Page 101 of Sweet Vengeance
“Are you planning to try to sell him drugs or get him offed? If not, I don’t think he’s going to know all those things about you.”
I give him a small smile and offer him my truth. “I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not. And he would never say that, even if he knew. He wouldn’t understand, but he would trust me.”
I’m not sure I agree, but I won’t argue with him about it either. If he wants to believe that, I’ll live in his fairy-tale land with him.
“I’ll make it happen,” I promise.
“I love you.” He pushes up onto his toes and kisses me.
“I love you too.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Ollie
Going to Bostonis probably only happening because of what I said to Cillian, but now that we’re in the car and driving there, I’m nervous. And worried I won’t be able to hide my anger at Cillian’s dad. I’ll never understand how he abandoned his son after Cillian’s mom died, how he can fail Cillian over and over again. How he can be so close physically to his son, yet emotionally so far away. He doesn’t realize the gift he’s been given, and part of me doesn’t want him to have the chance to make amends, but that’s not what’s best for Cillian.
He struggles to admit it, but he wants a real relationship with his father, and I want him to have everything he needs.
The fact that Cillian doesn’t want me to even leave his side while we’re there doesn’t bode well for this being a normal family reunion. If we’re going to make this work, though, I can’t not ever be around his family. I’ll have to find that middle ground between not wanting to know about the things they do and still being involved in his world.
I shift in the passenger seat, and Cillian glances over. “You good?”
“Yes. What about you?”
He shrugs.
“I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t talk you into doing something you don’t want to do.”
“You didn’t. I would have gone because deep down I’m still that little fucking boy who wants his father’s attention, who wants to make him proud.”
My heart breaks for him, but I feel so honored it’s me in this car with him right now, that it’s me he shares these things with. “Cut yourself some slack. You feel things. You love your family and want to be loved by them. We all want that.” I reach over and place my hand on his thigh. Cillian grabs and lifts it, pressing his lips to my palm before putting it in place again.
We chat about school and everyday things for the rest of the drive. Aislin and Rory are riding with Dean and Tiernan—I think they purposefully left Cillian and me alone because…because in a strange way, Cillian needs me. He’s said as much over and over, but words and actions are two different things. I see it in times like this—me, the boy no one else ever really wanted. The nerdy guy who cared more about school than a social life or friends. The one who used to let Tiernan kick me out of my own dorm room and who got beat up because I couldn’t defend myself…but I am who Cillian needs. I’m who he goes to. No matter how much he loves those people in the other car, it’s me here with him, and that means something to me. I will never, ever let him down. Just like I know he will never let me down.
I stare open-mouthed when we pull into a driveway with a locked gate in front of the house. Cillian rolls his window down and presses a code into the keypad before the black iron slides open.
“Holy crap. You didn’t tell me you lived in a mansion.”
He chuckles. “It’s not a mansion.”
“It looks like one to me. Jeez, Cillian. I hope you don’texpect anything close to this when you go home with me.”
“This doesn’t fucking matter. This is all show. I don’t give a fuck about things like this. I care about you. About them.” He nods toward Tiernan’s car. “I care about how it feels to watch you laugh and talk with your father on the phone like he’s your best friend. Those things matter more than a house ever will.”
I know that, I do, but… “I mean, it’s kinda cool, though.”
Cillian chuckles. “Not gonna complain, that’s for sure.”
We smile at each other, neither getting out of the car. Honestly? I’m scared out of my mind, but I don’t want to be. “I’m a little freaked out,” I admit. There’s no reason to have lies between us.
“I know. Nothing will happen to you. They’re not going to hurt you.”
“Then why did you tell me to stay by your side the whole time?”
He shrugs. “Because I like you there.”
