting I killed him, aren’t you?Oh, my fucking lord, you are.What possible motive could I have for killing Julian?Unless you think I’m a fucking serial killer who just goes around bumping off other men.Is that it?Do you know how insane that sounds?”
“I don’t know what’s what anymore,” Hudson yelled.
“You should know I’m not a murderer.”Luke flung his arms wide.“How could you even think that?”
“I’ve just told you,” he said quietly.“I don’t know what to think.”
“I’m sure I do.Those idiot podcasters have found out what happened to Reece.They’ve put two and two together to make a fucking hundred.Exploited a tragedy—two tragedies, if you include Julian—and you’ve bought their bullshit theory hook, line and sinker.For fuck’s sake, Hudson, I credited you with some intelligence.”
Hudson put his hand on his forehead.The pressure felt like he was about to explode.“I need time to think.”
“I’d say you do, too, because you haven’t given this crap much thought at all.”Luke took several steps away before turning back to him.“I thought we had something special.More than special.More than just a casual affair.”
That’s what made this so damned painful.They did have something special.Hudson had fallen in love with him.
But had that love made him blind?
He closed his eyes and tried to shut out all the noise.
“I can’t do this,” he said at last.His voice was tremulous.Hot tears pricked at his eyelashes.
“Hudson, take a breath.”
“Luke, I’m sorry.I’m sorry for doubting you, but it’s all become too much.The show starts tomorrow and I’m in no condition to focus on anything but that.Not with all this going through my head.”Tears rolled freely down his cheeks.“This… We need to stop.”
