Page 58 of Foul & Fake
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”
It’s all I can say. I know I have nothing to apologize for, but I feel it nonetheless. “It’s gonna be fine.”
He’s shaking his head as he pulls back, and then both of his hands are cradling my face so he can stare into my eyes intently. “You never have to apologize to me. You’ve done nothing wrong. I have. AndI’mso fucking sorry.”
I will not cry. Blinking quickly, I shove them down as I force a smile. If he’d have been sorry when it mattered, things might’ve been different. Things could still be different, I guess, if I just let it all go. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it. He’s perfect for me in many ways, but… it’s not real. It’s never been real.
“I hear you, Eli. Thank you for saying it.”
His smile is sad as he places a soft kiss on my lips. “I know you said no gifts, but I have something for you anyway. Can I see your phone?”
When I hold it out he takes it from my hand and replaces it with a palm-sized cupcake plushie. It’s emo as hell with black around the base for the paper liner, purple frosting and black sprinkles, but it’s the adorable glasses on the face that has me melting.
When I glance up at him he’s not smiling though, just frowning down at my phone like he’s scared to give it back. “I shared my location with you so you always know where I’m at but… Can you promise me you won’t watch what I just airdropped until you’re home with your family?”
Yes, but only because I’m absolutely positive that I won’t be able to stop myself from crying when I watch whatever it is. If it’s a sex tape or something weird, I’ll cry out of anger and frustration. If it’s a funny movie, I’ll cry because he wanted to make me laugh. And if it’s goodbye… I don’t think I ever want to watch it.
“I promise.”
“Thanks. Are you done packing?”
He looks around my room like he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and I hate this distance that’s grown between us. Knowing it’s good for me and being happy about it are two different things entirely, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be happy about it.
“Yeah. I’m only going for a few days and it’s not far. I also still have a lot of stuff at home, so… don’t need much. What about you?”
“Nah,” he admits. “I put my bag on my bed and then just stared at it. Not really looking forward to my dad talking about how wealmost had itall winter break.”
He plops down on my bed with a sigh, and I notice it creaks a lot more now than it did when I first moved into this dorm.
Whoops.
“You guys did really, really well,” I say softly. “Don’t let him tell you otherwise.”
“I know. I’m good with how my last season ended, and after all the shit the guys did I’m glad the girl’s team won at least, but — fuck all that. Come here.”
Slowly, I close the distance between us and stand between his legs, his head falling against my stomach as he wraps his arms around my thighs, and all I can do is play with his curls.
By the time we come back, it’ll be over. I should be relieved, yet I’m not. “Don’t let him make you feel bad.”
“I won’t. I guess Juliana is bringing a guy home so that should distract him enough.”
Shit. I really haven’t talked to her much, I didn’t realize she was even dating anyone. “She’s not bringing her weird little friend, is she?”
“Who, Maci? Yeah, she’s coming too. She’s always tagging along wherever my sister goes. I think she’s obsessed with her.”
“Funny, I thought she was pining for you.”
“Maci? I guess, but I don’t see her that way at all.” He pulls back slightly to see my face. “You don’t like her, huh?”
His dimples are peeking out, distracting me.
“No, I don’t. She mean-mugs me all the time, and I see the way she looks at you.”
Which is something I definitely don’t care about. At all.
“Mmhm,” he hums. “Does she look at me the way that dude from your class looks at you? The one that’s been sitting by you in the library asking you to join his dumbass study group.”
It takes me way too long to figure out who he’s talking about. “I don’t know, I never really paid attention to the way he looks at me.” I glance over at the clock and deflate a little, knowing I need to leave soon if I want to make it home by dinner. I’m desperate for a home cooked meal, but I don’t want to leave. Not yet.
