Page 82 of Welcome Home, Cowboy
“I do.” Mr. Banks glanced at Allison. “We’d be crazy not to hire Ms. Chandler. And I’m not crazy. Are you, Ms. Carmichael?”
Allison laughed. “Not last time I checked.”
Mr. Banks stood, clutching the lapels of his sports coat. “Good. Hire Ms. Chandler then. I have a dinner date to get to.”
“Well, we haven’t discussed what we can offer Ms. Chandler,” Allison said, glancing at Julie. Allison knew good and well that Julie would say yes no matter what they offered. “She might not accept our offer.”
Mr. Banks looked between them. Then he reached inside his coat pocket and pulled out a small square of paper, handing it to Julie.
Julie opened it and read.
“Will that work?” he asked, a small smile playing on his mouth.
“Y-yes, sir. That will most definitely work,” Julie said, barely able to contain her excitement. She’d just doubled her monthly income and was going to have benefits. “Thank you, sir.”
He nodded. “Good afternoon, ladies. I’ll be in touch.”
—
Judging by the number of texts he’d missed from Julie, Lawson had a feeling she’d be stopping by his place any time now. What he was going to say, however, he had no clue.
His stomach had been knotted since earlier in the morning when he’d thought he was going up in a helicopter. He’d thought that was the only hurdle in the day. Wrong. Because now he had to face Julie and tell her he’d failed.
Lawson walked over to his refrigerator and dipped to get another beer out of the bottom drawer. The first one had done nothing to relax him. Nothing was going to take away what had happened, or rather, what hadnothappened. He twisted the cap off and took a long swig, his eyes burning as he shut them and tried to wash away the events of the day. He’d let everyone down, including himself. His failure meant that Sabrina was going to lose one more person in her life. Beth, too. They depended on him, and he’d dropped the ball. Commander Oakes had seen right through him. Lawson was no longer one of the best and brightest, and now he’d be re-stationed.
Marines moved all the time. It was the nature of the job. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he was leaving because he’d failed, in which case he was really no different from his father, who’d left their family due to his inability to cope with Lawson’s mother’s illness. He was no different from Sabrina’s father, who’d left because he couldn’t cope with the new responsibility of having a wife and child. Just like them, Lawson had failed to cope; he was a failure. Weak. How had he ever thought he deserved a woman like Julie? She was so much stronger than he was. She’d faced her fears and come out on top. He’d faced his and lost.
Lawson tipped his bottle up and took another long gulp of beer. Dr. Pierce had warned him not to jump into a new relationship. He’d jumped anyway—headfirst like a damn idiot. Now Julie would get hurt. Today she’d interviewed for the assistant director job at the Veterans’ Center. If she’d gotten the job, a dream of hers would be coming true. Who the hell was he to ask her to re-station with him? He had no right. Not when this mess was all his fault.
The doorbell rang and his chest tightened. He set his empty beer bottle down, then walked to the door and opened it.
“Hi!” Julie beamed at him in the open doorway. Even those green eyes of hers were twinkling.
“You got the job,” he said, as relief and disappointment played knockout in his chest.
“I got the job!” she squealed, bouncing lightly on the balls of her feet. Then she threw her arms around him and giggled. He’d never been one to find giggling attractive, but this time he did. Everything about Julie was attractive. She was wonderful. Sweet. Smart. She deserved better than what he was about to do.
“That’s wonderful,” he whispered, breathing in her scent, memorizing it because this was the last time he’d hold her in his arms. “Great news.”
She pulled back and looked at him, her smile falling a notch. “You okay? You don’t look so good.”
“I’m fine,” he said. If “fine” meant he felt like a grenade had just gone off in his chest.
“Oh. Okay. Well, good.” She stepped inside and started talking excitedly. She was getting a raise, an office, and a parking spot just for her. “I feel so special,” she said, grinning at him.
“You deserve to feel special, Julie.” His voice was void of enthusiasm. He sat on the arm of his couch.
“Lawson, what’s wrong?” Julie’s eyes tilted in concern. “Did something happen today?”
No. Nothing had happened, except life as he knew it had ended. He needed another beer. Getting up, he headed toward the refrigerator. “I don’t want to talk about my day, all right? You got the job. Life is good.” He grabbed another bottle, twisted off the top, and drank.
“You don’t get drunk anymore,” she said softly. “You told me that you like to stay in control.”
“Well, today’s a special day, right? You got the job. Everything is perfect.” His voice was rising. He heard the hard edge in it, half due to the alcohol buzzing through him and half because this was what needed to happen. He needed to start building a wall between them, pushing Julie away. He never should’ve pulled her close to begin with.
“Lawson?” Julie’s eyes were no longer twinkling. “Just talk to me.”
“Talk.” He laughed a little. “Fuck talking. I’m so sick of everyone wanting to talk about what’s bothering me. I don’t talk about my feelings, darling. That’s one of my many,manyweaknesses. You should know that about me. You should also know that I’m unreliable. If I promise I’ll be here for you, I won’t.”
