Page 115 of Ruin
He’s not wrong: everyone does want us together and if I can’t be with Tommy, I want to erase him from my mind. I want to stop torturing myself over his headlines with other women. I want to forget the things he said, how he looked at me. I really want to let him go, and find some peace. And if Aurelio and my father have made the situation clear to Antonio the way they did with me, it’s inevitable that we will end up married.
It hits me suddenly that this was never really my choice to make.
Antonio picks me up and carries me back to my bedroom.Dropping me on top of the covers, he pulls my pants off, yanks off my t-shirt, leaving me in my underwear. His eyes sparkling at me, he positions himself between my legs, spreading my thighs wide.
I can’t help it: instantly, I’m back with Tommy the last time he was in this bed with me, when he carved the orchid on my thigh. When Antonio spreads my legs wide, it’s Tommy I see.
But when Antonio lowers his head to go down on me, I grab his hair frantically. “No, please.”
He looks up at me, his eyes dark with lust. “Don’t tell me ‘no.’”
“Antonio, NO.”
But he’s not listening to me anymore. He’s staring at the scar etched into my inner thigh, his eyes widening with recognition as he slowly traces his finger over the orchid and vines.
“Holy shit,” he breathes. “This design… Tommy did this. He fucking did this to you, didn’t he?”
Ice floods my veins. “What? Why do you recognize it?”
“He carves it into the men he tortures, Giovanna. Jesus Christ, did he—did he torture you? I’ll fucking kill him.” Antonio sits back on his heels and starts to get up from the bed ready to make good on his promise.
“No,” I choke out, grabbing his arm. “He didn’t. I wanted—I mean, it wasn’t—I let him.”
The look he gives me is poison, confusion and disgust tangled together. He stares at me for a long moment.
“You know he sent me a video of the two of you. Him fucking you, coming on you. You saying that you were his. On your 21st birthday. Did you know?”
My face flushes red. I can’t look at him, but I don’t let go of his arm, either. “I knew he was recording me. I didn’t know he sent it to you. I’m sorry.”
Antonio sits on the edge of the bed, blindsided, angry. He looks at me for a long time, as I continue to hold his arm, tears building behind my eyes. “You stayed with him all those years and he treated you like that? Why?”
I shake my head. There’s no way to explain me and Tommy to someone else. I’m not even angry that he sent that video to Antonio. I know why he did it. He was scared of this, right here, Antonio sitting on my bed trying to fuck me.
Antonio huffs out a deep breath as his expression softens.
“Look, Giovanna. I don’t give a fuck what you let him do in the past. But you guys have been broken up for two years now. He is not your future. I am your future.” His face darkens as he settles between my legs, pressing his big palms on my inner thighs, covering Tommy’s orchid scar, and shoves my legs open wide. “And your future starts right now.”
When he slides my panties to the side and buries his face in my pussy, I don’t tell him ‘no.’ I throw my head back, hitting the headboard, trying hard to focus on what he’s doing. Trying not to see Tommy between my legs. Tommy tongue fucking me. Tommy pinching my clit. Tommy’s cock in my throat. Tommy spanking me. Tommy behind me in the mirror as he fucks my ass. Tommy fisting my pussy. Tommy coming in my mouth.
It’s Tommy’s name that rips out of me when I come, raw and broken.
Tears burn the backs of my eyes as Antonio throws a pillow across the room and sits up on his knees.
“What the FUCK? What the fuck do I have to do, Giovanna? What is it going to take to get that fucking asshole out of your head?”
The tears spill over as I scoot up and press my back into the headboard, pulling the blanket over me. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” His laugh is harsh. “Giovanna, he treated you like shit. He is fucking half of Manhattan, for Christ’s sake. I know you left him, but he didn’t come back for you. You left me, too—you left me twice—but I came back for you, and I haven’t let you go. Do you know why?”
I shake my head ‘no’ as he cages me in, straddling me. With one hand, he grabs one of mine hands and presses my palm to his heart, stroking my hair with his other hand.
“This right here is why. This is real. Us. You and me. Somewhere deep inside you know it’s true, or I wouldn’t have been basically living here for the last year. I wouldn’t be in your bed right now.” His voice drops low as he gently tugs the blanket away from my chest and strokes my breast with the back of his hand. Pulling my palm up to his lips, he kisses it gently, his eyes dark with lust. “Let me show you.”
He pulls off his shirt, his muscular chest rippling with the movement, his skin smooth, no ink, just strong. Why is it that he’s supposed to be the safe choice, but as he pulls off his pants, releasing his long, hard cock and settles between my legs, I’m terrified?
“Antonio, don’t—”
He silences me with a kiss, hard and urgent. His erection grows harder between us, and he grinds into me, his hands dragging down my body.
