Page 53 of Lost With You
“You didn’t hang up,” Jillian said. “That’s progress.”
“I gave too much up three years ago.” Casey winced as the words left her mouth. She hadn’t wanted to admit the truth, but there it was. It took three weeks with Dylan to realize how she’d purposefully left behind everything she loved, including love itself. “I didn’t just leave my home and my dreams behind. I left my family, too. I’ve been a terrible sister. A terrible aunt.”
“There we go.” In the background, Casey heard the sound of a match scraping up flame. “You’re in the heart of the matter now.”
“You should give up that dirty habit, Jill.”
“Don’t change the subject. I’m down to one pack a day.”
“So you’ll be fifty when you die instead of forty-five.”
“Won’t I be pretty, though?”
Casey dipped her head. It was a familiar back-and-forth between them. A little comfortable repartee, Jillian would say, to ease the emotional intensity.
“It just all happened so fast,” Casey said. “My head can hardly keep up.”
“You shouldn’t be thinking with your head, not when it comes to this.” Jillian sucked in a deep drag on the cigarette. “Whether you stick with this guy for better or worse boils down to one fundamental question. Can you guess what it is?”
Casey fell back on the bed to stare at the stucco ceiling. “Do I love him?”
“Do you?”
“I do.” She breathed through the words, felt the solid truth in them. “But I’ve built castles in the air before. I’ve seen them crumble, too.”
“Nothing’s guaranteed in life.”
“I know. I told him the same thing.”
“You’re caught in a quandary. Frankly, if you’d answered right away that you were all in with this guy, I’d be worried about you.”
“That doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“It makes all the sense in the world. You’re examining some terrifying feelings. Your heart has woken up again, but you’re still afraid to be part of the world—to joinhisworld. If you’d said ‘yes’ fast, I’d wonder if you were jumping into something out of desperation. If you’d blurted ‘no,’ I would wonder if you were running away again. But you’re riding the line, wanting him and what he represents but understanding how uncertain the future is. It’s scary to put your trust in an uncertain fate. It’s scary to make deliberate, brave decisions. But is it better to stand still, do nothing? You tell me.”
“So…I should make a decision.”
“A smart decision, yes. It doesn’t have to be a yes or a no, a never or a forever, either.” Floorboards croaked as Jillian paced through her apartment. “If you love him, speak your heart to this man. Tell him you’re scared. You can tell him you’re interested. If he’s worthy of you, then he’ll give you time.”
Casey lay on the bed, blinking as tears came to her eyes, tears of a new and uncertain hope.
“And now,” Jillian said against the sound of a drawer sliding open, “I’m archiving your file.”
“What?”
“This is the moment that therapists dream of—sending a patient off on her own. I’m pushing you off the virtual couch, my friend.”
Casey felt a rise of panic. “But—”
“You don’t need me anymore. Not as a counselor, anyway. There’s not a person in the whole world who can help you when it comes to matters of the heart. This woodsman is either ‘the one,’ or he isn’t, and frankly, he’d better be good enough for you, Casey, because you’re a hell of a woman. Next time you call, it won’t be for therapy.”
Casey closed her eyes. She adored Jillian. For all her wisecracking and irreverence, the lady always knew how to cut through the smoke right to the fire.
Casey said, “I’m going to miss talking to you like this.”
“I know. I expect to be invited to the wedding, by the way.” Jillian stubbed out her second cigarette, breathing out the last puff into the phone. “And if you find another gorgeous single guy looking to role-play Captain John Smith to a willing Pocahontas, give him my number, got it?”
***
