Page 60 of Foul & Fake
“Don’t fight,” I beg. “Especially not in Frosty pajamas, you two look ridiculous. Did you bring any real clothes at all?”
The cheesy grins they give me say no, so I just shake my head, grab my phone, and head up to my room. No matter how badly I wish I could put this video off until the twelfth of never, if my brothers are noticing something is weird with me, I have to watch it. I have to get it over with so I can enjoy what’s left of break.
It doesn’t make it any easier to hit play.
“Hey, cupcake. I know this is probably a shit Christmas gift, but I have to do this, and all I ask is that you please finish the whole thing before you make any decisions.”He releases a heavy sigh, giving me a moment to take in his state. The bruise on his face tells me it was right after that last game of the regular season, and it isn’t until he starts talking that I understand why he made me wait until Christmas break to watch it.
“I’m too much of a coward to look you in the eyes while I say this, but I’m… sorry. I really fucked this whole thing up, and I showed you the ugliest parts of me. I let fear, desperation, and possession take the wheel when I should have let you have it instead.
From the moment I saw you, I knew you were out of my league. How we met doesn’t matter, there’s this sensor in every guy that tells us, and most of us avoid those girls because we’re afraid of the commitment we know they deserve. Afraid of the things those g— women might make us discover about ourselves, but I couldn’t do it. You drew me in, Riley. You immediately possessed every thought when we were apart — haunted me, really, whether I was awake or sleeping or working out. It didn’t matter. I couldn’t shake you, and the thought that you could shake me made me a little crazy.”
A little crazy is an understatement, but when he huffs a laugh and nervously rubs along the back of his neck, I know he sees that.
This video is proof that he sees what he’s done now.
“I don’t blame you if you hate me. If you watch this through and decide you never want to speak to me again, I’ll understand. Fuck New Year’s, fuck this whole fake-dating-for-the-team, fuck what anyone says. You have every right to call this whole thing off now, and I promise that video will never see the light of day. I’ve never shown anyone, and in spite of all the vindictive things I said, I never actually planned on showing anyone. I convinced myself that all the fucked up shit I did was okay, because deep down I knew I could never bring myself to show people your body, but it wasn’t. I still hurt you. I know that, and now I’m going to hurt you even more.”
Again, he pauses, taking a moment to pull himself together.“There’s more to what I’ve done.”He’s struggling, worrying me more for what’s about to come out of his mouth. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Elias this way, but if I had to pick an emotion for what his face is telling me, I’d have to pick fear.
“I recorded us the first time we were ever together. I can put the blame on the fact that the camera was already there because I was worried someone might break in and steal my equipment, but I won’t. Yes, the cameras were there but I knowingly left them on when you were in the bathroom because I knew we were about to fuck. No one else knows the video exists, but I still did it without your consent. I’ve also been the one stalking you. That night in the park when we were on the phone… it was all me.”This time he actually blushes.“God, that makes me sound so fucking stupid. I’ve legit lost my mind at this point, but when you called me for help — me? I can’t explain how good that felt. I wanted to be who you ran to. I wanted to be the one you called when you needed help.”
He releases a deep breath as though admitting that pains him in some way.
“I’ve never felt any of these things before, and I handled every single one of them wrong. That day I didn’t share your location with me either… I had already done it. That’s how I was able to always find you all these months, but I lied because somehow that’s who I’ve become. A liar. I also poked a hole in every condom until you agreed to give up on them. I know I already kind of admitted that one, but I’m putting it here because I’m pretty sure that’s some sort of assault and if you decide to turn this video in I want you to get the revenge you deserve. Now you’re the one with the power.”
Slowly, he walks back toward the camera and braces himself on his dresser, so close now I can see the emotions in his russet eyes.“Ruin me, cupcake. It’s what I deserve, but whether you do or you don’t doesn’t change what I’m about to ask of you. Take whatever time you need, but if you ever find it in you to give your heart to someone, please aim that love at me. I’ll be there. I’ll be yours. I’ll work every day to be what you need… because you’re already it for me.”
The video ends, leaving me in stunned silence for a few too many seconds. I had my suspicions about the condoms and the stalking, but hearing it spelled out like that… and knowing he doubled down with the illicit videos even after knowing how badly the first one hurt me… fuck. I want to hate him. I’ve always wanted to hate him, but the funny thing about hate is it’s only a half-step and a tiny little jump away from love. Elias might be a lunatic who did everything wrong, but he also did a lot of things right.
I wasn’t exactly perfect, either. He recorded this video not knowing about the article I very nearly published, the terrible things I said about him. We’ve had metaphorical guns pointedat each other since the beginning, all because one misstep led to about fifty more.
We either need to start over or put a permanent end to this, and I’m not waiting another second to do it. He’s not the only one who can use someone’s location to his advantage.
Standing, I grab a hoodie and my jacket, put my boots on, snatch my purse off my dresser and head downstairs. Jake and Eddie both ask me where I’m going, but I wave them off promising I’ll be home soon. My parents aren’t home at the moment, so as long as I’m back by dinner tonight, no one should complain.
I am a little heartbroken, after all.
Chapter 25
When The Moment is Perfect
ELIAS
It feels as though my head is in a fog as I play with the cross around my neck and stare at the decorations on the Christmas tree. It’s my favorite holiday of the year, and yet I’ve barely acknowledged any of the festivities.
To my surprise my dad hasn’t said much about the end of our season, but he did ask where my girlfriend was. As usual I played along with the lie and said she was with her family, but I felt Juliana’s eyes on me the whole time.
She knew something was wrong the second I shook her “friend’s” hand and didn’t grill him about his feelings for my sister.
He looks at her with the reverence Riley deserves, so who the fuck am I to question his intentions when I’m such a piece of shit? I interrupted a moment between them last night that had me a little worried, but they’ve kept a respectful distance since and it’s obvious he wants us all to like him.
And I don’t even remember his damn name. I fucking suck.
We just got home from a church service I didn’t hear a word of, and as soon as her not-boyfriend disappears into the guest room to change out of his suit, I take the opportunity to ask her his name. She gives me shit before she ever gives me the answer,dragging me for being so in my head the last few days, and when she’s done she switches to Spanish. I guess she can’t have her best friend listening to her being nice to me. “His name is Donavan, and I really like him. What’s going on with you? Have you talked to her?”
“Who?” The look she gives me says enough to have me deflating. “Not really. I told her Merry Christmas Eve this morning, but I’ve been giving her space. I really fucked it up.”
“Fucked what up?” our dad asks, and I sit up a little straighter, my stupid sweater vest feeling a little suffocating now.
