Page 88 of A Lady of Means
“The only way out is through.”The memory of her mother’s gentle voice pushed.
“I will only ever use them to be gentle to you.I will never use them to hurt you, Moria.I swear to you.”One hand pushed a stray strand of golden hair behind her ear.
She was no adversary for such tenderness.“No,” she swallowed her tears.“No, I know.I know, Your Grace.”
“I wish you would call me by my given name.Call me George.”
He had to know, she had to tell him the truth and risk losing him.Moria looked down at their joined hands, and nodded.
“If we are to call each other by our given names, then I feel that you and I should have an honest conversation.And if, at the end of what I have to tell you, you want to call me something other thanMoria; I won’t fault you for your choice of words.Only I should give you the truth.It wasn’t always given to me.”
“Is it about the Marquess?I was a few years ahead of him at school,” he sighed.“Ours was a strained friendship, but I had a vague notion there was something between the two of you.”
She nodded, tracing a finger of one of his hands intertwined with hers and spoke in a subdued voice.“I am not a virgin, Your Grace.”She felt as though her teeth had ground the words out, her lips being forced to form the syllables whilst groaning in protest, but they were necessary.
“If you think that you’ve shocked me, you haven’t, Moria.”
Her eyes shot up to his, searching for purchase while she fell into altering waves of confusion, regret, and guilt.“What do you mean?”
“You were engaged to Marcus, were you not?”
Moria took a steeling breath as though she’d been holding her breath before for his reaction, and now her lungs could fully expand.
“What I was… was a stupid girl of eighteen.I’d been infatuated with Marcus for years.His family’s estate was not far from ours growing up.When I look back now, he didn’t even formally court me the same as….well, the way he ought to have.I suppose I took for granted that he would.He gave me lots of pretty words and promises and ideas when I pleased him, and much worse when I didn’t.He showed me the vault where the family jewels were kept, and he said that one day they’d all be mine.It wasn’t technically a proposal, but I’m sure he wanted me to think of it as such.”
“Moria,” he shook his head.“You can’t blame yourself.You were very young… he was several years older than you.He took advantage of you.He hurt you.God, if he weren't dead, I’d kill him myself.”
The Duke ran a hand through his hair, as a thought struck him.“Wait, did your brother….”
“No,” she said, her eyes wide.“Marcus was killed in a duel by a gang lord he owed money to.He was planning to marry me to obtain the funds to pay him back, but wasn’t quick enough about ruining me or making profits on his business venture, I suppose.Jasper didn’t find out about our relationship or his debts until Marcus was already dead.”
“Moria, this doesn't change anything,” he pulled her closer to him, draping an arm around her.
She swallowed, looking at him with sorrowful eyes.
“There’s more, isn't there?”he asked, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.
“I was with child.”The words came out of her little more than a whisper, but he heard them.
“You and the marquess…had a child?”The words were a breath of air, soft and awed.
She shook her head, dabbing at her tears with her sleeve.“I lost the child.A little girl with blonde hair and blonde eyelashes.She was so small, but she already had my hair.Or Marcus’s hair.”
He pulled her to him, his strong hands painting comforting patterns along her arms and her spine.Tears were gone, she’d already used them all up before now.
She pulled back to make sure that he could hear her next words clearly.“George…the doctor that attended me…he said that I mightn’t have any more children.”
“Stop,” he forced her to look up at him, “Moria, I wish that I could undo all of this history for you.If I could bloody Marcus from the grave, I’d do it.But you need to understand, none of this means that you and I can’t wed.”
Moria felt hollow.Was she so hollow that she had misheard him?
“What are you talking about?Please speak plain, Your Grace.”
His Adam's Apple bobbed as he swallowed, seeming to pause to think through his words.
“I am a Duke, I have no end of resources at my disposal.I must marry, and it needs to be soon, and it needs to be, I feel crass to say, someone of the highest pedigree.There are those who look down on me for my mother’s heritage, I need a match with someone enviable.Add to all of that, I am quite fond of you.I would even go so far as to say that I feel some affection for you.I think that I am the partner that will give you everything that you desire.But if we don’t suit,” he drummed his fingers on his leg, “physically, I mean…we wouldn’t be the first nobles in history to…seek elsewhere to continue the lineage.”
Was he proposing that he would sleep with some other woman to carry his baby if she couldn’t?
