Page 101 of Welcome to Forever
More tears rolled down Ben’s quivering cheeks.
Kat realized she had tears of her own. “I shouldn’t be here. You two should be alone.” She stood and headed toward the porch steps, stopping when Micah grabbed her gently, pulling her to face him.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I don’t have a choice.”
Rolling her lips together, she blinked heavily through burning eyes. “Right. Of course.” He didn’t have a choice. He was leaving and,damn him, he was taking her heart with her.
She stepped back, just wanting to escape, and knocked the pie that she’d set on the railing, sending it falling to the ground. “Oh!” She hurried down the steps to get it as red cherry filling spilled out of its tinfoil cover. “It’s ruined,” she said, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from bawling.
“You made me a pie?” he asked, his gaze lifting to meet hers.
There were those cocoa-colored eyes she’d grown to love staring into. “No. Yes.” It hurt to breathe. “I have to go.” She took another step backward, tears blurring the image of Micah and Ben staring at her. She could hear Ben’s soft cries, though, and her heart ached. She wanted to go to him, but she couldn’t—not now. All she could do was leave. She left the pie. Left the man she loved, and his son on the porch, and ran to her car as quickly as she could. Then she drove blindly through thick tears of anger and confusion, heartbreak and despair, to the only place she knew to go.
—
Kat sat in her car and stared at the shaded cemetery for a long moment before getting out of her car. Blinking through the tears that refused to quit falling, her eyes burned against the wind that seemed to blow constantly through this little town. She hadn’t visited this place much since he’d been gone. He wasn’t in that grave, she knew that. His body may be, but John wasn’t a man who could be caged in. That was one of the things that had surprised her when he’d asked her to marry him. He was willing to bind himself to her forever.
Their forever had been too short.
The gate to the cemetery creaked loudly as she entered. She wasn’t even sure why she was here. She just didn’t know where else to go to feel his presence anymore. She’d felt him with her when she’d worn his ring. But that was silly. She knew that in her head.
Now everything was so confusing. Her heart was starting to love someone else, and she was beginning to forget pieces of John, molding his memories with those of the man she was in love with now. How could she do this all over again? Love a man who was deploying to some foreign country, to put himself in danger?
She stood in front of John’s granite headstone. Being here always felt surreal. A few feet below her was the body of the man she missed snuggling into at night. She missed talking to him, telling him how her day was, and how she felt.
“Hey.” Her voice cracked as she knelt on the soft grass. “It’s me. I’m sorry it’s been so long.” A sob escaped as she spoke, and she wiped at her tears. Her nose was running now, too. “I wanted to tell you that I met someone. He’s strong like you.” Strong the way she had tried to be, and she’d almost succeeded until now. “I should be there with him right now, but I’m scared. Losing you was—” She swallowed hard, shaking her head and pressing her eyes shut. “I can’t go through that again, John. I can’t risk everything for something that might not work out. What if he doesn’t come home? What if I’m left all alone?”
Her shoulders shook as she waited for an answer she knew wouldn’t come. John was dead. He couldn’t tell her what to do. But if he were here, he’d be arguing her out of these fears. That’s what he’d done when she’d nearly backed out of applying for the principal job at Seaside Elementary. Anytime John had faced something that scared him, he’d run toward it head-on. Fear was like a personal challenge to him, and he’d never backed down from a challenge. That’s what made him an incredible leader. A hero. The man she’d loved.
She loved another man now. Micah.
She sat there for a long time. Then she got up and starting walking on shaky legs. The wind was blowing harder now, seeming to push her toward her car as she walked away. It was as if John were telling her to go. Telling her what she knew she had to do.
But he was wrong. Maybe he’d always been wrong. She wasn’t as strong as him, chasing down her fears and defeating her challenges. So, instead of going back to Micah, she went home.
—
Micah’s arms were sore from the shearing attack he’d declared on the first tree he’d come in contact with after his run-in with Kat. Limbs lay on the ground all around him as if a storm had shaken the tree within an inch of its life.
It’d grow back thicker and more beautiful than before, though. He knew that. And he and Ben would do the same once he returned home from his last deployment. He and Kat would not, though. She’d made that crystal clear and, in doing so, she’d also sent another devastating blow to Ben.
He hacked another branch, cursing under his breath. This was his fault. He’d known deep down in his gut not to get involved with another woman. Ben needed stability. That had been the whole theme for the year, giving his son a place to grow roots, to get strong. And damn if he didn’t fuck it all up by falling for a woman who could leave them when the going got tough.
Branch after branch fell to the ground. He was in a frenzy and he knew it, but hell if it didn’t feel good to release all the emotion storming inside of him.
“Just what on God’s green earth do you think you’re doing, Micah Daniel Peterson?” Aunt Clara’s voice snapped over the string of words coming out of his mouth. The moment reminded him a lot of that first summer afternoon when she’d found him doing something similar in her backyard.
“I’m trimming the bushes. What does it look like?” he growled, not meaning to get short with his aunt.
“It looks like a grown man having a temper tantrum, if you ask me.”
He dropped his shears and looked at her, wiping the back of his hand across his brow to keep the sweat from pouring into his eyes. “She left. She couldn’t even pretend like she wasn’t going to run as fast as her legs would possibly carry her for Ben’s sake. No. She just took off.” He ran both hands through his hair. “I knew better than to get involved. I knew it. And if Ben takes a downturn because of this…” He shook his head.
“Then he’ll bounce right back,” Aunt Clara said slowly, stepping closer and bracing her arms over his. “He’s a strong kid, Micah. You’ve raised him well, and you should be proud of yourself.”
The words made his throat tighten, which isn’t what he wanted. He wanted to be mad. He wanted to tear something up, to punch something.
“And don’t pretend this is all about Ben’s hurt feelings.”
