Page 94 of Love Deep
“Why wouldn’t I be sleeping?” I ask, glancing over at the bar. In seconds, someone is taking my drinks order. Thank god. I need a beer—something to take the edgeoff.
I glance back at my friends and they’re both staring at me, concern in their expressions.
“We know you really enjoyed your time in Star Falls,” Bennett says.
“Right,” I reply. “But it was always temporary and now I’m back home.”
An unfamiliar silence passes between us.
“How’s Juniper?” Jack asks.
“No idea,” I say, as if the words don’t cut into me like the sharpest of blades.
“You can talk to us,” Jack says. “We’re here for you.”
Thankfully, Worth arrives, taking the attention from me. But my reprieve doesn’t last long.
“How are you?” he asks, slapping me on the back. “Missing Juniper?”
“Guys, you’re acting like I just lost my dog or something. I’m fine.” I take a deep breath. I’m talking bullshit. These guys are my best friends in the world. Why am I putting on a brave face with them? They’re here to support me. To listen to me. To help. “I’mgoingto be fine. I’m just… I didn’t expect to… Juniper was special, and it’s going to take me a minute to adjust.”
“Did you and Juniper ever talk about maybe continuing things long distance?” Bennett asks.
“No point. Her entire life is in Star Falls. Her kid. Her family. Her job. And my life is here. It’s not like we could ever be… anything.” I blow out a breath and take a swig of my beer. The logical response that I’ve had in my arsenal for all these weeks sounds less and less convincing. Not because our circumstances have changed. But because of who she became to me. They say love conquers all. But whoever said that is a bullshitter.
“There are plenty of people who date long distance andthen the compromises are easier to make further down the road,” Worth suggests.
“I can see that,” I concede. “But not for Juniper and me. She’s lived her entire life in Star Falls. She’s never going to leave. Hell, I suggested she and Riley join me when I came back to New York for a couple of nights, and she wouldn’t come. And as much as Star Falls is a beautiful place, I can’t run my business from there.”
I know what they’re thinking. I don’t need to work. It’s true. I’ve made my money, but business isn’t always about making money. It’s about purpose. It’s about direction.
“And it’s not just about my company. It’s also New York.” I sigh. Except right now, I feel like New York doesn’t fit somehow. Like I don’t belong. But I know if I were away too long, I’d miss it. I’d miss the energy and the life. The possibilities.
“Rosey and Byron seem to have found a good compromise,” Worth says. “Spending time in Star Falls and New York.”
“It’s different. Byron grew up in Star Falls. He has roots there. And anyway, Juniper has never even visited New York. She wouldn’t even come here for two nights. Let alone split her time between here and Star Falls.” I shake my head. “Anyway, we weren’t even close to talking about stuff like this. We always knew we had a shelf life. It wasn’t ever meant to be some great love affair for six weeks.”
Worth starts to speak, but before he can get the words out, we all groan.
“We know, Worth,” Jack says. “You fell in love with Sophia the first moment you met her and married her as quickly as you could.”
I’d never thought Worth ever did anything that wasn’t meticulously considered and planned before he marriedSophia. When they announced they were married, I thought he might have a brain tumor or something, it was so out of character. He was so convinced that he loved her from the moment he’d met her. And now? Having spent nearly six weeks with Juniper? Worth marrying Sophia when he hardly knew her doesn’t seem so crazy.
Juniper and I connected in a way where I felt like I could see into her soul, and I let her into mine.
“I’m not trying to be insensitive,” Worth says. “Only encouraging. If you love Juniper, isn’t it worth trying to figure it out?”
I groan again. I can’t deny loving her. Not to these guys.
“If it’s meant to happen, it will,” Worth says. “Maybe you need to take a week or two and see how you feel.”
I nod. That’s the best advice I’ve had yet. I’m not sure I’ve ever had my heart broken. Maybe this is what it feels like. I’ve not been on this journey, and I don’t know where to turn, but maybe things will feel easier as the days and weeks pass. I can’t imagine how, but I have to cling to the possibility that there will come a day when I don’t yearn for Juniper like I do at this moment.
THIRTY-FOUR
Juniper
I think I have the sweetest, most empathetic little girl in the world. She insisted on joining one of her friends at a day camp today. She said she wanted me to paint. I told her I wanted to hang out withher, but she said the day camp was amazing when some kids from her school went during spring break. Apparently, they spend the entire day outside, building forts and I don’t know what else. Even though I think she somehow feels guilty for not being with her father, almost like she was some kind of burden to me when nothing could be further from the truth, I let her go. It might take her mind off her dad.
