Page 69 of The Charmed Friends of Trove Isle
Liz could have predicted that question. “Irritated,” she answered honestly.
“Irritated that she would feel okay going after what happened to you and your group of friends?” Dr. Mayer asked.
“No.” Liz shook her head. That wasn’t it at all. She was happy for her friends. “I’m irritated that I’m not able to go too. I don’t feel comfortable. The idea makes me sweaty and nauseous.” Even talking about this right now had her palms damp. “I should be okay by now, shouldn’t I? I mean, it’s been years. Melody is fine to go. Why aren’t I?”
Dr. Mayer’s gaze was steady. “You tell me?”
Liz shrugged as she searched for some deep answer. There was only one explanation for why she couldn’t bring herself to go to prom too. “Because I’m not as strong as she is.”
Dr. Mayer gave her an unwavering look. “I don’t think that’s true. I see you as a very strong woman, Liz. Look at all you’ve overcome.”
Liz didn’t feel like she’d overcome anything. She’d just been surviving, living one breath and one day at a time.
“What would happen if you did go to this prom?” Dr. Mayer asked.
Liz squirmed in her chair. She uncrossed her legs and recrossed to the other side, still not feeling comfortable. Was his office usually this hot? “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. What would happen?”
“Well, my chest would feel tight. I might have a heart attack. I’d definitely have a panic attack.”
“You’ve had panic attacks before. You know what to do. You know how to calm yourself when you’re having one. And you have a support system who could help you if that were to happen,” he said.
Liz swallowed past a tight throat. “We could get in a car accident on the way. Just like we did that night.”
“That could happen next time you’re a passenger in the car with someone though, couldn’t it?” he asked. “Didn’t you say you just traveled to the women’s prison with your friend? And you arrived back home safely.”
Liz was fidgeting again. She didn’t even try to stop herself this time. She uncrossed her legs and folded them underneath her this time.
“What would happen if you said yes and went to that prom and proved to yourself that you were strong? It’s not about proving that to anyone else. Everyone who knows you already knows that’s the case.”
Liz blinked, trying to calm the burn of tears in her eyes that was clouding her vision.
“What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Dr. Mayer pressed.
Liz could feel her heart beating harder. She could hear the sound of her pulse in her ears. All of this just because she was thinking about going to the prom. “I could die, I guess,” she finally said.
“You could die sitting here right now.”
Did he think that would make her feel calmer?
“Now, what’s the best thing that could happen?” he asked, leaning forward over his desk.
Liz shook her head, her fingers running over the charm bracelet on her wrist. Her fingers felt each one, trying to name them in her head as she moved from one to the other. A dress. A butterfly. The newest one—the wave, representing Bri’s dream of going to the ocean. “I guess the best thing would be that I wouldn’t die. I’d live.”
“You’d live,” Dr. Mayer repeated, the smallest hint of a smile on his mouth.
Liz wasn’t sure she’d ever seen him smile before. He always looked so serious and contemplative. “Yeah. I’d live and I’d be proud of myself, I guess. It’d be like I passed some impossible test.”
“I’m guessing that would be an amazing feeling,” Dr. Mayer said. “Doing something that is hard. That you feel incapable of doing.”
Liz’s heart was still beating fast, but it wasn’t solely from fear anymore. There was a spark of something more. Possibly excitement. “Yeah.”
“What if you just thought about it for a couple of days? What if you devoted some time to picturing yourself in a dress and high heels. Picture your friend picking you up and driving you to the high school. Imagine that the trip is uneventful and you feel calm all the way there. Then you arrive and go inside and you’re still calm. Do you think you could work on imagining that?”
“Visualization?” Liz asked.
“It’s a very effective tool that’s always available to you. Prom is two weeks away, you say? Visualizing yourself there every day for two weeks might make it a reality.”
